No Tomorrow: An Angsty Love Story

“Come on, Lyric. We’re going to get lunch.” I reach out to her, but she doesn’t take my hand. She’s way too engrossed with an orange and black caterpillar that’s creeping along the edge of the sidewalk. “I’m sure Mr. Caterpillar has somewhere to be, too.” She stares up at me, her big blue eyes full of curiosity and… contemplation. Always thinking, debating, and wondering, this little one.

I wave my outstretched fingers. “Come on, sweetie. You can have a smoothie when we get there.”

“Storeberry?”

“Yes, strawberry.”

Bribery is usually my last tactic to motivate her, but my stomach is growling and I have a pile of work waiting for me at home that I need to review for a meeting scheduled on Monday. Lyric hums happily to herself for the remainder of the walk from the parking lot to the café. A breeze blows our hair across our faces and I breathe in the warm air, welcoming the first signs of spring. I enjoy all the seasons, but I’ve had enough of winter. I can only handle so much snow, sweater-weather, and slush.

The bell hanging on the café door chimes as we enter and I wave to Robbie, who’s worked here for as long as I can remember.

“How are you two doing today?” he asks.

“We’re good. Busy today?” Almost all the tables are occupied this afternoon.

“Yeah. The nice weather brings everyone out. You having the usual?”

“Yes, please.”

He leans over the counter and smiles at Lyric. “Strawberry or orange today?”

Gripping my hand tighter, she leans against my leg and answers him with a shy smile “Storeberry.”

He winks at her. “That’s my favorite, too.”

We step to the side to wait while he makes our lunch, and I bump into someone with his nose in a magazine.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t see you,” I say, maneuvering around him to wait near the candy display.

“Piper?”

I pull the candy bar out of Lyric’s hand and put it back before looking up into a vaguely familiar handsome face.

It takes a few seconds for my mouth to move. “Josh. Hi… I didn’t even recognize you.”

How is it possible for someone to change so much? The last time I saw Josh he was wiry thin, his brown hair trimmed in a military cut, and he wore silver-rimmed glasses that always had fingerprints on the lenses. He was sort of a nerd. A cute one, but still a nerd. Not anymore. He must have taken up working out because his arms and shoulders are double the size they used to be. His hair, longer and lighter, hangs just past his eyebrows in a messy but sexy way. The glasses are gone, along with the oversized sweatshirts, jeans, and old sneakers he used to live in. Now, he looks incredibly trendy and put together in black pants, a gray sweater, and black leather loafers.

“It’s been a long time,” he says. The unsure smile I remember is now relaxed and confident.

“Yeah, it has.”

“You look great, Piper.”

I wish I did, but I don’t. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m still wearing yesterday’s makeup. The only thing different about me is the toddler hanging on to my hand trying to steal candy.

“Thanks…this is my daughter, Lyric.”

A brief flash of shock widens his eyes. “Wow. She’s adorable. How old is she?”

“She’s three.”

“Damn. She has your smile.”

Everyone says that, but I don’t see it. All I see are Blue’s eyes and smile. I quickly shove him out of my mind and focus on Josh.

“So, what are you doing here?” I ask. “Are you visiting your parents?”

He shakes his head. “No. I meant to call you but time kept slipping away. I moved back here last year. Landed a great career, bought a house, went through a bad breakup, spent all my time fixing up said house, and here I am. What about you?”

“Similar. Got a great job, got an apartment, got my heart broken, got pregnant, and spend my time chasing her around.” I glance toward the register when Robbie calls my name. “That’s my order.”

“I gotta run, too. But hey, you want to grab dinner tomorrow night? We can catch up and shoot the shit.”

I haven’t had dinner with a man in years. Everyone said being a single mom wouldn’t prevent me from dating, but it has. Meeting guys is hard. And when I do meet one, either I don’t think they’re good enough to bring into our lives, or they don’t want anything to do with a woman with a child. Or they just want sex. On rare occasion, I’ve met one who’s actually looking for love, which is just as much a hard no for me as sex is. So, guess I can’t put all the blame on the men, because I come with my own set of dysfunctions.

But this is Josh, and he doesn’t come with any strings or expectations.

“Okay. I’d like that.”

If Josh senses my slight hesitation, he doesn’t show it. “Give me your number and I’ll call you tomorrow to get your address.”

We exchange numbers. After we go our separate ways, I head home to immerse myself in work while Lyric plays with her dolls on the floor. She’s placed a toy teacup and saucer in front of Acorn and is chattering on endlessly. Lyric is an incredibly sweet, undemanding child who keeps herself occupied for hours. She doesn’t throw tantrums, and while she sometimes debates with me, she doesn’t argue or defy. Acorn is a wonderful fur-sibling, always patient and attentive with Lyric and her imaginary adventures. Although we had a rocky start, I feel very blessed to have such a happy, content little family.

Content. The word—the thing—that took away the only missing piece in our life. I turned fear, unexpected hurdles, and chaos into contentment. Into my form of contentment. Would Blue have been able to do the same? Would he have found what he wanted and needed in me and in our child if he had stayed and given us a chance?

I’ll probably never know. And sadly, neither will he.

“I can’t believe you’re going out with Josh. We haven’t seen him in forever.”

I glare at her reflection in my bedroom mirror as I put my earrings on. “Don’t get crazy, Dee. It’s only dinner as friends.”

“That’s what it is today, but that doesn’t mean in the future you won’t be getting it on. Maybe now that he’s hot he’s got some alpha vibes.”

“Alpha vibes? Maybe you two should hook up, then.”

“Do you really think I came over here just to babysit? It’s the perfect excuse for me to check him out,” she teases.

The doorbell rings and I face her. “Well, he’s here, so you can. You still have to babysit, though. Do I look okay?”

She stands and looks me up and down. “You look gorgeous as always. Why can’t we be the same size so I can borrow your clothes?”

“Trust me, I’d much rather be the same size as you.” Nobody understands how hard it is for me to find pants that aren’t a mile too long or shoes that actually stay on my feet.

She follows me to the living room and sits on the couch with Lyric while I answer the door.

“Sorry, I’m early,” he says.

“That’s okay, come on in. Someone wants to gawk at you.”

His eyebrow tweaks up and he steps inside. “Holy shit, Ditra!” He laughs when he sees her and she jumps up to hug him. “How the hell have you been? I thought you’d be married to some rich guy by now and living in Paris.”

“I’m working on it. Did you bring your W-2?”

He grins. “I see you haven’t changed.”

“Never. But you on the other hand….” She eyes him like lunch. “If I’d known you’d end up looking like this I would have snagged you in high school myself.”

I wish I could flirt as effortlessly as Ditra does. I’m not good at it and always end up saying something awkward or realize after the fact that I had something stuck in my teeth the entire time.

“Ditra is babysitting for me.” I open the hall closet door and take out my coat. “But she’s admitted she only agreed to so she could check you out.”

“That’s flattering and disturbing. You sure it’s safe to leave your daughter with her?” He smiles playfully at Ditra. “You have any experience taking care of kids?”

“Yes, lots. I’ve been dating them for years.”

“That was a good one,” I say, leaning down to kiss Lyric’s forehead. “Mommy’s going out for a little while and Aunt Dee is going to stay and play with you, okay?”

She nods without looking up from her favorite picture book that’s open on her lap. I’m not sure if I should be grateful or disappointed that she’s not a little bit upset. I never go out at night, so this is new for her. I expected questions or brief pouting, but she’s unconcerned.

“Piper, she’ll be fine. Go out and have fun for once.” She glances over at Josh. “All this girl does is work. I’m surprised you’re getting her out of the house.”

“We’re leaving.” I grab Josh’s arm before Ditra can reveal more embarrassing facts about me. “Don’t eat too much junk and don’t forget to take Acorn out.”

“Yes, Mom.”

I’ve never been to the steakhouse Josh is taking me to, and I’m relieved he made a reservation because there’s a line of people out the door when we pull into the parking lot. I’m not one of those people who love food enough to wait forty minutes or longer for it with a pager in my hand. I’d rather hit a drive-thru and grab a burger and fries and just be done with it.

From the moment we get in the car we fall into easy, relaxed conversation. We’ve run into each other and talked on the phone sporadically since we officially broke up, but that stopped years ago when I met Blue, and I have a hunch that’s the same time Josh got involved, too. Being friends first and foremost has prevented time or distance from affecting us. Josh and I could probably go ten years without seeing each other and still be just as comfortable with each other as we were when we last saw each other. Right now, that’s stability I could use in my life.

“Are you still working for the same company?” Josh asks as we open our menus.

The menu has a brown leather cover and is printed on parchment paper. It feels heavy and foreign in my hands and I long for the plastic laminated menus that my favorite diner has. I feel out of place sitting in this dim room with white tablecloth-covered tables and flickering candles. The piano music drifting from hidden speakers is probably meant to be romantic but I find it annoying, almost mocking.

I don’t want to be in this fancy restaurant with Josh. I want to be in the diner with Blue eating hamburgers and drinking cherry soda.

“I am,” I reply. “But now I’m in marketing and ad campaigns. I love it, I’m never bored.”

“That’s better than answering phones, huh?” Years ago, he used to call the office and ask me strange questions in a fake accent just to break up the boredom of my day.

“Definitely. So, what about you? Are you still in accounting?”

He puts his menu off to the side. “Yeah, but only part time.”

I glance at him with budding curiosity. “Oh? What are you doing with the other part of your time?”

“Modeling and acting,” he says with a big smile.

I stare at him, waiting for him to say he’s just kidding. But he’s serious. “Modeling and acting?” I repeat. “Really?”

He grabs a roll from the basket on the center of the table and takes a bite out of it. He chews and swallows before he answers. “Yeah.”

“Josh! That’s so freakin’ amazing! What kind of work have you done?”

“Nothing memorable or overly exciting yet. Fashion shoots, and a couple walk-on parts for television and a cable movie. It’s a lot of fun. I never thought in a million years I’d be doing anything like this.”

“I’m blown away. And so proud of you. I never even knew you wanted to model or act.”

“Me either. I just kind of fell into it. I met a photographer at the gym who asked if I’d be interested in modeling and he hooked me up from there.”

“That’s incredible. Can you show me any of it? Do you have pictures or the movies you were in? I’d love to see.”

“Yeah, I have some of the pictures and magazines at home. You should come by and I’ll show you.”

“Of course I will.”

Ditra will lose her mind when I tell her about this, and I wonder if Josh might be interested in taking her out as more than just friends. She could use a good, normal man in her life now that she’s put her sexual escapades behind her.

I could use a normal man, too, but I don’t want one. There’s only one man for me.

“Your daughter is adorable,” Josh says after the waiter comes to take our order. “Are you involved with her father?”

The mere mention of Blue gives me a small twitch in my chest. I sip my ice water, then shake my head. “No. We broke up before I knew I was pregnant. He doesn’t even know she exists.”

“Damn, that’s harsh.”

“I’m not keeping her from him, Josh. I would never do that. I have no way to get in touch with him. I wish I did.”

“Was it serious? You and him?”

If the definition of serious is feeling like my heart was ripped out of my chest and abducted, then yes, it was serious.

“For me it was, and I felt like it was for him, too.” I meet his hazel eyes. “It’s a really complicated situation.”

He nods with acceptance. “Enough said. I’ll make a deal with you. I won’t ask about your ex if you don’t ask about mine. If you want to talk about him, go for it. If not, no big deal. None of my business.”

Relief ebbs through me, dissipating the anxiety and heartache that always comes when I think about Blue. “Deal. And same for you, if you want to talk, I’m here.”

If I can hide my heartache and savor my memories in peace, then I’m fine with Josh doing the same.

We share stories about our jobs and families over dinner, filling each other in on what we missed over the past few years. It’s odd how so much is the same, but so much has changed, too.

“You should take Ditra out,” I suggest when dessert arrives. “She hasn’t had much luck dating. She’s a little crazy, but I think she’s ready for something serious.”

An odd smile touches his lips and he scoops up a spoonful of crème brûlée. “I think she’s a little more than I can handle,” he admits. “And I gotta be honest, I’m not ready to get involved with someone. My last relationship messed me up.”

I’m all too familiar with the flash of pain in his eyes and the invisible wall his words build between us. Honestly, it’s all a welcome relief. Not because I want him to be hurt, but because he understands exactly how I feel.

We’re on the same page.