Our Overtime: Ice League Book 1 (The Ice League Series)

When I first saw her in the kitchen, I nearly forgot it had been years since we’d been together. She looked almost the exact same. Her hips were maybe a little wider, and she seemed to have leaned out in other places where she’d lost muscle, but her standing there in that old t-shirt made it feel like we were 22 again. Canyon had said she didn’t know I was coming, so she didn’t have any time to prepare. But I always loved her like this. Right out of bed, with barely any makeup on so you could see her freckles. She made messy look sexy. And that t-shirt… It was from a country concert that we went to together. I bet she didn’t even remember where she’d gotten it. But it made me feel lighter knowing that she still had remnants of our past. I carried one on my face, it only seemed right.

Another thing that nagged me as soon as I saw her: I knew what was under her shirt, and I still wanted it.

When I’d touched her hip, it was like a time warp. I had held her hips so often. I felt the rush of an urge to pick her up, have her wrap her legs around me and make out right there on the counter. I imagined it would feel so natural. So right. I wouldn’t be cock blocked with guilt because she was The One. I wanted it so bad. But I had to bring myself back down to this reality.

I wondered if the glass comment had reminded her of how I got the scar she had questioned the other day, but I didn’t see anything register in her face. How could she not remember? The fact that she didn’t was so fucking painful.

That was a different life ago though. Canyon was a reminder of that. We would have to navigate this new life- the one where she’d married someone else. I felt myself clenching my jaw and forced myself to breathe deeply every time I thought about it. I knew that I had to accept what I’d lost- that she didn’t want me back then; but for some reason I couldn’t shove it behind me.

I tried to push all my negative thoughts away so I could enjoy having breakfast with her and Canyon.

When she didn’t sit down right away to eat with us and appeared to be skipping breakfast, I was tempted to say I wasn’t leaving the table until she did eat… something I’d had to do in our past because of her figure skating. If that were the case, then I knew she needed someone. Someone to be watching over her. Someone who really knew her and loved her. I did calm when Canyon said they stuffed themselves every weekend though.

I could be angry with her all day, but at the end of any day, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to be the someone that she needed or wanted. And that made me so confused. I was so hurt by her but so damn addicted to her even after all these years.

Sitting there, having pancakes with Jules and Canyon, felt right.

I knew now more than ever before that I needed to know what happened all those years ago. Because that’s where I was stuck.

Because this should have been all of ours.

Canyon and I sat in the grass next to the driveway putting our rollerblades on.

We were going to run some drills out in their cul-de-sac, she really did have a great place in the neighborhood for street games. Hopefully with a little work I could have Canyon actually hitting the net after his breakaways.

I was wrong about him being quiet though, he was quite the chatterbox. Seemed that once he accepted me, he did not shut up.

I decided to try to steer his conversation a bit to something that had been bugging me.

“So, who’s Tammy?” I asked him, thinking she was a babysitter or something.

“That’s um…” he grimaced and I felt bad then for changing to a topic he didn’t want to discuss.

“I’m sorry, never-” I started.

“My dad’s, um, friend?” He asked more than said.

I closed my eyes and had to take a deep breath. I should have known. That guy oozed the title piece of shit.

“Mom’s not upset about it,” Canyon said quickly. I looked down at him and he looked a little nervous, like he knew she wouldn’t want him talking about this. He glanced back at the house. “I don’t think they loved each other. They never said it, ya know? They only say I love you to me. I don’t want them to live together ever again,” he said as firmly as he could.

I had to steady my breathing. Their home life must have been worse than what I was thinking – when even an eight-year-old wanted him away from her. I was about a second from losing my mind and wandering back into the house to ask her what the hell she did in choosing him over me. Why would she have taken such a risk with her life when I could have given her so much more? I didn’t want to do it in front of her kid though. I wished like hell I still had hockey as a outlet because I felt the hum of angry energy overtaking my body. I wanted to pummel the guy.

I tried a quick deep breathing exercise that one of my old team’s shrinks told me to practice.

When I finished and looked back up, Canyon was already on his feet rolling away, and he yelled back at me, “C’mon Coach!”

As upset as I was with the situation, I also knew I only had control over the now.

After a couple of hours of playing around outside we were drenched in sweat and ready for a break. It was September, but definitely an Indian summer this year- around noon it had to have been about eighty degrees. Playing street hockey with him made me feel like a kid again; like I was completely carefree and weightless, and my only goal was to have fun.

Jules walked out a little bit ago and put two Gatorades and protein bars near our stuff in her front yard and watched us for a couple of minutes.

She looked so casually beautiful, standing there barefoot on her lawn watching her kid with a genuine smile on her face.

It was funny, her presence still made me want to show off. I took a break from teaching for a minute and fooled around, making some quick dekes around the kid and easily shoved one in the net.

I looked back at the house to see her shaking her head with a smile on her face.

Canyon and I were silent as we plopped down to drink and eat our snacks.

“What happened to your face?” Canyon asked me after taking a large bite of his bar.

I laughed mid-swig and almost choked, “what do you mean, kid? That comes off a bit mean,” I pointed out before taking a swig of Gatorade.

He made a funny face then and pointed on his face to his eyebrow, and lip, and then cheek- the places I had noticeable scars.

“Well, bud,” I laughed again, “I do not scar well. Some people heal up real good, my skin just doesn’t.”

I pointed to my lip, “this was a stick to the face when I was goofing off with coach Smitty when we were kids. I thought your mom was gonna deck him when she saw what he did to me.”

“What?!” Canyon thought that was tremendously funny.

“Yeahhh… she actually bandaged this up. I probably should’ve gone to the hospital; it might’ve healed better.” I laughed at the memory of her freaking out at me and wanting so badly to take me in. I hated hospitals though.

I pointed to my eyebrow then, “This happened in college hockey- your mom actually saw that one too,” I stopped myself then, wondering what kind of relationship Canyon thought his mom and I had in the past. This kind of relationship where she’d kiss me through any kind of gross stitches and not care. His curious frown told me he didn’t know much about us. I wasn’t sure what I should say exactly about the next scar.

“And this,” I felt the gash that ran under my cheek bone. It was half covered by scruff, I kept it that way on purpose. “This happened right after college, not from hockey. I was in a car accident,” I grimaced thinking about it.

“Ohh,” Canyon said gravely, “my mom knows about those, she was in a bad one too once. Before me.”

“She told you about it?” I asked him too quickly, wondering how much he knew- if he knew we’d been together. And that I had been the one driving.

“A little,” he said, squinting against the sun. “She doesn’t remember any of it though. She said it had to have been real bad because she got knocked out for a while and she said she gets a real bad feeling when she thinks about it.”

The kid might as well have dropped a bomb on me. I looked at him in shock.

“Did yours knock you out too?”

I nodded dumbly. That’s why she asked me about the scar. She didn’t forget it because it was unimportant- she really didn’t know what happened. To me. To us. The thought crossed my mind that maybe she could’ve lied to Canyon about it… but she really didn’t seem like the type of mom to lie to her kid. I needed to talk to her. I couldn’t wait anymore; I needed to do it today.

I found her in the kitchen working at her laptop. I walked right up to her. Standing in front of her, I looked down at her. She jumped slightly, and I felt bad for scaring her. It was still amazing to me that we were here, finally facing each other again. She shifted uncomfortably.

“Uh, where’s Canyon?”

“He’s up in his room, I asked him to give us a minute.” I reached and pulled her hand to my face. It burned on the scar. She seemed to shrink back a little, but I wouldn’t let her remove her hand from mine. Nerves coursed through me making me feel unsteady.

“This scar, you really don’t remember what happened?”

“Should I?” Her voice cracked. “Life went on, I get it. Stuff happened to both of us after, Grey. Let’s forget it,” She pulled her hand from mine and looked unsettled.

“No, you don’t get it. This wasn’t after us. You were there,” I urged.

“No…I wasn’t.” She eyed me like I was insane. “I would’ve remembered that.”

“Jules. It was from a car accident. Driving back from Brecklin. You helped me pack all day and we were so tired! We were going to live together in Texas, you don’t remember?” I pleaded. “You were in an accident too, Canyon told me you remember that. Your accident was right at that time, wasn’t it? That summer. Please, think back.”

“I… no… I was in an accident, but….” she looked at me in confusion and hurt. “You weren’t there Grey.”

I felt like I’d been slapped in the face.

“I remember waking up in the hospital alone and scared,” she continued shakily, not making eye contact with me. “Not even my grandparents were there, I figured you’d come soon, but you never did. I had no one, and I was scared and I…” She looked at me then, seemingly gaining confidence to raise her voice at me. “I needed you, Grey. And then, when I got my phone back…” her face clouded over. She stood up, pushed past me.

My frustration mounted new levels at that point; never in my life had I felt so helpless. I needed her to understand but it was like we were speaking two different languages at this point. I felt tears sting my eyes, probably the first real tears since I’d lost her all those years ago.

“That hurts me more than I can even say,” I struggled out. I was gripping the kitchen counter so hard my knuckles were white. Thinking of her alone in a hospital, not knowing what happened and missing me. And I was right there. I hadn’t tried hard enough.

“I was there,” I clenched my jaw and shut my eyes, “I was outside that hospital dry heaving on the grass and crying because your grandfather had me banned from the hospital. I was there every day, Jules. Until you left. Then you were completely gone,” I paused, not knowing if I should continue. “You know why I can’t play anymore?”

She was silent, but then quietly said, “Concussions, right?”

“You saw my first bad one in high school… My second was that accident. And I didn’t really take care of myself after that like I should have. It was my own fault. And your granddads. I would have been lying by your side resting the whole time instead of drinking and fighting anyone who came near me and trying like hell to do anything to feel even a little okay. I just wanted to be by your side. You have to know that,” I pleaded. “Think back to us, why wouldn’t I have wanted to be there? I loved you so damn much.”

She backed up against the white pantry wall and scrunched her eyes shut.

“Grey- I just don’t-”

I moved to stand across from her then, now too scared to touch her. I waited for her to finish just like I had when we were younger.

“I- I woke up alone. When I got my phone back it had those texts from you.”

“Begging to come see you? Yeah, I know, I must’ve left about a hundred. Probably blubbering and crying-”

“No,” She said coldly and looked at me squarely with a strange expression, “you broke up with me. You even told me ‘You need to stop. This is over.’ Like all those years was nothing. Like I was a child acting up. You know how bad that hurt?”

I opened my mouth, but no words came. It felt like I’d just been punched in the throat.

She seemed to gain power from my silence.

Her face twisted in pain, “I hated you, Grey. I truly hated you. You had no right. No right to take everything from me and say all that you did when everything we had was so empty. I was shattered when you left me. Is that what you wanted to hear? I was content on starting over and forgetting the past, but that’s the truth Grey. I hated you and the fact that you could say you loved me so often but then just forget about me and leave. What was I supposed to think?” She snapped.

I was stunned. I felt like I’d been slashed in the gut.

“I never. Julianna. You have got to believe me. I never in a million years would have sent that to you. I just asked you to move with me! I was in love with you!”

She stared at me blankly. She was done, and I felt helpless, but I couldn’t stop trying.

“I left so many messages your phone was full! I couldn’t leave anymore. I tried like hell to contact you and got nothing back. You just cut me out and left me high and dry. I went to Texas alone ready to murder someone out on the ice because I was so damn depressed.”

She covered her mouth with her hand, still staring blankly in front of her.

I reached for her hand and she flinched. That hurt.

“Babe-” I cut myself off. It felt so natural to call her that, it just slipped out. “Sorry.” I looked down at her retreating into her thoughts.

“Please, Jules. Ask Paige. She tried like hell to contact you too.”

I started to walk away, but I couldn’t leave her there in the kitchen staring like that.

“Jules, are you okay? I didn’t want-”

Canyon came running down then, and she ran her hands through her hair and gave me a tight-lipped fake smile like the ones she used to give her grandparents. It hurt like hell knowing that she felt the need to put up a front and be fake with me. We were never fake with each other before.

We bared our souls to each other.

How had everything gone so horrendously wrong for us?

“Goodbye, Grey,” she told me firmly.

The finality of her statement caused panic to course through me.