#11 Meet Me in the Emerald Forest

Clementine

I can’t believe I’m about to do this, I can’t believe I’m about to do this.

I kept repeating that one sentence to myself over and over again as I paced my room. I knew I had to do it now or I was going to chicken out, so I stormed across my room and ripped the door open with a renewed sense of determination.

I was shocked when I nearly tripped over Lukas sitting on the floor. When I finally got his attention and he came to the realization that I wanted him to come inside my room, nearly all of my resolve had vanished. But, something about that look on his face and the love I saw clearly in his eyes, gave me all the confidence in the world to go on.

“When I was twelve, I fell in love with a boy.” I began, “I thought he was going to be my forever, my one true love. He was the most popular boy in school and came from money. You don’t know much about my mother, but she was very worried about appearances. She wanted a cheerleading captain for a daughter, but got me, instead. I was all the things she wasn’t and didn’t want. So, she absolutely loved it when I landed the quarterback, she couldn’t have been prouder. In fact, it was the only time she ever told me she was proud of me,

“Bennett and I dated all throughout high school. He made me feel like the only girl in the world, the only person who mattered. He never missed a chance to show me off and tell everyone that I was his. So, I thought it was normal when he would hit me or get so angry he blacked out from screaming. It was dumb things at first, like forgetting to wear his jersey on game days or for missing one of his practices for a study group. Then, it was all the time,

“He wanted me by his side 24/7, no matter what. I was missing study groups, debate team practice, student government, even some of my classes to skip school with him. My mother didn’t care, honestly, she was more proud of me wearing his class ring than of my perfect GPA. But, the one thing I maintained was my innocence. I refused to give him my virginity, I wanted to wait until we were married. That pissed him off,

“Valentine’s Day, our Junior year, he proposed to me under the school bleachers. Except, he said I had to tell everyone it was a promise ring and not to wear it on my left hand. He said everyone would freak out if we told them before we graduated. So, we made a plan to run away together to New York City when we turned 18 and graduated high school. Of course, he told me that since we were engaged now, I owed him sex. And, I did, I gave him my virginity that night,

“Over the summer, he got accepted into a football program hosted on a college campus in Texas. So did a few others from our school and some of the cheerleaders, too. Gianna, the captain of the squad, was invited. She had eyes for Bennett all throughout high school and hated me. Naturally, we were enemies. The rumors flew that she and Ben were hooking up at the summer camp. He swore up and down that he wasn’t and, like the naive teenager I was, I believed him,

“Senior year started up and the rumors continued. Everyone in school told me that they were together, and, if I had eyes, I would have been able to see the evidence for myself. Instead, I ignored them and all the proof standing in front of me. I continued to follow him around like his puppet,

“That fall, I was studying late after school most nights, preparing for the first round of SATs. He was pissed because I was missing his football practices and parties. One Saturday night, he told me about a bonfire and said I had to come or it was proof that I no longer loved him. So, of course, I rushed home from school and changed into his favorite outfit. Oh, wasn’t my mother so proud of me that night. I ran off to the bonfire, happy to be able to please him,

“It took me a few minutes to find him in the dark, but, once I did, it was clear as day what was going on. He was lit up by the fire, leaning against a tree, and making out with Gianna. I was devastated and so I ran. I ran through the forest and I ran right into a bunch of werewolves,” I paused my story, sucking in air as I tried to calm myself. My hands, arms, feet, legs, and every inch of my body was shaking violently.

I snuck a peek at Lukas and saw that his face was cold, expressionless, but his eyes were on fire. One was pitch black while the other was so green it was almost glowing. He blinked rapidly as he began to realize where I was in my story, the night we first met. I looked away from him, unable to watch him as I told the rest of my tale. Taking a deep breath, I continued,

“Anyway, you know how that all played out. Flash forward to when I got out of the hospital and Ben showed up to my house. He hadn’t visited me in the hospital or even tried to reach out about my parents. He came strolling up to my house like nothing had happened. I told him I was done, that I wouldn’t be with a cheater and that I needed time to deal with what happened to my parents. He was obviously enraged by that. He grabbed a hold of me but Danny had just gotten back and was hovering around all the time,

“He called and texted, but I ignored him. My parents’ funeral was almost a month after their deaths because of the investigation. When it finally happened, Ben showed up and tried to be at my side. I refused him and pushed him away. When it was over, I wanted to walk home to clear my head. Danny and I were still in a rough place and I needed some space from him. Ben must’ve followed me. He pulled alongside me and forced me into his truck,

“He drove us out to the woods where there was this little cabin high schoolers went to to get drunk and do drugs. He made me go inside and he beat the shit out of me. He told me that no one walked away from him, no one told him no, and no one made him look like a fool. He beat me until I couldn’t move, couldn’t see, and could hardly breathe. I was half unconscious on the floor, wishing I was dead, when the real attack started,

“He ripped my clothes off and assaulted me for God only knows how long. He raped me and I couldn’t do a thing about it. Once he was done, he took me back to the spot he found me at and tossed me out of the truck. I went to my friend Elle’s house and she took care of me. My other friends, Beau and Tara, came over and eventually talked me into going to the hospital to get checked out,

“I had broken ribs, a busted lip, a broken nose, a black eye that was swollen shut, a concussion, a fractured arm, broken wrist, busted leg, and a dislocated knee and shoulder. I spent a few days in the hospital. I refused to tell the doctor’s about the assault. I told everyone, including my brother, that I was mugged walking home. Only Elle, Tara, and Beau knew the truth,

“A month later I started feeling like shit so I had my friends buy me some pregnancy tests. Of course, they all came back positive and I had to come clean to Danny about what had happened. He shamed me and shamed me good. He threw every name in the damn book at me including the Bible itself. I was nothing but a slutty whore. He saw pictures of how I dressed, pictures of Ben and I together, so I was asking for it. He signed the consent form and tossed me out, told me not to come back until my situation was dealt with,

“Elle, Tara, and Beau took me to the clinic and held my hand while I had the abortion. I healed at Elle’s house, her parents were hardly ever home, and then went back to my house like nothing had ever happened. Danny pretended like nothing had ever happened. Ben never knew about any of it and life went on. I finished out high school, Gia and Ben stayed together, and then I left for Virginia U and never looked back.”

Silence.

Silence took up all the space in the room. I didn’t speak, Lukas didn’t speak, no one moved. My heart was about ready to beat out of my chest and my breathing was erratic. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, I didn’t have it in me to see the judgment, pity, disappointment, regret, or sick expression on Lukas’ face.

After what felt like an eternity, I heard Lukas shift on the bed. I kept my head down, looking at my hands that were clasped in front of me. Suddenly, Lukas was at my feet. He was on his knees, kneeling before me with his head resting against my stomach and his hands clenching the fabric of my shirt. I gasped and pulled my arms back in surprise, my body was frozen against the weight of his.

“I love you so much, Clementine.” His words shook me to my core, “I will always love you and I have always loved you. Even though I wasn’t there, I loved you through it. Even though I didn’t know you back at the beginning, my arms held you. My heart has always been yours. Now that I’m here, I swear you’ll be protected for the rest of your life.”

His words were clear and strong even though his face was buried in my shirt. My face scrunched up as I felt something leak through my shirt and touch my stomach. I gasped again when I realized they were his tears. As if on instinct, my arms raised and my hands found themselves tangled in Lukas’ hair. I heard him sniff and his face pulled back slightly so his tear filled eyes could lock with mine.

“I hope you can forgive me for not being there sooner to protect you and show you how loved you were and still are. But, I’m so proud of you for being so strong and living through all of that.” He spoke in a broken voice.

My legs wobbled and my knees gave out. I crashed to the floor in front of him and allowed him to fold me into his chest, his arms circling around my body and keeping me together.

“There’s nothing to forgive.” My voice was muffled against his shirt. He pulled me back just enough so he could hold my face in between his large hands,

“There is. Had I claimed you that night, had I confessed who I was and who you were to me, you never would’ve been alone and….” His voice cracked and he couldn’t say the next part, though I knew what it was.

“We don’t know what would’ve happened. I can’t think like that and neither can you.” I shook my head.

“I should’ve been there, I at least should’ve known you were in the hospital.” His face hardened.

“You didn’t know?” I said, sounding surprised.

I thought about that for a minute. Lukas knew every little bump in the road, everytime I had a bad day, every nightmare, every bad day, everything. So, how didn’t he know about this?

“I never knew you were in the hospital then, no. I didn’t even know that you were injured. It must’ve happened just before Mateo picked out your guard. At the time, he was watching you himself and he couldn’t be there 100% of the time.” Lukas said, his gaze suddenly so far away. He shook his head and his face cleared,

“But, you’re right, it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“You don’t think I’m disgusting?” I said in a voice that wasn’t even there.

Lukas’ eyes went huge and I was pulled tightly against him again.

“I think you’re amazing, brave, beautiful, smart, strong, witty, stubborn, pig headed, frustrating, mind blowing-ly sexy, and about a million other things, but none of those things are disgusting or weak or broken,” He grabbed my chin and pulled my face out of his chest, locking his eyes with mine, “I would never look down on you, never judge you, never pity you. I respect you too much for any of that.”

“Lukas.” I gasped, collapsing into him.

My entire body felt numb, like I was no longer in control of it. His arms were around me again and he kept me steady. I couldn’t wrap my head around what he was saying. It was like a construction zone inside my mind, one by one, the walls were tumbling down. My heart was exposed to him, laid out right in front of him and he handled it like he had never seen one before and never would again.

“Lukas,” I said his name again, this time, to get his attention. Again, his hands were gripping my face, his thumb capturing tears as they ran down my cheeks. I smiled through them, a genuine smile that I knew reached my puffy red eyes,

“I just wanted you to know that I love you.” I said and his face broke out into a grin that would stop hearts, heal souls, and blow minds.

And it was all mine.