A Spy in Exile

BERLIN, MARCH 2015

Nufar and Assaf went out walking by the river again. The Spree this time, in the heart of Berlin. They felt drained after the long day of debriefing.

“You know something,” Assaf said, appearing to edge closer to her with every step, “today was the first time I understood the extent of the risks involved in the plan we adopted for the Brussels operation. Like walking on a razor’s edge.”

Nufar looked at Assaf with an amused smile, and he felt obliged to defend his choice of words. “Yes, it was a wild gamble,” he added. “And though it succeeded, it could also have failed.”

“You’re wrong,” Nufar responded. “Ya’ara took advantage of the element of surprise, the ability to terrify and intimidate, to the very fullest. She wore a gas mask not only to protect herself from the tear gas, it was psychological warfare, too. And she must have looked like an alien monster to them at the time. And she managed to clearly point out to the Belgian prison guards the balance of forces between them. She was there to kill, but Hamdan only. They mostly just wanted to go home. She planned a brilliant operation, and created a situation in which she had an excellent chance of coming out on top. Nothing less. A little like David and Goliath.”

“So who’s who in this story?”

“Ya’ara is David, and the Belgian prison guards are Goliath. But in my opinion, Goliath didn’t stand a chance. When David went out to fight him, his victory was guaranteed, and not only because Goliath underestimated his strength. David was quick and light on his feet, he was out of Goliath’s range, he used a weapon that made Goliath’s armor and shield ineffectual. You see, it really was a battle between enemies of unequal strength. But the stronger of the two, in fact, was David. That’s clear. It’s clear to me. He’s the future. Goliath went to battle guaranteed to lose.”

Nufar stopped talking and started to laugh.

“What, what’s up?”

“Look at us,” she said, “walking along the river on a freezing cold night in Berlin, big stars shining in the sky, and we’re conducting a biblical discussion. A bit of a strange situation, is it not?”

“I’ve been in stranger,” Assaf responded with a smile, and Nufar tensed.

Assaf continued. “I suggest we do what men and women who like each other do,” he said. “As long as we’re here, we’re neighbors. So your room or mine?”

Nufar gave him a stern look, mixed with affection. “It’s time I told you something in that regard, Assaf, but not out here in this cold.”

“You’re scaring me a little,” he replied, smiling, trying to test how serious she was.

“I really want you to hear me out.”

• • •

They sat down together in a neighborhood bar with a large fire ablaze in the fireplace at the far end of the room. Nufar was pleased that Assaf couldn’t disappear on her into the grim darkness that characterized several of the bars in which they had spent long hours during their two weeks together in Cologne.

“If I wanted to fuck you,” Nufar said to him, “I would have done so a long time ago.”

Assaf recoiled. He didn’t like the blunt language, the expression on Nufar’s face, but he listened.

She looked at him intently. “You’re a sweet guy,” she said, “and good-looking, too, I’ll admit that, and I’ve felt over the past few months that I’d like to be with someone, someone I can have fun with, without things getting too complicated. And if I’d made the first move, you’d have rushed into things without thinking twice.”

Assaf wanted to protest but knew she was right. If she had just hinted at the possibility, he would have followed her without a moment’s hesitation.

“I held back not because I wasn’t attracted to you. On the contrary. But I stopped myself because I know you love your wife and that you miss her and your children. You told me about her yourself, and you showed me pictures of all of you and the drawing they sent you. You’re alone now, and far from home, and you think there won’t be any consequences for what we do, but that’s not true. And if you’re incapable now of acting responsibly, I’ll do so for you. Because I know you, and I like you. And I don’t want to do it to Tali either, I don’t want to wrong her, too, because you don’t do things like that. I, at least, don’t do things like that, or more accurately, I try very hard not to ruin the lives of other people.”

She took a sip of her whiskey sour and continued. “We’re supposed to continue doing what we’re doing for the coming years. This kind of work is demanding and requires focus and perseverance. I want us both to succeed. To be focused. To do nothing stupid that we’re going to regret. To be able to work together and rely on one another without complicating everything in an impossible way. And if you’re wondering, I hope to find someone who really loves me, not who wants to be with me because it’s easy. And you have something you’ve already built and that is precious to you. That you need to safeguard. So don’t ruin it. And let’s not ruin what we have. I need you in this unit with me without complications and without any riots.”

Assaf hesitated for a while before responding. “I think I understand,” he said. “I didn’t mean to offend you in any way. I would never hurt you. You know that’s not what I wanted.”

Nufar nodded in confirmation and Assaf leaned toward her, brushed her hair aside, and kissed her lightly on her right temple. “You’re amazing, Nufar,” he said. “I’m glad you’re my friend.”