all god's orphans

For the rest of the ride to Knoxville, neither of them had spoken. Raymond could see that Sarah needed a moment to collect herself after the gas station. She sat on the passenger seat, hugging her knees and staring at the road without blinking.

“We’re gonna have to be more careful from now on.” Raymond finally said hoping to get her to talk. “What happened back there wasn’t our fault. You understand that, right?” Sarah didn’t take her eyes off the road.

“Yes, daddy.” She mumbled.

“Those,” he hesitated, not sure what to call them. “…people, they forced us to defend ourselves. We had no choice.” Sarah simply nodded. Until today, the most violent thing she had ever seen in real life had been skinned knees and bloody noses. This was completely unknown to her. She had always heard that scary movies and video games were the work of the Devil and would desensitize a person to blood and gore. She watched scary movies with her older sister every time her father worked late and every time she wondered if she was “desensitized.” Now she knew that she was most definitely not.

She couldn’t stop picturing the look on those people’s faces when her father shot them. They looked so surprised and confused, then, just before they fell, she thought they looked sad. She knew that if she said this to her dad he would tell her they deserved it, or weren’t human or something else. She wasn’t sure about that. They certainly looked human enough to her.

As the RV rumbled slowly around a bend in the highway, Sarah saw the buildings of downtown Knoxville slide into view. There weren’t many of them and the squat skyline was adorned with the “famous” Sun Sphere. It was nothing more than a giant, gold colored disco ball atop a green structure that looked like a golf tee. Sarah smiled thinking about a shirt Emmie had given her last time she was home. It had a picture of the Sun Sphere and said, “My city hosted the 1982 World’s Fair and all I got was a lousy Sun Sphere.” She didn’t really get it, but her sister thought it was funny so she laughed along with her.

Raymond drove carefully off the highway and onto the main roads. There were people everywhere.

“Stay sharp.” Her dad warned and she knew he was perfectly willing to kill any of them if they got too close.

“Are you sure this is a good idea, dad?” She didn’t want to see more people die.

“We don’t have a choice, Sarah.” He kept his eyes moving, watching for any threat, “We have to find your sister.” The RV passed a large brick entrance that proclaimed “Welcome to the University of Tennessee.” Sarah had seen it once before when they had driven Emmie down at the start of her freshman year. She had always wanted to come back here and was jealous that Emmie had escaped from their stupid little town. This place seemed so much bigger, even though she understood that it wasn’t even a big town. It was bigger than where she was from. She wondered how they would ever find Sarah here.

The RV crept along the wide boulevard as Raymond “stayed sharp”. To the right were railway tracks and on the left was the university. There were tall dormitories and parking structures with smaller roads reaching deeper into the campus. Each side of the street was lined with cars. The academic buildings were on the other side of the grounds except for the agricultural center. Lost looking students ambled about aimlessly and seemed afraid of the RV, darting away from the road as it drew nearer. The road bent around to the left and Sarah could see the wide river that formed the southern border of the university grounds. On the other side, steep hills rose up covered with tall trees. Emmie had once told Sarah that on the other side of those hills there was a place called “The Body Farm” where they let dead bodies rot for science. She hadn’t believed her, but their father had confirmed it was true. Sarah didn’t know how Emmie could live so close to such a disgusting thing, but the rest of the campus was gorgeous. There were tree-lined streets and buildings with character. She decided she might be willing to live by “The Body Farm” after all.

Raymond turned left onto a smaller street and headed to the backside of one of the larger dorm buildings. There were fewer people back here and Sarah tried to tell herself that it would all be okay. Her father shut the engine off and checked his weapon. He considered leaving Sarah in the RV but decided against it. He needed to keep a close eye on her.

He opened the door and slid out.

“Stay here for a second.” He whispered. They had parked behind Emmie’s building and Sarah could remember that on the other side was a large courtyard and more dorms. Her sister had told her that this was where everyone hung out between classes. The quad, it was called. This side was less idyllic. The brick and concrete building shot up into the sky and the basement on this side was at street level. It was like looking at the back of a hotel where the service entrances were. Brown steel doors offered the only ways in and Raymond approached them as though they might burst open at any moment and a dragon was going to emerge. Instead, it simply led to the basement of the building. He motioned for Sarah to follow him. She hopped from the passenger seat and walked towards her father. He looked disappointed. When she got close enough, he hissed at her.

“Keep your weapon ready!” she dutifully raised the butt to her shoulder and instantly felt sick to her stomach. As they stepped into the dimly lit corridor, they paused to let their eyes adjust to the darkness. There were laundry facilities on one side and in the other direction, they could see more light pouring through a small window in a door. Cautiously, they moved towards the light, ready for more zombies to pounce on them from within the numerous rooms, but none did. Raymond slid up to the door as quietly as he could and peered through the window. On the other side was a large, open room with sofas and a television. A foosball table sat to one side and there was a snack machine in the corner. He counted about eight students all sitting quietly, staring into space. He turned back to Sarah.

“This way’s no good.” he whispered.“We’ll have to find another way.” They turned back to the corridor and moved silently along the wall. There was little light and Sarah kept picturing those people her dad had shot popping out from one of the rooms to grab her and drag her to Hell, but there was nothing. The quiet of the place was eerie. Every time they had dropped Emmie off here, there had been music and laughing. People would open their windows, crank their speakers and blast upbeat music into the air. Now it was deathly quiet. They could hear nothing, not even the sounds a building makes of its own accord. There was just silence.

Halfway down the hall, they found a door leading to a staircase. Raymond opened it carefully and stepped inside. Emmie’s room was 406, so he assumed it was on the fourth floor. He made his way up, all the while keeping his weapon trained ahead of him. Sarah followed, bravely trying to mimic his movements, but the rifle was heavy, and she didn’t even know anymore if she could shoot someone, even if her life depended on it. She followed her father up the stairs not knowing what she would do when they found Emmie. Why would she be any different from all the freaky zombies they had come across, she wondered. Would her father know what to do? She didn’t know the answer.

As they opened the door to the fourth-floor hallway, all was quiet. The corridor itself was empty, and most of the doors on either side were open revealing empty rooms. They made their way down the hall, stopping here and there to peek into various rooms. In one, they found a girl sitting on her bed, staring at the wall. As they passed, she turned her head slowly and fixed her eyes on Sarah. They stayed like that, both locked in that gaze, for what seemed like an hour. Finally Raymond pulled Sarah away gently, never taking his aim off the girl until they were out of her sight.

“They really freak me out.” confessed Sarah.

“Hush.” her father hissed. When they reached Emmie’s room, the door was closed and Raymond looked for a moment like he had no idea what to do, at least, that’s what Sarah thought. Finally, he gently turned the doorknob and pushed, opening the door as quietly and slowly as he could. Behind it was a small anteroom with a toilet on one side and a shower on the other. From there, two doors opened to two different rooms creating a small suite for four girls. He entered Emmie’s room aiming his rifle this way and that, but there was no one home. Ushering Sarah in, he shut the door behind her and slung his rifle to his back. “Keep quiet.” he ordered, and began rummaging through her things. Her desk, as well as her roommate’s desk, was undisturbed. There were books and notebooks arranged neatly, as well as photographs of friends and family. The beds had been slept in and the closets were full of clothes. She hadn’t gone anywhere as far as he could tell. “It’s the like the Marie Celeste.” he finally sighed.

“Who?”

“Nevermind.”

“What do we do now, daddy?” Sarah sat on her sister’s bed, almost glad that they hadn’t found her. She didn’t want to think of her sister as a mindless thing, wandering around, staring at people. Raymond moved to the window and looked down at the quad between the buildings.

“I dunno.” he confessed. Below him, students were beginning to move. Just a few at first, then more and more. Sarah moved to her father’s side and watched them.

“What are they doing?” she wanted to know.

“What time is it?” he asked, suddenly filled with fear, “We need to get out of here. It’s going to be dark soon.” Quickly Sarah grabbed a photo from her sister’s desk. It was a photo of all of them at Disneyworld. She stuffed it in her pocket and followed her dad to the door. Raymond opened it slowly and looked out into the hallway. They were everywhere, walking slowly down the hall as if in a trance. There was no getting out. Raymond backed away from the door and raised his weapon. “Get behind me.” He ordered. Sarah did as she was told and hid behind him, keeping her eyes on the door. She could hear them shuffling along the carpet in the hall. It was strange how every sound was amplified in this global silence.

They stayed as still and quiet as they could and it was then that Sarah realized she really needed the bathroom, but she didn’t dare move. She watched, terrified as the doorknob to the suite turned. She heard the tiny ‘click’ as her father switched the safety off on his rifle. The door opened and a girl that Sarah didn’t recognize stepped in. She didn’t look at them, instead keeping her gaze locked on the floor. Silently, she turned and moved to the other room without so much as glancing up. Sarah watched her father’s shoulder relax slightly and his finger come off the trigger. For just a moment, she thought everything would be all right.

Then the door opened again and there was her sister, just like she remembered her. Emmie, too, stared at the floor as she walked but when she entered her room, she raised her eyes and found the two of them pointing guns at her. Immediately, Raymond lowered his weapon and moved to embrace her.

“My baby girl.” He wept, wrapping his arms around her. Sarah lowered her gun as well and smiled at her sister, but her sister made no sign of recognizing her.

“Hi Emmie.” she said weakly. Emmie stared at her over their father’s shoulder and said nothing. Raymond released her and stepped back, wiping away tears. Emmie’s face showed no emotion.

“It’s me, your dad...” implored Raymond. “Don’t you remember us?” Emmie switched her gaze from Raymond to Sarah periodically, but said nothing. Just stared. “Do you remember your name?” Raymond peered into his daughter’s eyes trying to find a glimmer of memory or understanding. “Emmie?” it was more a plea than a question. “What have they done to you?” Raymond moved towards her as tears ran down his cheeks. He took her face in his hands and held her gaze. In his eyes, his heartbreak was evident. All his anguish. All his dying hopes. Everything he had seen through the years, all the pain welling up in his wet eyes. Emmie stared back, uncomprehending. Raymond reached his limit. He fell to his knees at her feet and hugged her legs as gigantic sobs racked his body. “I’m sorry.” He kept saying, but Sarah had no idea what he was sorry for. She didn’t know what he could have done differently to save her from this and her heart squeezed to watch her father weeping. Emmie looked at her sister blankly, and then, ever so slightly, her expression became quizzical. It was very brief, and Sarah wasn’t sure she had seen it through her own tears, but for a second, she felt hopeful.

Finally, her father stood up, composing himself. He wiped the tears from his eyes and stood dumbly before Emmie as if he didn’t know what to do with his hands. He kissed her forehead and turned to Sarah.

“Wait in the bathroom.” his voice was black.

“What are you gonna...” she started.

“Now, Sarah.” He didn’t growl or snap when he said it and she had never heard such a sound come out of her father, but it was grating and grim like the stone lid of a sarcophagus being slid into its final place and she knew better than to argue. As she passed Emmie, she took hold of her hand and squeezed it. Emmie looked at her, but she didn’t squeeze back. Sarah let her go and went into the bathroom.

She knew what was going to happen and she shut the door against it, willing it to be anything else. There was no light or window so she sat down in the darkness and put her head in her hands waiting for it to be over. Part of her wanted to just stay in there forever, safe in the dark. Just sit there and wait for everything to get better, but she knew that was childish.

She tried to remember that day at Disneyworld. She was just old enough to ride Space Mountain and she wanted to prove to Emmie how brave she was. Nobody had told her it was dark. She had prepared herself for a roller coaster, but not one in the dark. It was only after they were strapped in and the coaster was click clicking its way to towards the first drop that she realized how dark it was. She shut her eyes tight and gripped the harness as she was whipped to and fro by the turns. When it was over, Emmie had smiled at her and said, “Wow, you didn’t even scream.” Sarah had been concentrating so hard on shutting out the dark that she had forgotten to scream, but she was happy that Emmie thought it was because she was brave. She felt anything but brave these days. She shut her eyes again and waited for it.

Time stopped. And she tried to tell herself that it would be okay. That her father could make Emmie snap out of it, but she knew better. When the shot finally barked, she screamed into the darkness. She opened her eyes and kept screaming. Her mind would let her do nothing else. She saw the shadow of her father’s feet appear on the other side of the door and when he opened it, she screamed even louder. He had tears on his face but his eyes were empty. Empty of everything. Silently he pulled Sarah to her feet and dragged her into the hall. Every few seconds, another student would appear in the hallway. Raymond was leading Sarah with one hand, and in the other he held his rifle. Every student he saw, he killed. First one, then another. BANG! And one would fall. BANG! Another. At first, he just fired single shots, but each time, he lost a piece of himself. Eventually he was just screaming.

“You sons of bitches!”

BANG!

“Go to Hell!”

BANG!

“All of you!”

BANG!

“Goddamn you!” His chest heaved. Sarah stopped listening. Her ears were ringing from the shots and she stumbled behind her father as they made their way back down to the RV. Raymond started it up and pulled away but as soon as they were clear of the campus and there was no one around, he stopped the vehicle, put it in park and got out. Kneeling on the ground, he let his grief devour him. It sank its dull teeth into his chest and bit down. He put his forehead to the pavement and wailed, opening his lungs as far as he could, bellowing out something more like a foghorn than a man. Sarah sat in the passenger seat and watched as the sun went down and darkness came.