Aliens Moved My Cheese

I believe my brother’s explanation for the paradigm shift from green alien spotters to grey alien spotters has merit. However, let’s look at this from a less far-fetched perspective. We need to ask ourselves the question, what would prompt somebody to make up a story about a little green man in 12th century England? I come from a very blue collar “don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining” type of perspective. I have also read about ancient druidic/pagan religious beliefs. One of the God’s the ancient druids worshipped was a dude called “The Green Man.” Greeny was a nature spirit responsible for the growth and fertility of plants that people needed to survive. Even in the 12th century many of the ancient druidic traditions were an ingrained part of English culture, despite the religious domination of that island by Christianity. Ever read Morte de Arthur? It is filled with pagan imagery despite a decidedly Christian based theme. If during that era you mentioned “The Green Man” most Englishmen and more than a few crazy ass Scots would have understood who you were talking about. That is a clear indication that the concept of a little green man who was superior to humans would have been an idea that was an existing part of English culture and iconography.

We humans are social animals. Most people crave attention. I think we need to consider that somebody made up a story about a little green man as an attempt to illicit the attention of others. Kids do it all the time and it is often referred to as “attention seeking behaviors.” Adults are often guilty of engaging in these same types of behavioral patterns, particularly if they have lonely meaningless lives. Now consider this for a second. If you were a lonely British wanker with only your sheep as company and you wanted to make up a story to get attention, where would you draw your story from? The obvious answer would be from your own experience or your own knowledge base. If the person making little green man claims knew the old druidic myths, it wouldn’t be that big a stretch to assume that was where his story idea came from. If the person telling the tale were say bat shit crazy and actually believed their own bullshit, then it wouldn’t be ridiculous to assume that such a story might be rattling around in their sub consciousness. I’m not a big believer in testimonial evidence from the word go. I could tell you I saw an alien visitor who is a pink unicorn that plays guitar like Jimi Hendrix. That doesn’t necessarily make that claim true now does it? Without proof to back up my pink unicorn claim, most people instantly would think I was full of shit. So why is some lonely 12th century Brit’s little green man exempt from that same burden of proof and somehow more credible than I am? The moral of this story is “believe half of what you see and none of what you hear” boys and girls.

I know readers are dying to ask me, “Do you believe aliens exist and regularly visit this planet?” I’d have to give you a qualified “I simply don’t know.” I haven’t had a green and/or grey alien over for a kegger any time in my personal history. I haven’t seen any undeniable proof that either type of alien or any alien for that matter exist. Believe me if Marvin the Martian shows up on my front doorstep asking me if I’ve heard another testament of Jesus Christ, I’ll be the first person to alert Project Blue Book. Until that time I remain an optimistic skeptic. I’d like to think that aliens exist and statistically when we consider the number of worlds in the universe, it is likely that they do. I honestly hope we aren’t the only intelligent life out there because I’ve always had a fantasy about having an orgy with a bunch of alien ho’s. Yes that’s right, my inner nerd is showing. I have a hard on for Klingon biyotches, so sue me. In my opinion all UFO enthusiasts should err on the side of skepticism when reading any testimonial concerning alien visitation. Take it for what it is not what you want it to be. Most UFO conspiracy theorists tend to take people’s claims as truisms regardless of actual physical evidence being present. That is a logical fallacy in the extreme. I require proof because I know people can and often do lie. To deny this fact is to admit you are incredibly naïve.

My brother Aaron gave you medieval testimonials associated with alleged visitations by green and grey aliens. I’d like to interject a modern day explanation for why far fewer people are reporting sightings of greens as opposed to greys in our present era. It all boils down to one simple word “Hollywood.” In the 1950’s-1970’s science fiction was a very popular movie genre. In the 50’s the concept of little green men was the pervasive conceptualization of what people thought aliens looked like. The explanation for this was relatively simple. If you see a bunch of movies about visiting aliens and they are more often than not little green men, that idea is stuck in your subconscious. It becomes a pop culture phenomena expressing itself in the real world as sightings of little green men. Let’s say you have a weird experience with a strange looking being of unknown origin showing up on your property. You couldn’t get a clear look at them because it was dark. The mind under stress and/or high anxiety will often fill in the blanks. What would the mind use as reference material, if you firmly believed the creature you saw was of alien origin in the 1950’s I wonder? More than likely little green men would come to mind first because that would be your cultural point of reference. Now flash forward to late 1970’s science fiction movies. One in particular comes to mind in reference to visitation by grey aliens. If you immediately thought of the aliens in the movie “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” you win a cookie. Now there were alleged sightings of greys prior to the making of that movie but before the film was released and became a blockbuster hit, far more people were reporting visitations by greens. After the movie was released the number of grey sightings increased drastically and the number of reported green alien sightings went down drastically. Are you starting to see the correlation there? If not why the fuck not? That is not to say that all people claiming alien contact are just making it up or having delusions that they are being visited by aliens using a conceptualization of a Hollywood motif of what aliens are supposed to look like. What it means is statistically a large number of these claimants are most likely full of shit, especially when we consider the lack of hard evidence to support most of these claims.

I’m willing to look at any alleged evidence people have concerning visitations by greens and greys. I like to think I’m open minded enough to analyze said evidence without a great deal of personal bias. What I will not do is blindly accept the word of somebody I don’t know without strong supporting evidence. That is a problem I often see with UFO believers and individuals who claim they‘ve met aliens including but not limited to greys and greens. They can be more than a little obsessive about their favorite topic of discussion. They are very often willing to overlook little things like physical evidence in favor of the testimonials of less than credible sources. Did you know that by far the highest incidence of UFO and alien sightings in the entire world take place in the “Wild and Wonderful” State of West Virginia? Have you ever been to West Virginia? Why any superior alien life form would ever want to go there is beyond me. My guess is if aliens really are visiting that state they are doing so because of the high incidence of inbreeding to be found there. It’s a who’s who of family trees that don’t fork. We are talking about people that think boogers are a food group and the T.V. show Hee Haw is a cultural event. Green and Grey aliens could in all probability walk around in Western West Virginia (Mingo County) and not appear strange at all. On second thought maybe the high incidence of visitations reported in West Virginia make a twisted sort of sense. In a land filled with genetic abnormalities, the strangely colored alien with big eyes is king. When I was going to college at Frostburg State University in Western Maryland, I briefly dated a Veterinary Technician from Terra Alta West Virginia. Her sexual practices always struck me as oddly alien in origin much to my delight. Who knows, maybe I dated a grey in disguise?