all god's orphans

They found an open field beside the truck stop and moved the little girl’s body there as Brian and Grey dug a grave with their hands. Neither of them spoke as they tore the earth with pained fingernails as the small body waited beside them wrapped in a tarp they had found in the truck stop. When they were finally done, they placed her gingerly in the dirt. They gathered around the hole in the ground, hoping someone else would say something.

“We don’t even know her name.” Millie typed, her robot voice scraping the solemn air. Brian began to sway slightly and then dropped to his knees. His sinews had transformed into overcooked spaghetti noodles, but he beat his fist against the ground driven by a strength from somewhere else. His sobs overcame his lungs and he could scarcely form the words.

“It’s not fair.” He said, barely audible. “YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!” He screamed at the sky. “IT’S NOT FAIR!!” Exhaustion put a hand on his shoulder and he collapsed to the ground as the tears he had hidden since finding Daniel finally spilled out as libations to the gods of suffering, begging them to end this misery. “It’s not fair.” He wept and could do nothing more than repeat those words weakly into the soil. “It’s not fair. It’s not fair.” Millie knelt beside him and put her hand on his back. She could feel the tense muscles beneath his shirt and it reminded her of the flanks of a horse.

The entire group was by now completely at home in truck stops. The lights in the whole place were off, including the coolers, so there wasn’t much danger of finding a cold energy drink, but Brian figured a warm one was better than none. When he finally located the section where it would have been, he laughed to himself and gently banged his head against the door. All they had left was the sugar free diet versions. For an instance, he imagined all those people stocking up on energy drinks to face the coming apocalypse and deciding that they’d rather die hopped up on sugar and caffeine. There was no reason to half ass it at that point. He got it. Eventually he opened the cooler door and selected one of the light blue cans. Better than nothing, he thought to himself and went over to the café area to find a comfy booth. As he plunged into the vinyl bear hug of the seat, Millie joined him across the table, helping herself to a room temperature Dr. Pepper. They opened their drinks and ‘cheersed’ across the table. The bubbly non-sugar water hit Brian’s dopamine receptors and they turned on the spigot. Warm happiness spread through his brain and radiated out to his nerve endings. Had the sugar free versions always been this good? No way, he told himself. This was just desperation and grief.

“Is it possible to believe in Heaven and not believe in god?” He asked after a few sips. Millie thought it over for a while before typing out her response.

“For me the existence of god would preclude Heaven.” Brian considered this.

“Yeah.” He finally agreed. “It always did feel like they were describing a prison, right? It’s like being stuck in church forever.” Millie chuckled.

“Fuck that.” She typed. They both smiled.

“So how did you lose your hearing?” Brian decided on the blunt approach. No point in wasting time these days.

“Childhood illness.”

“That’s disappointing.” He replied. “I was hoping for a cooler explanation like you blew something up and were standing too close to it when the explosion happened or something.” Millie smiled.

“You didn’t let me finish.” She typed. “I had a childhood illness that caused me to go around blowing stuff up and this one time I was standing too close to the school bus that I had packed with C4.” Brian laughed for the first time that he could remember and the sound of it made Millie sparkle between her legs. She had never paid much attention to boys before, but that had more to do with her parents than not being interested. Now that she was free to long for the touch of another, she found that it was something she had always wanted but never had the opportunity to notice. It was like seeing the ocean for the first time, vast, deep, powerful, and wondering how that had been there your entire life while you were only just now experiencing it.

Carla had gathered up some bottles of water and now made her way to Brian’s table while Grey and Kite had disappeared, most likely to have sex. Lucky bastards, thought Millie. She slid into the booth beside Brian.

“Millie, have you officially met Carla?” Asked Brian. She shook her head and they clasped hands.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, darlin’.” Carla cooed.

“She’s my…” Brian hesitated. He didn’t want to live a lie anymore, otherwise, what was the point of escaping? But he was still not comfortable telling a stranger anything intimate. “She’s my friend’s mother.” He finally said. Brian was eager to get to other, more serious topics. “So what’s this letter your friend was talking about?” Millie nodded her head and fished it out of the briefcase. She slid it across the table for Brian to examine.

It was typed on expensive looking vellum and the seal on the bottom was embossed in gold. Words surrounding an encircled eagle declared “United States Congress” and the letter was signed by the Sergeant at Arms. The top of the letter had been torn away, but not roughly. The fibers on the torn edge were small and it was clear that great care had been taken to rip the letter evenly across. He assumed it had been done to hide the name and other credentials of the recipient. That did not make him feel good. For all he knew, this letter had been found in the trash and was about as official as a Bazooka Joe gum wrapper.

It was basically instructions on how to find and enter a secure facility for government officials and high-ranking employees. There were five locations listed in numbered bullet points, but only the last two had survived the tear. One was in Hawaii. That would prove difficult. And the other was an Air Force base in Germany. Great.

“How is this going to help?” He asked Millie. She reached across the table and flipped it over, revealing the concentric rings of letters and numbers.

“If we can decipher this, it will tell us where to go to find a government shelter.” She told him.

“This?” Brian held it up to make a point. “This is what you and your friends risked your lives to get?” Millie’s smile began to fade. “Are you fucking nuts? This is useless.” Brian shook his head. He felt stupid for having believed them. “Jesus fucking Christ.” He muttered under his breath. Millie sank back in her seat. She, too, felt stupid. How had she let herself hope like that? He was right. They were fucking nuts. Millie’s eyes fell to the table and Brian instantly regretted what he had said. He didn’t realize he was ripping the hope right out of her chest by pointing out the absurdity of what she was saying. Sometimes people needed something to hope for, even in, or especially in, absurd situations. He tried to change his tone but realized she couldn’t hear it anyway, so he focused on his mannerisms. He touched her hand as lightly as he could to get her attention. “Do you have any ideas about how to decipher this code?” She shook her head. “None at all?”

“I was hoping that when I saw it again, I might have some ideas. I didn’t get a chance to look too closely at it the first time.” She replied.

“And now that you have?” She took it back from him and stared at it.

“You’re right.” She said. “It was stupid.” Strangely, Brian was getting tired of people telling him he’d been right. He felt like some deranged Santa Claus who just went around ruining people’s day.

“Take another look.” He prodded her. “You just need fresh eyes.” Millie glanced down at the code. It made no more sense to her now than the first time she’d seen it. Her heart sank. Brian squeezed her hand. “Give it some time.” He assured her. “You’re exhausted. We all need some rest.”

Outside, the sky was darkening and just before night fell, far in the distance, they heard faint rumblings that sounded like rolling thunder. Brian lay in one of the booths and listened. They seemed to go on for minutes and he struggled to remember having seen any clouds that day. He fell asleep thinking how strange those sounds were.