FULL NOVELXO Chapter 21
It was ten thirty when Jen stepped onto the sidewalk in front of Savannah’s flower shop. She froze when she spotted the vehicle parked on the curb—not Cash’s Escape, but her brother’s Range Rover.
The sight of Carson through the windshield had her back stiffening. Why was he here? Holly had left with Shelby ten minutes ago, so he couldn’t be here to pick up his wife.
Squaring her jaw, Jen strode over to the car and rapped on the passenger window. When it rolled down, she poked her head in. “Holly went home with Shelby.”
Her tone was slightly cool, but it was the most cordial she could muster. She hadn’t spoken to Carson since their heated argument on Sunday, and she had no desire to argue with him again.
But his unkempt appearance and the ravaged look on his face told her he wasn’t looking for a fight, either. “I’m here for you,” her brother answered.
“Why? Where’s Cash?”
“He’s still at Garrett’s. I skipped out early, though. Cash said he was supposed to pick you up, so I offered to do it.” He leaned over and pulled on the passenger door handle.
Jen stared at the open door, debating whether to haughtily announce she’d take a cab, or suck it up and get in the car. After a beat, she slid into the passenger seat and buckled up. Might as well get this over with.
“Should I be worried about the condition Cash will be in when he gets home?” she inquired sweetly.
Carson had the decency to look ashamed. “I deserve that.” He moved the gearshift and drove away from the curb. “Look, I already apologized to McCoy. I know I was out of line on Sunday.”
“Damn right you were.”
“I’m sorry, Jenny. I’ve been acting like a total asshole the past few weeks.”
“No kidding.”
“The only excuse I can give you is that I’ve been upset about Holly.”
He sounded so incredibly sad that some of Jen’s anger thawed, replaced by a twinge of sympathy. “She’s not doing too well herself.”
The devastation on Carson’s face nearly tore her to pieces. “Did she say anything tonight? About, uh, me?”
“A bit, but I won’t break her confidence.” Jen paused. “Holly said she’s been staying at her sister’s for the past couple of days. Have you two even spoken?”
“A couple of times over the phone. I’ve begged her to come home, but she says she needs time to think. Jesus, Jenny, it scares the hell outta me that my wife has to think about whether or not to come home.” His voice cracked. “What if she doesn’t?”
“Does she have a reason not to?”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means you still haven’t explained why you were holding hands with another woman.” Her gaze bore into him. “Straight up, Carson—are you having an affair?”
His jaw dropped. “Are you kidding me? I’m not having a fucking affair. Like I told Cash earlier tonight, I’m seeing a fucking therapist.”
“What? Are you serious?”
“Yes, I’m serious.” When they neared a red light, Carson hit the brakes and turned to scowl at her. “That woman you saw me with was my therapist. And I wasn’t calling her angel on the phone, her name is Angel.”
Guilt and relief slammed into Jen’s chest. “Shit. I’m sorry I thought the worst of you, but you’ve got to know that sneaking around is never a good idea. Why didn’t you just tell me the truth when I brought it up?”
“Because I was embarrassed,” her brother muttered. He stepped on the gas and steered through the intersection. “Because I didn’t want you to know how bad things with Holly and me had gotten.”
Her heart clenched. “She’ll come home, Carson. She’s just feeling overwhelmed right now and I’m not sure I blame her. You can’t come back after six months and start making demands on her. You need to take time and try to reconnect with your wife.”
“I know that. Now, anyway,” he amended. “Before, I…well, I guess I thought that Hol and me were so rock solid that we didn’t need to work on our relationship. I figured everything would fix itself.”
“Kind of hard to fix anything when you don’t bother listening to what your wife is trying to tell you,” she pointed out.
“Yeah, I figured that out too.” Smiling, he tilted his head. “When did you get so wise about love and relationships?”
“It just comes naturally, I guess. And you know what? I’m going to do more than dispense wisdom. I’m going to help you get your wife back.”
“And how will you do that? I’ve been trying for months. Holly doesn’t believe me when I tell her how much I love her.”
“That’s your problem, you’re telling, not showing.” Jen rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry, big brother, I know exactly what to do. First thing, you need to—”
“I’ve been a really crappy brother, haven’t I?”
She blinked. “Where did that come from?”
“It’s true, isn’t it?”
“Not entirely true. You have your asshole moments, but you’ve always been my biggest protector.”
“Yes, but I also don’t take you seriously.” Shamefaced, he shifted his gaze to her before moving it back to the road. “You’re my little sister, and when I look at you, I see the pesky brat who used to eavesdrop on my phone calls and hide under my bed when I had girls over.”
“That was a long time ago,” she said with a laugh.
“Exactly. But I didn’t get the memo. You grew up and became a strong, intelligent woman capable of making her own decisions, but I haven’t even noticed because I’m too busy viewing you as a kid. And now you’re sitting here and giving me advice after I interfered in your life and annoyed the shit outta you for the last month. You’re too damn nice, you know that?”
She sighed. “Yeah, I know.”
They neared Cash’s building, and Carson turned into the small parking lot. “So…uh…about Cash.”
Annoyance rippled through her. “You’re not going to lecture me for getting involved with him, are you? Because we just established that I’m a strong, intelligent woman capable of making my own decisions.”
“No lecture. And like I said, Cash and I straightened it out. What I wanted to ask was…uh…okay, fuck, I’m just gonna come out with it—are you planning on dumping him?”
Jen’s mouth fell open. “Why would you think that?”
“Because of the whole military thing.” Carson absently ran his hands over the steering wheel, his expression growing soft. “I think you were about twelve the first time you told me you hated Dad.”
“I never hated Dad,” she protested. “You know I wasn’t serious.”
“No, but you were serious when you said he felt like a stranger to you.” He shrugged. “No judgment. The admiral felt like a stranger to me too when I was growing up. Anyway, that time when you were twelve, I came home from college for the holidays, and Dad had shipped out that year, remember?”
“I remember,” she said flatly.
“Mom was depressed. I remember she spent Christmas Eve crying in her bedroom. And you and me were downstairs, pigging out on those cookies Grandma brought over, and you turned to me and said that you never, ever wanted to have the kind of marriage Mom and Dad had. I’m pretty sure you gave an hour-long speech about how your husband would be home every day, and especially on Christmas Eve.”
“I hated seeing Mom so sad,” she confessed.
“Me too, but I think it affected you more than it did me, huh?” He reached across the seat and ruffled her hair. “I get why you don’t want the military life. It’s tough, really fucking tough—I mean, look at me and Holly and the rough patch we’re going through.” He hesitated. “Cash loves you, you know.”
Her throat tightened.
“And I think he’s good for you,” Carson went on. “I was too caught up in big-brother mode to see it—mainly because the thought of any dude touching you makes me furious. But now that I’ve calmed down, I can see how well you and McCoy fit. He’s intense, you’re, uh, kind of flighty and weird—”
“Gee, thanks.”
“He’s not big on talking, you’re a blabbermouth. You suit each other.” Carson’s voice softened. “I think you should give him a chance. Keep an open mind to the whole military thing, because you know what? You’ve found a man who loves you, a man who’ll face his superior officer’s wrath to be with you, and you’re honestly going to throw that away?”
A ring of pleasure circled her heart. Her brother was right. Cash really had gone above and beyond in proving that he’d be there for her, and although he hadn’t said those three little words out loud, Jen knew he cared about her. She knew he wanted more than a fling.
“Don’t worry, I’m not throwing anything away.”
“Good,” he said as he clicked a button to unlock the doors. “Come on, I’ll walk you up.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
Carson flung open his door. “Jen, haven’t you learned by now that you can’t argue with me when I’m in my brotherly protective mode?”
Her jaw dropped. “Did you just call me Jen?”
“That’s your name, isn’t it?”
A smile tugged at her lips. “Yes. Yes, it is.”
Jen was lying on the couch when Cash strode into the apartment. Instantly, his spirits soared, and his heart beat a little faster when she greeted him with a big, beautiful smile.
Shit, he was a total goner for this woman.
“So what can I expect?” he asked as he kicked off his boots. “A striptease, or holding your hair while you barf?”
“Huh?”
Chuckling, he sat at the other end of the couch and lifted her socked feet into his lap. “According to the grapevine, those are the two outcomes of girls’ night. You ladies either get drunk enough to strip or puke.”
“Sorry to disappoint, but you’re getting neither. I only had one drink.”
Jen slid closer and leaned her head on his shoulder. Smiling, he slung an arm around her and nuzzled her neck. It felt so natural that his chest grew hot and tight.
“By the way, I’m sorry for springing Carson on you like that,” he told her. “He insisted on picking you up and ordered me not to call you and warn you.”
“Don’t worry, it’s fine.”
“Did you two talk?”
She nodded. “We worked everything out. And he told me about the woman we saw him with, the therapist.”
Cash shot her a smug smile. “Told you there was an explanation.”
“Fine. You were right. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
“Yup.”
“Well, I’m glad you were right.” She exhaled softly. “I just want Carson and Holly to be happy.”
“Me too. And I also want…” He trailed off, his confidence wavering.
Just do it already. Tell her you love her.
“Cash? You okay?”
Her worried expression made him smile. “I’m fine,” he said gruffly. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Cash—”
“No, just listen for a minute.” He shifted so they were facing each other. “I know we agreed that the fling would have an end date, but…I don’t want it to end.”
Surprise washed over her face. Surprise, not horror or regret, which was always a good sign. The receptive look in her eyes spurred him to go on.
“I know how you feel about the military life, but I don’t think you want this to end either.” He reached for her hand, a little embarrassed to discover his fingers were trembling. “We’re good together, and it’s not just the sex. I’ve never been able to talk to a woman the way I can talk to you. I love talking to you, actually. I love your sense of humor, I love how big your heart is. I love everything about you.” He let out a curse. “Ah, fuck, I’m just going to say it, okay? I love you.”
She stared at him with wide eyes.
“I love you, Jen,” he repeated. “This isn’t a fling for me anymore. It’s so much more.”
As his speech came to a close, Cash studied her and waited for a response. A word. A smile. A squeeze of the hand. Anything would have sufficed, but the longer her silence dragged on, the unhappier he grew.
He’d only ever said those three words to one other girl. Brooke Pollack, who he’d dated in high school. And unlike Jen, Brooke had actually returned the sentiment.
A knot of pain twisted his insides. Fuck, he was such an idiot. He’d really believed they could have more than a fling, but clearly he’d been wrong. Jen wasn’t even looking at him, and she kept gnawing on her bottom lip the way she always did when she was upset.
“I get it,” he muttered, dropping her hand. “That’s not what you wanted to hear.” He started to get up. “I’m sorry if—”
“I love you too.”
His butt landed back on the couch cushions. “You do?”
Her blue eyes glimmered with certainty. “I love you, and I want to be with you too. I want to give this a shot. I don’t care if it’s full-time or part-time or even if I only see you one day every other month—I’ll take you any way I can get you.”
Cash gawked at her. He hadn’t been entirely sure what to expect from this heart-to-heart. Rejection had topped the expectation list. Maybe some resistance.
But a straight-up I love you too? Nope, hadn’t seen that coming.
Why the hell are you sitting here analyzing when you should be kissing the girl?
Good fucking point.
Snapping out of it, he thrust a hand in Jen’s silky hair and yanked her mouth to his, swallowing her startled squeak with his kiss. Long, deep, and passionate.When their mouths broke free, the look of joy on Jen’s face nearly had him doing a happy little fist pump.
But then her eyes narrowed. “I know what you did, by the way.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Going behind my back and giving Jane my pictures?” she prompted.
Guilt slithered up his throat and formed a big lump. “Jane told you? She promised—”
“Don’t be mad at her. It just sorta slipped out, and I’m actually really glad she said something.” Jen smiled. “Don’t worry, I’m not angry at you. I know you were only trying to help. And thanks to you, I have a shot at a freelance position with a great magazine.” Her voice wobbled. “You believed in me, Cash. Nobody’s ever believed in me before.”
“You have a shot because of you. I might have given Jane the photos, but you were the one who took them. You deserve this.” He had to laugh. “But please, can I be there when you tell your mom and the admiral that your waste-of-time hobby has officially become your career?”
“Wait, you’re volunteering to be in the admiral’s company again? Wow, you must really love me.”
“I must really love you,” he agreed, smiling. “I’d do anything for you. You know that, right?”
“I know.” She swept her fingers over his jaw, her touch making him shiver. “And I’d do anything for you, cowboy, even throw my dating rulebook out the window to be with you.”
He searched her face. “Are you sure about this? Can you really handle the whole military thing?”
For a second, uncertainty flickered in her eyes, but then it faded into a gleam of sincerity. “I have to believe we can do it. I know we’ll have to work hard on this relationship, and I can’t promise that I won’t be a bundle of nerves every time you go away, but—”
His cell phone chimed.
“Perfect timing,” he said wryly. He pulled his phone from his pocket and glanced at the screen. Son of a bitch.
Next to him, Jen stiffened. “You need to answer it?”
“Yeah,” he said grimly.
Rising from the couch, he took the call and listened to Becker’s brusque orders, while Jen stayed seated and watched him unhappily.
After he hung up, he couldn’t control the frustrated breath that escaped his mouth. “I have to report to the base.”
The corners of her mouth strained.
Cash waited for it. The big one-eighty. The moment when she said, Fuck, I can’t do this, after all. I can’t wait around for you.
But the rebuff didn’t come. Instead, Jen staggered to her feet and approached him. “It’s okay,” she said, resting her cheek against his collarbone. “I can do this, Cash.”
He cradled the back of her head and tipped it so he could study her expression. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. Now, go.” She swallowed. “Call me if you can, and if you can’t, that’s okay. I’ll be waiting right here when you come home.”
Cash’s chest clenched. “You promise?”
“I promise, cowboy.”