Adapt (I)

Scarlet

Caron refuses to let go of my hand. She is damn near sitting on my lap as Jess and Trent fill the small picnic table with food and set up Tamara and Clarke to eat. I just watch with a stupid grin on my face. Clarke crowds me on the other side, asking me questions. I avoid answering by asking him about school. He informs me that he has a girlfriend now but refuses to tell me her name, so I am reduced to guessing.

The only time Caron diverts her attention from me is when her phone buzzes and she answers, typing with one hand. On the third text I look over her shoulder and see the name.

“Chandler?” I ask.

She blushes under her vanilla skin. “We are just friends.”

I smile secretly to myself “He’s a good guy.” I say, trying to keep up my end of the bargain I made with Chandler three weeks ago. “I had a few classes with him. He is always nice, if not a little shy. And he is very smart.”

She looks up at me and I see a spark of something. “Yeah, I think he is a good guy, too.”

I nudge her shoulder. “Someone once told me to just be a teenager for once.”

She puts her phone back in her pocket and returns to picking at the BBQ ribs in front of her. “Speaking of, how is Boe?”

I put my fork down. “I have no idea. He went back to HQ.”

“So, you are living with that therian all by yourself?” Caron asks, incredulous.

“I agree, I don’t like it.” Trent’s voice reaches across the table, evidently eavesdropping on our conversation.

I roll my eyes. I knew that this was coming. The way that Logan had arranged for me to visit with them had left little doubt as to who’s protection I was under.

“It isn’t just him. He has two sisters that live with him, Margarita and Audrey. They are wonderful!” I decide that the half lie is permissible. I haven’t met Audrey yet.

“Are they human?”

“No, but-” I am cut off.

“Then that just makes it worse. You are surrounded by three of those monsters. They are keeping you like a pet.” Trent barks, his forearms flexing.

“They are not.” I retort. Beside me, I feel Clarke huddle in a little closer to me.

“You have Stockholm syndrome so bad that you cannot even see it. Just stay here, Scarlet. We will figure out a way to defend you. We have done it for this long. We can-”

“No, you can’t.” My tone is firm and unwavering, but the volume is steady. “It isn’t just the monsters after me anymore, Trent. The hunters are after me, and who knows what I will turn into. I do a bang-up job defending my family on one front. I have no hope of defending my family on three fronts. I will not risk my family’s lives, and you shouldn’t either.” The last part slips out before I can help it. I clamp my mouth shut.

Trent is fuming, unable to speak. It is Jess that asks the question.

“What are you going to turn into?”

I pull my hand from Caron, who had been watching the whole conversation unfold with a stunned expression. I rub both of my hands over my face. “Can we just have a meal together? Be happy and celebrate.”

Jesse replies again, her voice pleading and hurt. “Sweetheart, that’s hard when we know you have to leave again. This whole thing doesn’t feel right. We are sick with worry. We know you must be feeling overwhelmed, but we are here to help you. We are your family and we love you no matter what.”

I get up from my seat, hoping that standing will give me back my sense of control. “You can’t help me through this. I can’t do everything.”

“We aren’t asking you to, sweetheart. We can get through this together. We just need to know what is going on.” Jess unlaces herself from the picnic table to come to me and put her arms around me.

And I completely unravel. Jess. Her strawberry scented hair tickles my face. In the curve of her shoulder, I begin to cry.

Lara might be my mother, but Jess is my Mum.

And yet, after allowing myself a few moments to be a child crying in my Mum’s arms, I straighten and step away. I wipe my wet face. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t.”

A loud thump sounds from the picnic table and I look over to see Trent, his face red with anger. “Well, you damn well aren’t staying with them!”

“Trent.” Jess’s voice cautions him.

“No, Jess, she obviously has lost her mind. She has forgotten who she is. She needs to stay here and remember.”

“Stop it.” Jess barks.

But something breaks inside of me at Trent’s words.

Before my eyes I see nine years of my life - my whole life, really - play in montage. The training sessions; the peanut butter sandwiches; the laughter as we watch our favourite tv shows together.

It isn’t just the good times that I see. I see the seemingly endless paperwork Trent went through to be able to officially adopt me. I see the lectures after getting a phone call from school about me getting into another fight. I see the panic in his eyes as he woke me from the nightmares that had me thrashing about.

I see the proud papa-bear smile that he didn’t know I saw every time I nailed a new technique in training; when I was awarded high grade for my hard studies; when I told him I finished a hunt. He couldn’t smile that smile without it encompassing every inch of him. His cheeks bulge with it, his blue eyes crinkle with it, his stance widens with it.

Between us was a bond that seemed at once hard won and instantaneous.

And looking into Trent’s eyes, I see that bond tear and snap. I know it is me that has broken it, with my lies and secrecy. And it is far too late to mend it.

“No, he is right.” I say in a dull tone. I send out the signalling thought to Logan. “Who I thought I was isn’t who I am. Not anymore, at least.” I take a step back and Jess reaches for me.

“Where the hell do you think you are going?” Trent growls, rising from his seat.

“I love you guys.” I look each of them in the eyes. Tamara, face smeared with BBQ sauce. Caron with her blonde locks in the perfect beach waves. Trent and his furious blue eyes. Jess’s smile lines reminding me of how she finds joy in everything.

I wonder how she will find joy in this.

Clarke runs to me and nearly tackles me to the ground. “No!” He says with all of the might of a nine-year-old. “You are staying.”

Oh shit. My heart crumbles. I hug him with all of the strength I think he can withstand. “I can’t kiddo. I’m not strong enough to protect you all.”

“Yes, you are. You’re a superhero. Superheroes always win.”

In this instant, I don’t feel very heroic. In fact, I feel like the villain. “I can’t win this one by staying here.” I unclamp his grip and kneel in front of him. “You listen to me. You look after your Mum and Dad for me, and that adorable baby sister of yours.” Phoenix’s wet nose nudges the back of my arm and promptly licks the side of my face. “And this butthead as well.” I laugh, inspiring a small gurgled laugh from Clarke. “And one day I will come back and we will be a family again.”

“You’re lying, aren’t you?” He says in a small voice.

I give him a tight smile. “Being hopeful and being a liar aren’t the same thing.” I swallow. “I hope I’m not lying.”

“Me too.” He wraps his arms around my neck, and I squeeze him again then let him go. I rise to my feet and take a few more steps backward.

A breeze swoops through the back yard, and I am blown away with it.