The Cheat Sheet: A Novel

Nathan’s hand presses into my side as he takes me with him out of the kitchen, drinks forgotten, weaving us through a crowded dance floor in the living room. The couches have all been moved to the perimeter and so many people are packed into the center, cups in hand and dancing like they belong in an underground club. My first feeling is relief. Dancing! Yes! That sounds great. Nathan saying “In that case” had my mind racing to other outcomes. Outcomes I definitely want but am also a little terrified to embrace. So, let’s dance!

Oh, we’re passing the dance floor now. A woman backs into me, and her sequined dress scratches over my bare arm. Nathan tucks me in closer to his side and steers us toward a hallway. A dark hallway. That’s fine. I’m good. Everything is good.

“Umm, should we be going this way? Looks sort of…dark.” I try to persuade him, but he just quietly grins and keeps moving us toward that forbidden hallway. I don’t know that it’s forbidden, but no one else is in it, so it sure feels forbidden.

This is what I get for talking a big game with Lily! I thought I could lay it on thick, but now I just want to lie down and pass out because I can feel change in the air. I can feel it transmitting from Nathan’s fingertips through the fabric of my dress and seeping into my veins.

We step into the hallway, and I know we’re not coming back out the same people as before. It’s also important to note that Nathan is the only man in the world I would trust to take me down a creepy, dark passage like this—and if that doesn’t say something about his character and the way I feel for him, I don’t know what will.

With every step, I feel more excited, thrilled, and terrified.

“What a lovely hallway. It’s so…dark…and…hallwayish.”

We don’t go to the end of it like I think we will. We don’t open any of the closed bedroom doors. We stop in the middle where the colored lights from the party still reach, and yet it’s private enough to not be watched. I suck in a breath when Nathan abruptly spins me around so my shoulder blades touch the wall. He smiles down at me, still not saying a word, and then really confuses me by taking a step away. Two steps. Three. His back hits the opposite wall, and we look like two kids who got in trouble at school for calling each other names. Definitely not the direction I thought this was going…

Maybe I misread him the other night. Maybe he doesn’t have feelings for me. Maybe—

“I’m giving you ample warning,” he says in a deep tone that crawls up my neck in the most pleasant way. Like someone trailing their finger across your skin to make your hairs stand up. His eyes glitter in the darkness. “I know change scares you, so I’m going to tell you what’s about to happen, make sure you approve first.”

Did anyone else just hear me gulp?

I try to say okay, but nothing comes out. My lips are only moving for show.

“I’m going to take three steps back to you and put my hands on your hips.” His eyes rove over me, and he squints just below my chin. “Maybe your jaw, maybe the back of your neck. We’ll see. And then I’m going to kiss you.”

I. Can’t. Feel. My. Toes.

When my voice finds its way out, it sounds like a croak. “Why?”

His head tilts rakishly, and he smiles but doesn’t answer me.

This is where habit tells me to END IT. The little hall monitor that enforces my self-preservation blows a whistle and says, Stop this right now! But things are changing around here, and I want them to change, so I shove her into a locker. (But then I feel bad about that so I take her back out, thank her for her service, give her a chocolate bar, and tell her to take a vacation to the beach. She deserves it for all her hard work.)

Would I have liked for Nathan to admit his undying love for me and THEN kiss me? Yes. But I’m going to make myself do something new and hope for the best. He’s taken the utmost care of me over the past six years, and deep down, I know I can trust him now.

“Still with me, Bree Cheese?” he asks.

I nod.

Just as promised, Nathan takes one, two, three steps, and now he’s in front of me. I have to tilt my chin back so far to see him that my head rests against the wall. One hand moves forward and rests on my hip. It feels like a match striking a box. I have been forcing all of my attraction for this man away since high school, and now that I can let it out…I’m giggling.

Oh gosh, I’m giggling! No! This is no time to pull a Rachel Green!

Nathan freezes and frowns down at my bubbling laughter. I’m terrified I’m going to sabotage us again, so I clasp a hand over my mouth. At first, he looks uncertain and defeated, but then his frown clears and he smiles.

“Rachel Green?” he asks, because of COURSE he’d know what’s happening to me. We’ve watched the whole F.R.I.E.N.D.S. series together multiple times, so he knows when Ross Geller finally gets with his longtime friend Rachel Green, she can’t help but giggle every time he touches her. And I can’t believe it’s happening to me now. Is this an actual condition?

“I’m sorry,” I say from behind my hand. “I’m ruining this.”

“Ruining what?” he asks savagely, trying to get me to admit there’s a this between us to ruin.

I don’t take the bait. “The facade. Anyone watching right now will be able to see that this is totally foreign for us. The jig will be up.” Total crap. No one can see us right now, and no one at this party gives a flying monkey what we’re doing.

Nathan hums a deep sound and inches closer, taking my other hip in his free hand. He pushes me flush against the wall and drops his head to my neck. His breath grazes my skin and he whispers, “You’ll just have to pretend it’s nothing new.”

I hold my breath as his soft, warm lips press against the side of my neck. Tingles erupt across my skin.

“Pretend I’ve kissed you here a thousand times already.” His hands leave my hips to skate up my sides and land on either side of my jaw. He tilts my head and moves to the other side of my throat. “Pretend I have every inch of you mapped out like the back of my hand.” His hand slides around my back and drops low to just above my rear end. “Pretend I know you have a two-inch birthmark right here.” Reality is colliding with fantasy because I do have a birthmark right there. I’m on the brink of spiraling, remembering he’s seen me naked, but he moves on quickly.

His lips lose contact and he takes a handful of my curls in between his fingers, raising them to his nose to breathe in. “Pretend I was the one who washed your hair with this coconut shampoo before we came here tonight.”

Oh my gosh. I can’t breathe or swallow or think or move or live any longer. My soul has reached nirvana and I’m not coming back. Nathan is overwhelming. He’s powerful and yet oh so gentle. How has it taken me so long to experience this side of him? And if he’s truly pretending, his acting is next level.

“Pretend,” he says in a gravelly tone, quiet enough for only me to hear as he drags his thumb across my lower lip. “I am off my face for you, and all you want right now is for me to kiss you.” He lowers his head so his lips are hovering just a fraction over mine. I’m aching for him. Dying for his mouth to land on mine and BE DONE WITH IT. I close my eyes and part my lips and feel his barely brush against mine as he points out, “You’re not giggling anymore.”

I drag in a deep breath then whisper, “No. I’m not.”

Finally, Nathan’s lips press into mine. It’s the softness of a rose unfurling. It’s velvet brushing over silk. Dipping your toes in a hot bath and languidly inching your body into the water so you don’t get burned.

I’ve dreamed of this kiss for years, but in my imagination, I was never able to accurately conjure the rich, taut texture of his skin, or the strength he’s trembling to restrain behind his powerful hands.

All of the space between us closes as Nathan pulls me in tighter. Our hips meet and I’m in his arms fully now, dragging a deep inhale of him into my lungs. Into my veins. Into my soul. I can’t get enough of him.

Can this really be happening?

Yes, his lips say as they press into mine over and over. Searching. Exploring. Coaxing. My palms slide up over his chest to lock around his neck. While I’m here, I might as well take some liberties. I get my paws in the back of his hair, right at the nape of his neck where it curls deliciously. He makes a quiet groan of appreciation and everything speeds up. It’s a kick drum now with a rising tempo. He parts my lips. I taste him and he tastes me.

It’s no surprise to me that Nathan is completely controlled in his movements. He’s precise and meticulous on the field, and that translates here too. He’s disciplined. But I sense there’s another side to him, one where he lets go and surrenders. I crave that recklessness in him, so I lightly bite his lower lip and tug. A gentle reminder that I’m not as fragile as he thinks.

He responds immediately, hands wrapping fully around my ribs. My feet leave the floor. He hoists me up easily, and I wrap my legs around his waist, holding on for dear life. Him. Nathan. My sweet friend is hungrily devouring my mouth like I am everything he needs in this world and he will take it all.

I press my fingers into his shoulders, relishing the muscles flexing beneath my touch. His body is devastating. Glorious. And it’s attached to his soul so I adore it even more. I cling tighter because our kiss is so intense I’m dizzy. Yearning and desire pulse through both of us until it feels like a tangible current. Years of holding back combust.

“Bree…” Nathan breaks the kiss to whisper reverently against my throat. He kisses it, bites gently, soothes it with another kiss.

Shivers race through my body and I burn everywhere he touches me. How is this reality? How are we here?

I catch his lips again, and my blood hammers through my veins. Now that I’ve tasted his kiss, I’m addicted. I’ll be chasing this sensation for the rest of my life.

We’re plucked out of the hallway and transported into another reality among the stars. Up here, there are no sounds other than our hearts beating and breaths curling between us like tidal waves. Heat and Nathan’s calloused touch are my only guides in the dark, and everything is right, and safe, and as it should be. Our bodies were made for each other—that has to be the answer to how this can be so good.

Suddenly, everything goes dark and startlingly silent, quickly followed by squeals and curses. The power is out.

Nathan’s lips peel off of mine, and it physically hurts to have to say goodbye to them. I think I whimper, and he chuckles pleasantly and kisses my cheek.

“What do you think happened?” I ask him, clutching the front of his shirt in case it was a serial killer who cut the lights and the music and is about to have his way with us.

Nathan lets out a grumpy sigh and slowly lowers me to the ground. Through his teeth, he says, “Seems like the house blew a fuse.”

What terrible timing. It feels like someone tossed us into freezing cold water. Our magical moment is over.

In the next moment, we hear Jamal’s voice boom through the house. Something about it sounds oddly monotone, robotic, and almost…rehearsed. “Oh no. Looks like we blew a fuse! I guess we’ll have to light some candles. Nathan, you around here? Need a candle, buddy?”

Nathan mutters something under his breath, and it sounds oddly like, “Thunder-seeking jackass.”

He’s still holding me. His fingers are still clamped onto me like the prongs of a bear trap. There’s a desperation in his hold that matches the one in my heart. I want to ask him a million and two questions. I want to bombard him with declarations. But my mouth won’t open and reality sinks back in around us.

My soul is shaking.

I know a whole new side of Nathan now, and I don’t ever want to go back to what we were.