Only Human

I slept half the time, and spent the last half of the trip playing uno with the kid in the seat next to me while he gave me his seven-year life story with a slight lisp.

De-boarding the plane was an experience. A group of stick bugs played conga drums, and greeted passengers with decorative shell necklaces to welcome tourists and returning locals. As is the case everywhere I go, I became a favorite, and was presented with a kiss to my cheek, and a shell necklace from three different stick bugs. I had nothing to declare at customs, but let a board-looking young sand-colored tarantula female search my bag. As she searched, she babbled about a festival of fire, and recommended a few places locals go to watch fireworks to avoid the bulk of the tourists on the beaches.

I thanked the girl, slung the strap of my duffle bag over my shoulder, and trodded off to find a taxi. Turns out, mass transit on Planet Pompeii consists of massive shell-back creatures who hold thirty to forty passengers. I craned my neck back to look at the people all huddled with their belongings and children on the back of the shell. It looked crowded.

“Up to go!” A cheerful voice boomed. Behind me, one of the stick bugs lifted me up, and unceremoniously pushed me onto the beetle’s back.

I righted myself, and slid aside as a few of the stick bugs climbed on.

They all chatted with me, and marveled at my being human. I was relieved to hear humans frequented Pompeii around the fireworks festival. They referred to tourists as loudsy-bunch, meaning tourists are loud, and travel in groups, and that’s pretty much it.

Trykah, Sehrah, and Limdo told me about places I should go. Avoid the trap tours, they said. I asked about the Dragoon Pits, and they suggested a tourguide in the city who could get me closer than the crawler-bus (I was riding one now). I couldn’t imagine a whole tour on one of these things.

“I go to school on Versa.” I said as we got closer to the city.

“Wah, schoolin’ you Kate bein’ smarts now, yah?” Trikah, female I think, laughed. “We bein’ not jealous so, but wah Versa planet big.” she made a wide gesture with her arms.

“Yeah, it’s really big. Dangerous, too.” I said, thinking of the field surrounding the red bean farm near campus; occupied by Weaver ants…or used to be.

“Versa bein’ danger like roaches toast butter.” Sehrah snorted. I think he meant he didn’t believe Versa was dangerous.

Then they chatted in their native tongue, which was interesting to listen to, like maracas. “City looks to you Kate!” Limdo pointed ahead of us.

I turned, and my eyes grew wide at the city ahead. It looked like it was made of sand, with one spiraling gold tower in the middle that tapered at the bottom. “Wow.” I breathed. It was a sight to behold. We passed all sorts of people wandering what the stick bugs called the market place; but no scorpions.

“Trykah.” I looked at her (him?). “A friend of mine said the native people of this planet are scorpions.”

The people atop the crawler-bus grew quiet. I think even the crawler tripped, or stumbled because it jerked just after I spoke.

Trykah conversed with her traveling companions then hesitantly turned back to me. “Goin’ to the desert not. To dragoon pits far bein’ through a lot. Stay in loudsy-bunch hotel. Desert goin’ not for schoolin’ girl.”

I considered what she said then quickly replied. “I can go to the fire festival, right?”

They laughed, and nodded, the mood growing excited again. Though the bulk of the tension had passed, Limdo cast me a glance that spoke volumes, and warned me not to go out into the desert. The crawler-bus could only go so far into the city before the marketplace corridors grew too narrow for it to go any farther. I de-boarded with the tourists, and bid farewell to my stick-bug friends as they went off in search of good eats. Before leaving, Trykah did suggest I trade food for water, though tourism booths often set up for the money, on a desert planet, water was more valuable than any metal or paper concocted as way of payment.

I had to push through the throng of people, and was glad I had double-locked the zippers on my dufflebag together. I felt a few tugs as I ventured toward my hotel, but nothing un-zipping-like.

“Delicious food human taste!” Called a cockroach lounging under a canopy. In front of him looked like small grilled fish, but closer inspection showed them to be slugs of some kind, but it smelled like barbequed chicken. “You drooly, loudsy buncher. You try my taste human food!”

I frowned. I was a lot of things, a loudsy buncher was NOT one of them. I weaved over to the cockroach, and balled my hands on my waist. “First of all, I am not a loudsy buncher! My name is Kate. I’m from Versa.”

“Oh no way!” He sat up, his accent changing. “My cousin goes to that school!” He laughed.

I started. “Your accent.”

He laughed. “Nah kiddin’ accent get is.” He snorted, and shook his head. “It’s for the tourism. I’m Hook.” He held out his lower right hand, though I noticed three others connected to his torso. The upper two kept the slugs cooking, and the lower left sprinkled some kind of seasoning on them.

“I’m sure you are.” I said, shaking his hand.

He sat back as the slugs simmered deliciously. “I didn’t know humans are allowed to go to Versa.” He shrugged. “So how many are in your class?”

“Pardon?” I asked.

“Your class. It’s some special human thing, right?” Hook eyed a passerby, but gave up, and looked at me with a smile.

I had to remind myself I was alright, but then I started to rethink my coming on vacation by myself.

“Hey.” He stood up, and reached out a hand.

“What?” I snapped out of my memory to see his two left hands near my face. I dodged them to the right. “So, how much for your...slug?”

He considered me for a moment then sat back down. “For tourists, 50 quid.”

I sputtered.

“But since you’re a nice girl, and not walkin’ ‘round in a flowery shirt, or sweat-stained tank-top, smellin’ like chips and salsa, ten quid, and a bottle of water.”

I shrugged. “Fair enough.” I dug out an unopened 16 ounce bottle of water, and ten quid. “Here.” I held out a roll of silvery coins. “Sorry, all I’ve got are coins. Paper money was outlawed on Versa. Too many treefolk complained.”

Hook nodded as he took the money and water with his right hands. “Too true. That was a bad business, paper money. Completely useless. Hey, nice weight to these.” Then he dropped both the roll of coins, and the bottle of water into a basket, and stopped me before I touched a yellow slug that made me think of banana pudding. “No!” He exclaimed. The music and chatter continued in the square, though a few people turned, and looked, but didn’t care enough to keep watching us.

Hook looked around then slowly took his two right hands from around my arm. “What?” I let out a breath I’d been holding. “I paid you, I get food.”

He leaned close with a grimace. “Not that one.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Why not? I like yellow.”

“It causes digestion problems. big digestion problems.” Hook tightened his lips to keep from snickering, if the way he snorted a bit was any indication.

“You little creep.” I whispered harshly.

“Shh. Not all of them are bad, but I get the occasional customer who pisses me off, and I sell them the yellow one just to serve them right.” He turned to a fryer behind him, and gathered what looked like a large piece of newspaper, and dropped a fry-basket full of purple discs into it. “These are good.” He plopped a black slug on top of the purple bits.

I frowned. “Are you sure?” I started to plug my nose then realized the slug smelled really good. “Oh wow.” I leaned forward. Sure enough, it was the slug. “Smells great, hope it tastes great.”

“Have a bite, and let me know.” Hook waved to a passerby, and shouted in a language similar to the stickbugs, except it sounded more like clicks and chirps.

With no utensils, I picked off the front chunk of the slug, and popped it without thinking into my mouth. “Hot hot hot hot!” I waved my hand at my mouth. I chewed quickly, and sighed. “Mmmm.”

Hook laughed. “Oh yeah, they cook in the sun. Hot stuff.” He sat back down. “So, you like?”

I nodded. “Chewy though.” I said as my mouth continued to work.

“Yeah,” He chuckled. “After a while, you just gotta swallow.”

And so I did. “So, what’re these big purple things?”

“Taro root. It grows wild, and goes good with anything.” He grinned.

“Not a digestive thing, is it?” I raised an eyebrow.

“It’s a vegetable.” He shrugged. “Too much of anything, y’know?”

I nodded. “Right. Well, Hook, it was nice meeting you. Thanks for the slug, and the taro chips.”

“Sure thing, Versa-girl. Hey, if you need anything in this city, just come to me, I’ll find you what you’re lookin’ for.” Hook winked.

“Actually,” I said around a bite of taro. It was sweet, like eating vanilla cookies, but a slight bite to it, like ginger. “I got a name from some stick bugs, a tour guide I think. They called him, um,” I searched my brain for the name. “Tekoro?”

Hook gave me an odd sort of worried wide-eyed look. “Er…they told you to go with him?” His expression turned confused. “Really?”

“Yeah, why?” I shrugged. “Is he bad news?”

Hook shrugged. “Wah, not really. I mean, anyway – He’s not around anymore, but I know this planet back and forth. I’ll take you wherever you wanna go. And the best part is I don’t do group tours,” he winked. “So it’s just you and me, Versa-girl. I’d be happy to take you.”

I nodded tentatively. I’m sure you would, I thought. “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.” With that, I waved, and was on my way pushing through the crowd once again. I had the good mind to wrap up the slug and chips in the newspaper so as not to drop them all over the tourists who haphazardly jostled me back and forth.

After fifteen or twenty minutes, I started to feel dizzy, and found a shady corner to huddle on. I ate some chips, and slug, and drank lots of water. halfway through the slug, I set it in my lap, and took out the map I printed out from the internet.

“Nope.” I muttered, looking this way and that. “I am most certainly not anywhere near there.” I looked up, and could see the tower still a ways off.

“Are you lost, lady?” A little voice asked.

I looked up, and saw a child’s face amidst a dark hooded cloak. “Huh?” I asked stupidly.