A Journey of Reiki

-Sybis-

“I love you Sybis.”

“I love you too, Jill.” I took her hand as we ran through the forest, seeing what new things we could find. She looked beautiful in the sunlight, and in my opinion, any time of the day.

And then I realized that this was a dream, that Jillian was dead.

I let go of her hand.

“Sybis?”

“I’m sorry, Jill.” I took a step back from her, tears forming in my eyes.

“What do you have to be sorry for?” She stepped forward, grabbing my hands and leaning in for a kiss. I looked away.

“You are not my Jill. Not anymore.” I turned away from her.

And everything shifted.

I was no longer in the forest, but in a bright, cheerful yellow room. I sat in a plump chair by the window, a book I’d never read before in my hand.

“Good morning, Sybis.” I jumped at the sound, and looked over to see Eliseia rising from bed, her hair a mess, but her eyes bright in the morning sun.

“Eliseia?”

“Yes?”

“Where… Why are you here? And how can you talk?” She shrugged.

“You need to leave.”

“Uh--”

“Now, Sybis Glacia.” Her face grew grave.

“Find your father. Find him. Find him.” Her face grew darker, scary. “Kill him.” I shook my head.

“She would never say that--”

“KILL HIM-”

The peace didn’t last long.

The rush into the medical bay after my fight roused me, the doctor forced me to the mat as I haphazardly tried to figure out what the hell was going on. Someone held my hand, and with another look, I saw it was Uvesilin. I looked around for Belrae and saw her giving orders to the doctors around us.

“What’s going on...” I mumbled, but Uvesilin quieted me.

“Not now, Sybis, conserve your energy.” I felt fine. My body was numb and on second thought that wasn’t good. Or was it? I couldn’t remember. I leaned up, looking down at my body.

Horror hit me. Blood, more blood than I had ever seen soaked through my chest. My armor had been removed at some point, but I didn’t remember when. My shirt had been ripped open and my pale skin was barely visible under the blood, the crimson staining my chest scared me. I was scared. More scared than what the arena gave me, more fear than anything.

I could fight my opponent, but now my opponents were fighting me from the grave, their wounds killing me from a place I couldn’t reach them.

“Sybis,” Belrae said, walking to my side. I realized I was in a room now, on a cot. The walls shifted in and out of focus as Uvesilin gripped my hand harder.

“Stay with us Sybis,” Uvesilin muttered. Belrae continued.

“What she said, you need to keep your eyes open.” Well, I really didn’t want to, in all honesty. The darkness was warm and comforting... So warm...

“Wake up!” Wham.

Belrae slapped me so hard the drowsiness of it all vanished, my eyes refocused, my head cleared and the full extent of my pain hit me. I hurt, I hurt like the strike of Slephnir had claimed me.

“Ow ow ow ow...” I wanted to cry, to run away from the pain.

“There, stay that way.” I shot her a look, but judging from her own I did not want to pick a fight with her. It would end in my sure death, not by the hands of my bleeding, but by the hands of my master.

“We need to stop the bleeding, doctors.” They all nodded, and what I assumed to be the Head Doctor stepped forward and set her hands on me. She looked me in the eye.

“Sir, this is going to hurt, but I’m going to burn your wounds closed so the bleeding stops, and then administer a healing suave and a recovery spell to heal you. If everything goes well, you’ll be free to go by this afternoon. But for now, bite this.” She handed me a thick leather strap. I winced but bit down on it regardless. I took some deep breaths.

She muttered a word and a singing pain roared through my body, everything flared hot, before immediately cooling down again, I screamed into the belt, biting down hard enough to leave the imprints on it. Before I could even finish the scream I began to feel better. Whoever this doctor was, she was good.

“Thmanksf,” I muttered from the belt, meaning to thank her. She nodded and smiled, her Reiki slowly pouring into me, mending my wounds as my body felt like a sick jelly was spreading over it, being dumped on me. I shivered.

“Sybis,” Came the voice of my mentor, who stood beside me. I looked up into her eyes and gave her my best smile. Her look was full of venom as she reached out and touched me with her fingertip, barely grazing my temple. Her voice appeared in my head, giving it a whole new meaning of terrifying. ”If you ever, and I mean ever, do a stunt like this again, I will be sure to kill you myself.”

Everything in me froze as we looked at each other. It took all of my effort to make even the slightest of movements: a small head nod. She gave me a wicked smile.

“Yes, ma’am.” Was all I could muster. She turned on a heel and I watched her with fear in my heart as she left the room in anger, her very Reiki forming an aura of frustration and pure fury.

“She’s secretly thankful,” Uvesilin said, gripping my hand tighter as the doctors began wrapping everything up, talking to each other in the corner of the room. “Even if she doesn’t show it.” She offered me a small smile, and I was amused by their stark contrast in nature now, Uvesilin being nice and Belrae being mean. I knew I did the right thing, and in the end, I made it out okay. Almost.

The thoughts would remain in my head, the darkness, the feeling of killing those who only fought for what I did, thought a little bit differently.

I would be haunted. I was sure by the faces of Cinder and Leonella and Apollo, they would all look me in the face as I slept. I was sure of it, sure as the sun to shine.

“I’m sorry, Uvesilin.” I laid back, the darkness beginning to crash down on me as I contemplated them. Uvesilin’s hand went from my hand to my heart, where the most pain lay. I remembered Leo’s face as I killed her. I would remember it forever. She sighed, her touch was comforting.

“You have no need to be. You had the guts to do what you did, and skill to survive it all... I can only imagine what it must be like in your head right now, but just know that no pain lasts forever, Sybis.” I closed my eyes, shaking my head. I felt the tears coming even though I tried desperately to keep them away.

“Not this one. Not this time.” I felt embarrassed for crying in front of Uvesilin, but I couldn’t stop it, and a part of me wanted to, to let it all out. It felt good, somewhere inside of me I needed this.

And Uvesilin let me cry, she left her hand over my heart, she listened to my tears without interrupting.

I stayed like that until the pain faded. Don’t get me wrong, it didn’t go away, it simply ebbed down a bit, only a smidge, but enough to let me function. I had no idea how long I had cried, but my eyes hurt, my face red from the pressure and the streaks. I was a mess, I knew it, but Uvesilin didn’t budge from my side. Once I had wiped my face, and got my breathing under control, she finally broke the silence.

“Do you want to go for a walk, Sy?” I didn’t know what I wanted, but the walk sounded better than sitting down. I nodded.

She helped me to my feet slowly, the pain in my side ached tremendously. I guess even magic couldn’t heal everything. The pain was a reminder, however, and a reminder that I desperately needed. As I stood up, I lifted the plain beige shirt they had given me and looked at my torso.

The last time I saw my waist it was covered in more blood than I had known was in my body. Now, on it were only scars, remembrances of the fight. Two punctures, starburst patterns, and a parallel cut now adorned my waist, three more to add to my collection.

“Focus no more, Sy,” Uvesilin grabbed my hand, pulling my shirt down and began leading me outside. “Let your mind relax.” She held my hand tight, her skin cool against mine, soft and caring. She led me through a cold hallway down a flight of stairs, where she pushed two doors open that led directly to a courtyard, where the entrance and exit to the hospital was, marked by a large archway. She led me to a bench.

As soon as I spotted it, Eliseia came to mind. The kiss...

Well, it seems I was alive to deal with it. And now, I had to focus on what I was going to do.

I couldn’t explain what I felt for her, but I could try... but did I know it myself? I didn’t think so. I enjoyed my time with her, but I needed more time to understand. Both myself and my feelings.

I sat down heavily on the bench, and Uvesilin sat next to me. Her velvet hair was tied back in a braid, hung over her shoulder. Her eyes were calmer than usual, her face sweeter, brighter. I wasn’t sure what was going on.

“Uvesilin?”

“Yeah, Sy?”

“You’re acting strange today. Normally I would’ve been hit at least once. What’s going on?” She smiled at my joke, but looked down at her feet and sighed.

“I’m very thankful for you.”

“Why?”

“Because you saved my sister, Sybis. At the cost of your own sanity, which makes me indebted to you in more ways than I care to admit to you.” I nodded slowly, accepting what she said. I guess I had, though I had to betray Belrae to do it. But hell, she was alive to be mad, and that was good enough for me.

“I suppose you could see it that way.” I shrugged my shoulders, letting them fall again. It was hard to pull emotions from within me, hard to change my mindset. It was like running through mud and sand while weighing myself down with rocks and luggage, it was just too much.

I closed my eyes, and before I knew it the faces of Apollo, Cinder, and Leonella came into mind. It was overbearing to think about it, but their faces sprung clear as I killed them, their bodies maimed or weak from battle. I had killed them all, though they weren’t very different from me. I had taken their lives for the sake of my own…

“They’re dead, Sybis. The deed is done.”

“Is Jillian ok?”

“Sybis,” My Uncle scolded me from the kitchen. “Drop it. Jillian’s family was a disgrace to Okenata and her people. They’re better dead.” I was angry at him, hatred poured through me. He had talked about my friend, my only friend, like she was an enemy.

“I hate you.” I called, and before I could listen to a response, I ran out of the house, through the fields like me and Jillian used to do, before her entire family was executed for hiding criminals.

I will never forget this day. I wondered if I would ever be ok.

“Will I ever be ok, Uvesilin?” She seemed taken aback by the sudden question. “I killed those people. They were, in the end, harmless to me. I didn’t have to kill them, but the rules made me. I killed them.” I said these words with emotionless vigor. I could tell by her expression that she didn’t know what to do or say, and that was alright.

I didn’t want anyone to try and help me, this was something I needed to solve for myself.

“I think I’m going to go for a walk, Uvesilin.” She went to stand up as I did, but I left my hand on her shoulder and pushed her down. “No, I’ve got to do this myself. I need time to... think.” She nodded but seemed a little disappointed. She sat back down without argument.

“Whatever you need, Sybis. Just so you know, Bel and I are leaving in three hours, if you want to leave with us.”

“Do I have a choice?” She smiled and shrugged.

“We always have a choice, Sy.” I looked at her. She was right, but in a way, she was wrong as well.

“I’ll see you back here before then.” I turned and walked out of the courtyard without another word, my head filled with everything that had occurred.

The town of Hyren was pretty, at dusk. The sun and moon fought for the skies, a never-ending battle, and the streets were clear except for a few stragglers trying to get home or complete the last task before bed. I walked down the street. Moving with no clear intention or direction or destination in mind, simply meandering, simply walking.

My hip hurt, but I pushed that off to the back of my mind. My arm, where the burn lay, also stung, but I ignored that as well. I took an inventory of myself. I focused on my heart, my lungs, breathing in and out. I would come to live with myself one way or another, but I would have to learn. I would have to train my mind to make better choices in the future, to think everything through next time.

I was a fighter, I was good at it, and Belrae only made me stronger. It was the reason I had survived. But at the cost of three other lives that I didn’t feel I had the right to take. It would stain me, but then again, they wouldn’t be the last to, if I survived to the end of my mountain that I willingly chose to climb.

I needed to learn when it was ok to take a life, and when It was right to spare it. My sword was my friend, but my sword was my enemy as well, my skills were my companions, but they were to my detriment in the same. What I did would forever affect me, so I needed to make my choices clearly, with the right mindset.

I found myself on a strange street, the dusk turned to early nighttime, and the moon had won the battle. It winded through the sky with hazy clarity, its crystal light grazing down on the earth as well as myself, lighting up the path for me to follow, the road I was on.

Was this the road of life I followed? I looked down the road, and it was bright at first... but darkness soon swallowed it whole, the alleyways and connected streets left in abandon over the nighttime left me with both a sense of hope and dread for what lay ahead. What if my life reflected this street? Bright at first, easily guidable, but soon swallowed up by the self-hatred and darkness I caused for myself?

I wouldn’t know unless I tried, but at the same time, I didn’t know if I would ever be able to fix the path I walked if I walked it.

But I also wouldn’t know unless I tried.

“Sometimes, we gotta do what we don’t like, in hopes it turns into something we can wear with pride.” The words echoed back to me, and I listened to them. It reminded me of the robe I was supposed to get, for being the winner. I hated myself for the thought. I hadn’t won anything.

Something told me they were right, if not completely random.

“Kid, it’s concerning to be talking to yourself in the darkness.” I jumped at the sound of the stranger’s voice and instinctively went to grab my sword, only to find it wasn’t on my hip. I silently cursed myself for my stupidity, leaving it in my hospital room along with my armor, bloodstained with more than one color of blood.

I turned and saw a woman leaning in one of the many alleyways on this street, her body cloaked in darkness. She wore a cloak, I could tell by the silhouette and I could also see the scabbard of a longsword. Danger flashed through me.

“No need to be so jumpy, kid. I don’t mean any harm.” She stepped out of the darkness, her scales shining under the moonlight as the clank of her nails on the stone drove the fear deeper in my mind. Her eyes were slits, narrow and cautious as much as they were sturdy and confident. She wasn’t a fool I could tell, but she didn’t seem to see any danger. She was too relaxed.

“Who are you?” She snorted, her breath warm. The drangleic people were naturally warm, very warm, and most of the magic users were known to be pyromancers. Something told me she was one as well, her breath smelled of sulfur and ash. I stayed on my guard, not letting her advance too far. She seemed to take the hint, backing off and standing her ground. She wasn’t wearing any armor, only her cloak, and some typical travelling clothes, but underneath it could be deviously hidden.

“My name isn’t important, we’ll probably never meet again. I saw your fight in the Trial, I saw you win, clearly. I’m both impressed, and slightly concerned for you, kid.” It was my turn to snort.

“And why’s that, stranger?”

“Because you’re not a killer, Sybis of T’uuk.” I couldn’t place the look she gave me, but her words painted a clear image of my opponents again. She had caught my attention.

“And what of it?”

“Well, judging by your escapade outside, your mindless wandering, talking to yourself, as well as the look on your face every time you walked out of those fights, or in the last instance, carried out of the fight, I think you may be having a difficult time.”

“Why’s that your problem, stranger?” She tilted his head, analyzing me.

“Why shouldn’t it be?” I went to respond but found nothing jumped to my mind, nothing was ready. I had no answer. I shut my mouth instead, not knowing what to say to her. “Every living being,” She continued, seeing I had nothing. “is connected. We all share the same pain if we are connected enough.” She reached her palm out, and an orb of clear, white Reiki appeared, silent and swirling, a pleasant scent came from it. “I am as connected as a magic-user can be... my spirit is my outlet... I felt your pain, and I’ve come to do my part in making this world, making Magalia Nila better. If I can, of course.”

“I don’t understand, stranger.” She smiled, revealing his toothy grin.

“I sensed pain, and I have come to see if I can help.” She simplified it.

“I appreciate it,” I began, already backing away from her, my hands raised, “But this is something I need to do on my own.” She copied my gesture and took a step back in the alleyway, smiling.

“You may know of my name, Sybis, since I know yours.” I felt a little ounce of doubt, but nodded.

“Continue.”

“They call me Athanasia…” The name flew through my mind, she was the only Champion to ever win twice without calling on another to ride for her. She stood before me.

“Why… are you here?”

“I told you… I’m here to cleanse.” She shrugged, backing away.

“Wait--”

“It is your choice, Sybis. It is always...” She took another step, the darkness swallowing her completely, disappearing. “...your choice.” I watched her vanish, stunned at how quickly she dissipated into thin air.

I stepped forward into the alleyway, brushing my hand about in the darkness until I reached the end of the alley itself. No exits, unless she somehow jumped to the roof. She had managed to disappear without a trace, and I was left dumbfounded, and even more confused. The most renowned Champion in the world had decided to seek me out. This night just got better and better.

“Sometimes, things don’t need to be explained, Sybis.” I stopped and scratched my chin. “Except maybe the whole talking to yourself ordeal, we should get that checked out.”