The Many Faces of Tully

It has been six days since I did all of the tests. I’m taking another test today with Nash. Jace and Calchas are standing outside the window, watching us. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to hurt Nash. I know he’s indestructible and all, but I knocked him out last time. What if I weakened him and I end up killing him this time?

We are sitting on the floor, staring at each other awkwardly. I like Nash. Whenever I’m not studying everyone’s power with Jace, I am hanging out with Nash. He is a very easy going person and he makes me laugh a lot.

He is confident in everything he does and is never ashamed. I watched the video of him being hit with a rocket and he didn’t even seem deterred at the fact that he was buck naked. Then again, it was all guys back then. I sort of ruined the party. They all probably walked around in their boxers when I wasn’t here or something, doing crazy stupid boy stuff.

“So, Tuls, when are you gonna blow up?” Nash asks me.

“As soon as my heart rate is elevated, I’ll do just that for you.” I smile at him.

He smiles back at me. “What normally gets your heart going?” He wiggles his eyebrows at me seductively, but jokingly.

The smile slides off my face as I remember the first time I exploded. It seems as though Jace is reading my mind because his voice comes over the speaker.

“Last time we got her to do it was by talking about it. Try that,” he says. He’s studying the both of us closely.

“Well, all right. Tell me about it Tuls,” he smiles at me.

“You already know what happens. You saw the video. I explained it then.” I frown. I don’t want to do this at all.

“Ask her something specific, Nash. Maybe that will help,” Jace says. He’s in full scientist mode. He gets like this often and doesn’t seem to care if his questions or answers caused pain or if they are inappropriate. His brain is only thinking information, facts, questions, and how to get answers.

“Okie-doke. Tell me about the first time it happened. What were you doing then that made your heart rate go up? Were you doing, you know, it?” he says suggestively. He’s sixteen, of course it’s on his mind all the time, I think to myself. The thought hurts. Jack and I were sixteen.

“Actually, yeah, I almost was,” I say. The smile slides off his face.

“Seriously?” he says to me with wide eyes. I nod.

“We were, uh, kissing, passionately, and then I realized I wasn’t ready for it, so I pushed him onto the floor accidently. He started yelling at me but my ears were ringing too loudly already, so I didn’t hear what he said,” I say.

“How old were you?”

“I had just turned sixteen the month before.” I touch the shark tooth absentmindedly.

“How about the next time?” he questions me.

“I was seventeen. I got in a fight with my boyfriend. I got really angry and literally exploded.” I reach up and touch the earring in my ear.

“Was everyone you killed a boyfriend of yours? Are you some kind of siren succubus or something? If so, then this,” he gestures between us, “isn’t going to work out, babe.”

I laugh at him. “No, the last ten people I killed were women.” I’m glad he didn’t ask about the third time. I touch his watch. I still can’t talk about it. “And it wouldn’t work out anyways because I’m six years older than you.”

“Just because they were women doesn’t mean you weren’t dating them.” He raises an eyebrow at me. “Lesbian?” he asks me. I open my mouth to deny it but Jace’s voice carries over the speakers.

“It would make her bisexual. Now stop flirting. You’re supposed to be getting her heart rate up, not seducing her.”

“I don’t date women,” I say to clarify things.

“Darn. Oh well, so far I’m the only man who can handle you. I think you’re going to have to be with me. Oh, and Jace, apparently seducing her does make her heart speed up.” He looks over at him, smirking.

“Man?” I ask him. “You’re still a child!” I tease him.

He’s about to retort, but Jace’s voice cuts through the speakers again. “Will you two please stop messing around? It’s not like I have all day to just sit here and watch you two be goofs,” he scolds us. We both smile. He’s always yelling at us.

“All right, fine,” Nash says. “Tully,” he says in a mock serious tone. “Were any of these explosions worse than the others?”

Of course one was. I think to myself. I twist the watch around my wrist nervously. I can’t talk about that one. I can hardly think his name. I can’t tell anyone. That was the worst. I am most ashamed by that one. That one is what truly makes me a monster.

He’s still waiting for an answer. I shake my head, and twist the watch. My heart rate is going up. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to explode thinking about him. Why do they want to know this?

“You’re lying,” I hear Jace say over the speaker.

I take a shuddering breath. “No, I’m not,” I try to lie. I twist the watch around even faster.

“Then why is your heart rate elevated?” he asks me. I shrug. I’m trying to slow my heart. I might be able to if Jace stops asking me questions. But he doesn’t.

“Which one was it Tully? The first one? What was his name? Jake?” He’s trying to provoke me. I can’t let him do that. I can’t let him find out.

“Jack,” I correct him with a huff. I’m starting to pant.

“How about the second guy?” he fires at me.

I shake my head. “Just a guy I was seeing,” I say, the air tightens in my chest. My heart is hammering. He’s going to ask about the third one. My ears start ringing. I shake my head and hug my chest. Everything is crashing in on me again.

“Get ready Nash,” I faintly hear Jace say. I change my position so I’m on my knees. I’m gasping for air and my eyes are blurry from tears. Why are they making me do this because of him again? The first time was bad enough. Why are they torturing me?

Everything goes silent. I put my face in my hands and hold my breath. I’m not going to explode because of him again. They can’t make me. I don’t want to. I failed him the first time, I’m not going to fail him the second time.

My lungs burn. I try to find my heart. Why isn’t it beating? Does it stop beating because it knows someone else’s is about to stop permanently soon? What if I build up the pure energy force by holding my breath? The thought makes me blow my air out in a huff.

I hear Nash’s body slam against the wall and slump to the floor. I don’t look at him. My body feels different, but I don’t look at my face. Instead, I sob into my hands. What if I made his death worse by holding my breath for so long? Why did they make me do this?

I hear the door hiss open.

“Holy cow!” Nash shouts. Apparently I didn’t knock him unconscious this time. That’s good. I continue to sob.

“Are you okay Nash?” Jace asks him.

“Never better. That was so cool!” He sounds excited.

“Tully?” Jace asks me. I ignore him and continue to grieve. I’m such a horrible person. I hate myself, and my powers. Why do I have these powers? I don’t want them. Whoever gave them to me can take them back. Or if I was given them for a reason, then they better tell me why. Something. I hate being this uncontrollable murderer.

“Tully, are you okay?” Jace’s voice is right next to me. He touches my shoulders. I shudder away from him.

“You’re going to tell us no matter what Tully. I see you doing it, so might as well get it over with,” Calchas says.

“Fine.” I sniffle angrily. I stand up. I immediately notice that I’m almost a half foot taller. “No, I’m not okay. I hate this. I don’t like doing this at all! I’m tired of not being able to control my powers and soon enough I am going to seriously hurt someone and probably kill them. I don’t like feeling out of control and you guys are forcing me to do it. How about you try killing a dozen people from your freak powers and then have a bunch of people treat you like a guinea pig instead of a human being with feelings!” I scream at them. I turn and walk to my room. They let me go.