The Cheat Sheet: A Novel

I’m almost to Bree’s sister’s house and I’m two hours late. After practice, I was already set to be an hour late, but then I sat on I-605 in traffic for another hour. I’m exhausted. Frazzled. And really wanting to bump the minivan in front of me to get it to go faster even though I think the stick family wearing mouse ears on the back windshield is supposed to deter me. It doesn’t.

Probably should have had my car service bring me, but…I don’t know. Sometimes when I’m tired and I think it would be great to take a nap, I feel the need to push myself harder. Plus I hate taking the SUV to personal events. It feels like I’m showing up with a blinking sign that says, LOOK AT ME I’M SPECIAL!

I let go of the steering wheel to rub my chest. It’s tight, and my heart rate is still high from practice. Bree was probably right—I should have gone home tonight. I couldn’t though. Things finally seem to be happening for us, and I want to demonstrate to her that I can be there for her and have a career in the NFL. I don’t want her to feel overlooked or put aside. I know she values family and events like this, so I want to show up for her. Maybe it’s just because I’m feeling deliriously tired, but during that brief kiss on the couch the other day (and definitely the one in the hallway that I’m still thinking about), I could have sworn she wanted it just as much as I did. Wanted me.

My wooing is working, and I can’t believe it. All this idiotic stuff the guys told me to do is freaking working. Bree and I are…I can’t even let myself think about it yet. Until I hear the words “Nathan, I don’t see you as just a friend anymore” come straight from her mouth, I’m not going to be able to accept it.

Finally, around eight PM, I pull into Lily’s driveway. It’s dark, but the lights in the house are illuminating the windows, and occasionally a little shadow darts past. After opening my truck door, I can hear absolute mayhem inside. I smile to myself because growing up as an only child, my house was always quiet. I love this. I want this.

My knocks on the front door go unanswered, so I let myself in. Chaos hits me like a tsunami.

Kids. Are. Everywhere.

So many of them in all different shapes and sizes. They are cackling and screaming, running through the halls with little nerf guns and pelting foam pellets at each other. I’ve met Lily’s boys a few times and Bree has brought their entire family to a few games, so the nephews know me right away. The birthday boy, Levi, sees me first and sprints toward me. I’m braced for impact, but he stops right in front of me and flashes me his toothless smile. “Nathan! Look at my new nerf gun!” He’s pumped, and I act as though I’ve never seen anything greater in my entire life.

I didn’t know what to get him, so I pulled a few strings and had most of the guys on the team sign a football for him. When he pulls it out of the bag, it’s clear I’ve epically failed, but he tries his best to look impressed.

“Oh. A football. Cool! Thanks.” It’s garbage. He hates it. I sort of love it, though, that some grown men would sell their kidney for that ball, and this kid savagely tosses it onto the couch. Old news.

And then they yell, “Quarterback sack!”

I immediately have ten little leeches on me, and I can’t shake them off. Even though I’m not feeling it right now, I decide to just run through the narrow main hallway like a growling bear all the way back to the kitchen, because I know play and fun are how this family does things.

In the kitchen, I find all the adults. Too many adults actually. It’s suddenly clear this is not just a family party, but a massive birthday gathering where the parents were all invited to stay too. Cool, cool, cool. It’s somehow even louder in here, everyone laughing at a higher than normal volume. Chill, Nathan, it’s a party—of course they’re going to laugh loudly.

One guy sitting on a barstool at the counter spots me first. He does a double take. “Uh—is that…Nathan Donelson?” He’s wearing an LA Sharks shirt, so I know this can’t be good. I’m really not in the right frame of mind to deal with fans tonight.

I raise my hand in a small wave and look around the room for Bree. She’s standing by the sink filling a pitcher with water. At the mention of my name, her head of long gorgeous curls swivels in my direction. She’s wearing a yellow cotton dress with a long line of wooden buttons down the front. Bree looks like a literal ray of sunshine, and man is she a sight for sore eyes after this long, grueling week. I want to run my hands down her bare arms and soak up all of her attention. I want to steal her out of here and keep her all to myself.

Our gazes connect, and for one glorious moment, everything else falls away. It’s just me and her here. Her smile splits across her face, and my favorite dimples punctuate her cheeks.

And then I’m punched hard in the stomach by a random kid, and I double over with a curse not suitable for said kid’s ears. There’s more chaos now.

“Nathan! Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. Kids, OFF!” I’m not even sure who said that. Parents are fussing around me, peeling each of their relentless sugar-fueled offspring off of me. It’s a swarm of adults and children all invading my personal space in this narrow portion of the kitchen that connects to the main hallway. Bree is trying to make her way through the crowd, but I’m trapped, and she can’t get to me.

Lily’s head pops into the mix out of nowhere and acts like this scene of pandemonium is completely normal. “Hi, Nathan! It’s good to see you!” She squeezes under my arm to slide her way through the people and into the kitchen.

“Nathan’s here?!” That’s Bree’s mom. I’d know her voice anywhere, but I can’t see her because three dudes are pressing in, reaching over their wives who are corralling the kids. Really? You want a handshake right now, man? Bree is outside of everyone still just trying to make her way through. Someone hands her a baby and she’s trying to hand it back.

Doug comes up behind me and slaps me on the back. “Good to see you, man! Hell of a game last week.”

I’m smiling—I think?—and trying to answer everyone’s congratulations and introductions while a kid is pickpocketing my wallet. (Did I say I want a big family? I changed my mind.)

Everything. Is. Swirling.

I’m aware of my jaw tightening, teeth clenching painfully. I haven’t even made it fully into the kitchen yet. I’m still stuck in this damn hallway, surrounded by people. An urge to wave my arms around frantically and yell GET BACK! nearly overtakes me. I want to throw my elbows side to side until they all scatter. But I can’t—I know I can’t. I have to stand here like I always do and take it all with a winning smile.

I need to focus on the voices, but they’re all slowed down, mixed together—muted. I can’t follow them. I can’t swallow. My heart is racing and I feel like I’ve been plunged in icy water. Where is Bree? I can’t find her.

Why do my limbs feel heavy and numb? There’s a falling sensation, and the fact that I know I’m not really falling only makes my heart pound faster. Something is wrong. I can’t breathe. My chest. My fingers. My breath. What’s happening to me?

I have to…

I can’t…

I just…