A Game of Crowns

“There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves we feel no one else has a right to blame us.”

-Oscar Wilde

*Tobias’s POV*

I ’d let Penelope down every single time she needed me. First when she got stuck in her mind, then when she asked me to leave with her, and lastly when Thelonious took her.

In two out of three of those instances, Rowan had been able to save her, protect her. If Rowan wasn’t here now, she would have been who knows where. I was useless in these situations, while he knew what needed to be done to bring her back to us. I hated myself for being an inadequate person in who she put her trust in. She deserved better than me.

I felt an overpowering urge to punch a wall, an outlet for my anger. I might just punch Rowan if he continued to look at Penelope the way he had been. He was in love with her. It was written all over his face.

When had it happened? I hadn’t thought they’d known each other well, but I guess I didn’t know much of anything.

Penelope’s small, delicate frame laid in an infirmary cot, her braid tucked behind her. She looked serene as if she hadn’t recently gone through a traumatic event. My blood boiled when the nurse said she had a small concussion. Those bastards had crossed a line. The branding would heal quickly but the scar would always be visible.

Thelonious had branded her with an H for harlot. He’d left a mark on her that she’d never be able to get rid of.

It infuriated me that I hadn’t done anything to keep Thelonious from taking her. I had been too shocked by his revelation. I’d never forgive myself for the way it played out.

How the hell had I let him take her? The man had killed my family and I let him cart her off as if she meant nothing to me. I clenched my fists and dug my nails into my palms until I broke skin. I struggled to contain my shaking and keep my anger in check. I wanted to toss furniture around and rant, but I held it in. I inhaled and exhaled deeply, repeating the process several times before I was able to move past it.

Instead, I focused on the unconscious woman in front of me. All I wanted was for her to open her eyes and smile, but she remained still.

“Why isn’t she awake yet?” I asked.

“The nurse gave her a sleeping solution. She won’t wake for at least another eight hours.”

“But she has a concussion. Shouldn’t she be awake?”

He shook his head. “Normally, but that particular solution was made to help with concussions.”

I ran my gaze across her face, attempting to memorize every detail about her. I wasn’t the only one. Rowan watched her intently as well.

The way Rowan said that nothing had happened between them led me to believe that something had. Maybe not what I had initially thought, but something had happened. Penelope hadn’t denied it.

Imagining his hands on her and her lips on his made me cringe. I didn’t want to have those images in my head. The only ones I wanted were the ones of my time with her.

I had chosen my family’s legacy over the woman I was desperately in love with. When Penelope revealed how she felt, I wanted to tell her I reciprocated her feelings, but I couldn’t.

How could I lead her on? I’d still be partnered with Siobhan. There was nothing that would have changed it.

Was my family’s legacy worth losing her?

The simple answer was no.

I hung my head in shame. I couldn’t believe I rejected her when she asked me to leave. What a fool I’d been. I’d make it up to her. I’d find a way for us to be together in the end.

“Will she be disqualified?” I asked Rowan.

He nodded as he held onto her hand as she slept. I wanted to rip it out of his grip, but I wouldn’t allow myself the be spiteful. I owed Penelope more than that. He had found her after all, just not in time to matter.

“Why? If nothing happened,” I asked.

“If someone saw her and swore a blood oath on it then the council must take it as truth. Blood oaths do not seal on lies.”

My heart sunk. I never wanted to compete against Penelope, but I didn’t want her to leave this way. I didn’t want her to leave at all.

“What was she doing in your room, Rowan?” I dared to ask. I hated myself for even asking but a small merciless part of myself wanted to hear it out loud and feel the pain.

“That is none of your business,” he said flatly.

I grinded my teeth together. I wanted to argue and demand he answer me, but he was right. It wasn’t any of my business.

I moved to her free side and took her other hand in my own.

“Do you love her?” Rowan asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I sighed. There was no point in denying it anymore. “Yes. Do you?”

“I do,” he said, never removing his eyes from her profile.

Just when I started to think our conversation was over he looked up at me. “She asked you to leave, didn’t she?”

“How did you know?” I asked.

“Because. She’s the type of person who would choose love over power.”

His words were a punch to the gut. The shame rolled over me and threatened to devour me. I kept saying I was doing it for my family’s legacy, but that excuse was bullshit. I had let the siren’s call of power sway me, to choose for me.

Rowan’s sisters entered the infirmary, looking like two angels about to enact our deity’s justice, their white gowns dragging behind them.

“Rowan,” I said.

He looked up at me. I motioned towards the entrance where his sisters stood, waiting.

He stood, gently laying Penelope’s hand at her waist. He left to speak with his sisters. I used the time to have her to myself.

I moved a stray piece of hair behind her ear and softly caressed her cheek. I leaned in close and whispered, “I love you too, Penelope. I love you too.”

What had I done? This was my fault. I sent her into Rowan’s arms which led to these series of events.

I swallowed the sob that forced its way up my throat.

Rowan coughed. I hadn’t noticed his return. “She’ll be leaving within the hour. The council is sticking with its decision. There is nothing to be done,” he said roughly. “I suggest you return to your partner before someone decides to send you home too.”

I bit the inside of my cheek and swallowed the small pool of blood that gathered in my mouth.

“I’m not saying this to be cruel. I know that she wouldn’t want you to be disqualified as well. You should hurry. Her family has been notified and the council is on its way here to give its official verdict with her family present, acting as witnesses,” he said.

I merely nodded and leaned in to place a kiss on Penelope’s cheek. This would not be the end of us. The beginning of a plan had begun to form in the recesses of my mind.