Chapter Faron • 43
Mood influencer spell, really?
I can't believe Jaci would allow herself to be swayed by addicting magic the way that Cal is thinking that she has been. I think it's a ridiculous assumption for Cal to make.
He may be over analyzing the situation with Jacis sudden change, after all, people do have the tendency to change and often.
"I think your wrong. Jaci is happier now that all of the threats to her are finally out of the way. She no longer has to deal with the thought of someone coming after her. That would make anyone feel less apprehensive and definitely happier." I try to explain.
"But with such a drastic over all change like this, from going to a spiraling depression to pure delight, it just seems too easy. Something is definitely off with her. If it's not a spell then what do you think it could be?" Cals worrying concern over Jacis change is starting to concern me now.
He might actually have a valid point.
I don't know what to think.
I know for a fact that it can't be drugs, Jaci isn't the type. I remember that with humans that doctors presumably give them prescriptions to help them alter their moods but with a supernatural, human medication doesn't effect us like humans, so that is definitely out of the question.
Maybe Cal is actually on to something? But if that is the case and Jacis is actually using magic to enhance her moods then we have a much bigger issue to deal with: addiction.
She can easily get hooked on the euphoric feelings the mood influencer spell tends to make you feel.
Worse than being addicted to drugs like a common junkie would be. A hell of lot worse.
You would develop a craving for the feeling that the spell allows you to feel to the point of wanting that high all of the time and if you don't get that fix, like you should, then it will send her into a deeper depression than she ever was before.
With already taking it as far as to wanting to end her suffering, who knows how this magic will effect her?
Cal is right. We have to do something?
"We need to talk her. If by chance this is what she is doing then we need to find a better solution to her problem before it becomes so addictive that she can't live without it and we need to do it fast." I insulate my thoughts with a hint of urgency.
"I know this but..." Asher trails off when he hears Jaci returning.
Seeing the enormous smile she's giving us as she enters the room, makes my feelings falter. Now all I can keep thinking about is that the meaning behind her joyful attitude is nothing other than magic.
Fake.
Unrealistic.
A lie.
When she notices our apprehension toward her she immediately stops in her tracks eyeing us all curiously.
Shit!
This is a conversation that we can't avoid putting off even if we wanted to, when it comes to Jaci she is our main goal and always will be. We have to help her.
I have to help her.
"What's wrong?" She ask us dubiously. Her eyes bouncing back and forth between us.
I clear my throat, standing from my seat at the kitchen stable, I slowly make my way over to her.
"We need to talk." Is all I say. Grasping her hand into mine I lead her back to the table with my brothers.
Sitting her down beside me, still holding her tiny hand, I turn to face her. Swallowing down my fears, I glance to each one of my brothers encouragingly.
"Jaci. You have been acting a lot happier lately. We were curious as to why? When you left us you were so depressed and you weren't in the clinic long enough for it to make such a drastic change in your attitude," taking a deep breath, I look straight into her beautiful eyes, "at first we all thought you were taking drugs, but we knew that idea was ridiculous," I rush to my words out to assure her, "but then we started thinking that maybe it could be because you were able to cast a spell to change your mood from being majorly depressed to....well how your obviously acting now." She drops her hand away from my mine, scowling.
"I'm not accusing you Jaci," I rush to say, "we would just like to know what brought on this sudden change in your attitude. Is it because you finally killed DC? We will understand anything you have to tell us." I try my best to be considerate for her feelings.
Jaci begins to become furious. She stands up from her seat and begins pacing the kitchen floor, right behind me. I turn my body toward her watching her agitated steps.
"We just want to help you baby. We love that you are happy but we can't understand how you can be so happy so quickly." Asher tries to assure her.
"If you need to talk we will listen. We do love that you are finally back in a good place now. We just worry about you sweet cheeks." Ora adds on.
"Don't be upset with them Jaci. I was the one who thought you might be using magic to enhance your moods. If you have to be upset at anyone it should be me." Cal confesses when he notices, just like I do, how much we are starting to anger Jaci over our assumptions.
Jaci finally halts her pacing, staring at us with a dumbfounded look on her face.
"You're kidding me right? One, I don't even know about a spell that can change your moods. Two, you should have more faith in me, and three, you all should have realized that I'm not the type of person that would that to myself. Do either of you really know me at all?" She ask us all accusatory.
Fuck!
Glancing at my brothers shameful faces the dawning realization that we accused her of something that we should of known she would never do in a million years suddenly hits me hard.
"I'm happier now because of Ora actually. When he sent me the roses I broke down and cried hysterically. I cried for all that I've done, for all that I put you through, for everything," she walks back to her seat, sitting beside me, she places her arms on the table, interlocking her fingers together, "then it hit me like a lightening bolt. If I kept on going on like the the way that I was that means that I was letting Terry win." She inhales deeply, slightly lowering her head and closing her eyes for a second.
"I couldn't allow that to happen. I couldn't let Terry win nor DC for that matter. I was so tired of getting pushed around. So tired of being hurt. If I lost myself in my cycle of depression then they both would win. Regardless if Terry is gone or not he still held this power over me. He controlled me even in death and if I let it continue then he would win and I couldn't allow that to happen. I wouldn't. So I decided in that moment that I was no longer going to be Terrys obsession. He's little toy!" She struggles to take a breath to keep from crying. I hate to see her so broken.
"I couldn't be this defenseless little person any longer. I hate being so shattered. I hated knowing that if I did accomplish killing myself then Terry would have won. That if I continue being this broken little doll he accomplished what he wanted and I won't let him get what he wanted! I'm going to be happy from here on out, I'm going to strive to be stronger and no longer someone who can be bullied or pushed around any longer!" She's beginning to get angrier. She balls her little hands up into fist, clutching them so tightly her knuckles are starting becoming white.
"So no, I'm not using magic to make myself feel better and I'm definitely not doing drugs. I just decided that I'm going to be a better and happier person because I won't allow Terry or DC or anyone else who gets in my way to being me down any longer. I'm a fighter and I will not hide in the fucking shadows anymore." She quickly jumps up from her seat, wiping away a tear that has haphazardly fallen down on the side of her rosy cheek.
"You should have more faith in me." Her voice quivers when she admonishes us. Eyeing each of us wearily before she turns on her heels leaving us speechless as she leaves the room hurriedly.
Silence ensues.
I watch her walking away from us feeling deep remorse and an abundance amount of shame for my accusations toward her.
She's absolutely right.
We should have more faith in her. We have let her down time and time again thinking mainly of ourselves. We are terrible mates. She should be mated to someone other than us. Someone that would have more faith in her, who can see her for what she truly is: a warrior.
"We fucked up!" Asher comments the obvious.
"It's all my fault. I should not have assumed that she was using magic. I'm so sorry guys." Cal tries to make amends.
"No we should have more faith in her like she said. We are all guilty Cal, not just you." Ora assured him.
"We will have to find a way to make it up to her that's for sure." Asher adds.
"Maybe we're just not good enough for her. She should be with someone who treats her like she should be treated all we have managed to do through all of this is make her miserable. She's been cheated on, lied to, hurt, kidnapped, assaulted, and almost killed and we are the ones who are suppose to protect her. She didn't need us to take care of DC. She did it all on her own. She deserves someone better." I say guiltily.
"If you're thinking about giving her up so she can find someone better then you my brother are sadly mistaken if you think for one second I would go along with something so fucking ridiculous. She is ours Faron just as we are hers. I can't give her up. I won't." Asher says with pure conviction.
"Me either. I'll fight you tooth and nail before I let her go." Cal adds.
"Same here. I love her. Yea I have fucked up. We all have and I should have been there to protect her but I will never give her up just to make you feel better about all of this Faron." Ora argues.
"I'm not fucking thinking about me! I'm thinking about her. We have done nothing but cause her anguish and pain. She's right. We don't have faith in her. She is our Queen but we sure as hell don't treat her like one. If letting her go is the only way she will get the love and respect she deserves then we should stop being so damn selfish and let her go." I try to persuade them.
"Hell no! I won't let her go Faron!" Ora states.
"Me either. Why are you thinking this way?" Asher ask.
"Have you ever heard of the proverb 'if you love something set it free. If it comes back, it is yours, if it doesn't, it never was?' We have to let her go so she can spread her wings and fly all on her own. We owe her that much." I morosely state.
"So you want to break up with her even after we ask her to marry us so she can what? Find herself?" Cal curiously ask.
"Yes, basically. She needs this. More than she needs us right now and we need to learn to have faith in her. If we let her go, for now, we have to have faith that she will come back to us. If she loves us enough she will. If she doesn't then..." I trail off.
"Is that what you really want Faron? Is that seriously what you think I need? Freedom from all of you?" Jaci ask.
I never heard her renter the kitchen. She's standing there, eyeing me furiously, with her hands balled into fist placed on her hips.
I buck up. Gathering my courage.
"Yes I do. You want us to have more faith in you? Well, this is a way to prove it. Plus you need time away from us to find out if it's us that you truly want. It may sound frivolous but it's an option that you can't argue with. It will help you Jaci along with us." I state bravely.
Cal jumps up erratically from his seat, furious at my suggestion.
" I said no Faron. I'm not letting her go." He walks over to Jaci. Embracing her tenderly, he places he head on top of hers lovingly.
"Me either." Asher adds. Going over to Jacis other side doing the same as Cal done.
I look over to Ora.
"I'm with them." He shrugs. He also walks over to Jaci, standing behind her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.
I'm the only one that sees that she needs this badly apparently.
Blocking my brothers furious stares at me, I focus on Jaci. Surrounded by my brothers she looks so small and fragile.
I wish they could see how much I think she needs this. We need to prove to her that we do have the utmost faith in her and unfortunately this is the only way that I can see to go about it.
"Well I guess I'm on my own on this. Jaci I'm doing for this for you as well as for us." I solemnly tell her.
Standing from my seat I walk over to them, stopping directly in front of her, I place my hand on her sweet cheek tracing my thumb along her soft face.
"I'm sorry baby." Taking a deep breath, I give my brothers a quick glance. Then I return my attention back to Jaci.
"It's over." I usher the two words to her, that somehow, I know that I will dread on the future but for now I have to have enough confidence to know that she will find her way back to me.
Somehow.
Before I can view her crestfallen face, I walk away from all of them. Heading to my bedroom to pack a few of my belongings. I'll stay with Greg for awhile then I'll decide where to go from there.
My wolf Samson is howling remorsefully in my head. His sorrow kills me.
I know I just hurt Jaci and I definitely realize that I'm taking a huge chance that I will never be able to be with her again.
But like she said, I have to have faith in her.
This is one way that I can prove to her that my faith in her is undeniable.
Even if it's breaking my heart along with hers I have to do this.
Reaching in my back pocket, I take out my cellphone to call Greg. When I reach my room, I call him. He answers on the first ring.
"I need a place to stay. I'll explain later. Think you and Yonan can spare a room for me for a few days?" I ask him.
"Sure boss. We're always here for you. I'll Yonan know." He affirms.
"Thanks." I tell him showing my gratitude.
Hanging up, slipping my phone back in my pocket, I drag out my suitcase from my closet. Placing it on my bed.
While I'm packing I can hear Jaci crying in the other room thanks to my super hearing abilities.
Just hearing her cry breaks me but I have to be strong. I'm doing this more for her than for myself.
After I'm packed up enough for a few days, I take a deep breath before I exit my room. Walking slowly back into the upper part of the manor, I see my brothers consoling Jaci on the sofa.
Ora is to her right, Cal is to her left and Asher is sitting on the floor in front of her between her legs.
They all are touching her, caressing her, trying their best to comfort her.
With a shaky breath, I walk past them, behind the sofa, edging my way to door trying to go unnoticed.
Placing my hand on the doorknob, I take a final glance in their direction.
Asher is eyeing me angrily, the others are just choosing to ignore my presence.
"Hope your happy!" Asher informs me disgustingly.
"No I'm not Asher but I'm trying to prove to her that I do have faith in her. I'm trying to make her happy!" I defend.
"Does she look happy to you?" Asher ask defensively. Waving his hand in front of Jaci.
"No." I shake my head, opening the door, I adjust my suitcase that's in my hand while watching their interaction.
"But it's the only way I can show her." I close the door, walking away from the manor with hesitant steps.
Taking one last look at the manors front door, I feel a lonely tear fall from my eye. Rolling down my cheek, dropping onto my shirt, marking it with a tiny wet spot.
I have to believe that I'm making the right decision. I have to believe that she will eventually come to back me.
Otherwise, I just blew any chance I may have to be with her away very callously.
With Samson continuously howling sorrowfully in my head, I walk away from the love of my life, sadly.
With the hope that this will work out the way I want it so badly too.
Or else she's lost to me forever!