Losers: Part II

Manson’s kisses woke me up. He was kissing my neck, then my cheek, and when I groaned softly and rolled over, he kissed my mouth until I absolutely melted.

“Don’t go,” I said sleepily. My eyes weren’t even fully open, but my bed would be so empty without him.

“Sorry, angel,” he said, nuzzling his face into my neck. “But I have to bail before your parents find out I’m here. I think your mom might castrate me if she finds me.”

He kept kissing me until my whines of protest became giggles. He left out the window, and I sat up to watch him go, kissing him again as he crouched on the roof’s overhang outside my window. My parents were awake; I could hear them downstairs. Hopefully neither of them would walk outside in the next couple of minutes and see the man on their roof, kissing their daughter through her open window.

“You should come over today,” he said, holding his hand against my cheek. Despite having just woken up, his eyes were bright with energy, a playful smile on his face.

“I will later,” I said. “I promised Julia I’d go shopping with her today.”

An expression flashed across his face so quickly, I almost missed it: a tightening at the corners of his eyes and mouth, a flicker of concern. “Where are you going? Wickeston Outlets?”

Nodding, I said, “Don’t worry. Julia is picking me up. She’ll be with me the whole time.” But I could still see the worry in his eyes. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

Instantly, the expression vanished, hidden behind his crooked smile. “No, it’s nothing you need to worry about. Text us if you need us, okay?”

“Okay.”

He turned as if to leave — then quickly turned back, cupped my face and kissed me again. A hard, deep, possessive kiss. And when he parted from me, he said, “I love you, angel. Be good today.”

Holy shit, those words snatched the breath right out of my chest. They made me feel as if I’d been falling from a great height and suddenly started floating. He tapped his finger against my mouth, as if to remind me of what he’d said last night: to think about it, to take my time.

But God, how easily I could have said it back to him. It scared me how quickly those words could fall from my lips.

“I’ll be good,” I said. “I promise.”

He left, dropping down into the backyard and climbing over the fence. He turned to wave at me as he walked down the sidewalk, and I waved back. Only when he was around the corner and out of my sight did I collapse on the bed, releasing a heavy sigh as I stared at the ceiling.

This wasn’t a game anymore. This was so much more.

He loved me. No matter how many times that moment in the closet swirled around and around in my mind, it still made me breathless. It was terrifying and remarkable and…

Clutching one of my pillows as tightly as I could, I tried to crush down the swelling feeling in my chest. I felt like a schoolgirl with a crush, my mind racing, my heart pounding, palms sweating. And yet, at the same time…

I felt assured. I felt certain. Manson wanted me to wait, to give it thought, and I understood why. Every moment of my reunion with them had been overwhelming and new, but this? Even more so.

I’d told partners that I loved them before, but it had never felt quite like this.

What had happened to me? How had I become so completely lost in this, in them? But I didn’t feel lost — I felt like I’d found something instead. Like I was picking up little pieces of myself along the way, assembling the version of me I was meant to be.

***

Julia came to pick me up around noon, rolling up outside in an old red Cadillac convertible.

“Sorry about the mess, girl. You can chuck it on the ground honestly.” She laughed, clearing water bottles, books, and crumpled receipts off the passenger seat.

We headed for the outlet mall, which was a quick drive across town. After telling Julia as much as I reasonably could about our vacation to the mountains — she complained that I’d left out “all the juicy details” — I then told her about Mom’s attempts to interfere with my dating life.

“You need to move out,” she said simply. “That’s honestly super toxic. What is she trying to do, like, arrange a marriage for you?”

“Trust me, if she could, she would,” I said. “But you’re right. I really don’t know how much longer I can stand living with her. I appreciate them letting me move back, obviously, but I’d rather break the bank trying to pay rent somewhere else. But I have my review at work soon, and I have a good feeling about it.”

Julia glanced at me excitedly as we pulled into the parking lot outside the outlets. “Yeah? You think they’ll hire you full-time? That’s so exciting!” But as she parked, she said, “That would mean you’d move to New York though, right?”

“Yeah. Right.”

We looked at each other, her expression sympathetic as I sighed. Moving states away from my hometown used to be all I wanted to do. Now, the idea was fraught with indecision.

Vincent’s words still echoed in my head. Wherever you want to be, baby.

We were walking across the parking lot toward the entrance when I heard a sharp sound of disgust. Glancing to the side, I spotted Danielle and Candace making their way in the same direction, both of them sneering toward us.

“Oh, great.” I muttered the words under my breath, rolling my eyes away from the sight of them.

“Ignore them,” Julia said firmly. She linked her arm through mine, tossing her hair back like a fiery mane. “People like them thrive on attention. The more you give them, the more they’ll want.”

She was right, but I’d always hated to run from confrontation. If Danielle and Candace had something to say to me, then they’d better damn well say it. Fortunately for everyone, I lost track of them once we were inside.

We were both hungry, so our first stop was the food court. We were finishing lunch when Julia leaned toward me and said in a low voice, “Don’t turn around, but you have an admirer who’s been following us.”

My eyes widened. “Julia, you can’t just say that and tell me not to turn around. That sounds terrifying.”

She laughed. “Sorry, sorry, okay, I admit that sounded super creepy. Then again, Lucas is a little creepy.”

“Lucas is here?” Instantly forgetting that she’d told me not to look, I turned in my seat and scanned the food court. It only took me a moment before I spotted him. He was seated on a bench on the other side of the court, partially hidden behind one of the tall trees that shaded the walkway between the shops. He was looking away from us, distracted by something. But when he looked back and caught my eyes, he winced and got to his feet.

“Stalkeeerrr,” Julia teased as he reached our table and pulled out the chair beside me.

“Not stalking,” he said, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me over to his lap. We were in the middle of a crowded food court, and yet he couldn’t seem to resist having me sit on him. “I just happened to be here.”

“Oh really?” I said, folding my arms skeptically. “You didn’t come to play guard dog?”

The growling noise he made was indeed very dog-like. He took my chin in his thumb and forefinger, giving my face a little shake. “Don’t get sassy with me, sweetheart. I would have been a perfectly fine guard dog if this one hadn’t gone and told you about it.” He made a dismissive motion toward Julia, who gasped in mock offense. “She did tell you, right?”

“You weren’t exactly subtle, Lucas,” Julia said, sighing as if his performance was painfully amateur. “You were so busy making sure Jess didn’t see you that you didn’t bother to hide from me.”

“Have you ever known me to be subtle?” he said, and she shrugged as if he’d made a good point. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to intrude on your day.”

“You’re not intruding,” I said. “You should join us, since you’re already here.” I glanced over at Julia to confirm, but she clearly didn’t mind.

“Yeah, trust me, it’ll be a lot easier to guard your little lady if you’re next to her,” she said.

She was teasing him, but by the expression on Lucas’s face, he was hardly playing around. He looked as serious as he always did, but it was hard to miss how nervously he was looking around as we started walking again. He was constantly scanning the crowds, one arm around my shoulders so he could hold me close.

When we passed by a lingerie shop, he abruptly halted.

“Hold up a second,” he said, nodding toward the store. “I think the boys and I owe you a few new pairs of panties. And a bra or two.”

“Oooh, sounds like fun,” Julia said. “I’ll meet up with you guys when you’re done. I have to go to the bookstore anyway. Toodles!” She fluttered her fingers at us as she walked away, almost skipping as she headed toward the bookstore.

Lucas followed right behind me as I wandered around the store, standing so close that I continually bumped into him. After several minutes of him acting like the Secret Service, I turned to him and said softly, “Lucas, what’s going on? Manson was acting weird about me going out today and now you show up. Did something happen?”

He hesitated before saying, “Nothing you need to worry about. We told you we’d be keeping an eye on you.”

“Yeah, if I was going somewhere alone.” I took his hand and stepped closer, brushing my fingers along his jaw. He looked like he hadn’t shaved in a couple of days. “I’m glad you’re here, and I want you to be. But if something has changed, if Manson’s dad has done something else and it’s freaking you guys out, please tell me.”

He sighed heavily, his eyes snapping over to glare at another couple as they moved past us. As if he saw a threat in everything, everywhere. It had to be exhausting to be so tense, to always be on the lookout for danger.

“Vincent’s dad gave Manson a warning,” he finally said. “Reagan’s been trying to stir up trouble at a community level. Spreading lies, rumors. I don’t know what all. None of us do. But we’re not going to risk you running into the wrong person and having shit go south. Like I said, don’t worry about it. You’re safe.”

He touched my arm gently as he said it, his calloused fingers trailing down my skin. As frightening as those words were, I knew I was safe with him. There wasn’t a single doubt in my mind. But it pained me to see him so on edge. They’d all been working long hours since we returned from the mountains, but the exhaustion was visible on his face.

“Come on,” he said. “Don’t dwell on that bullshit. Let’s get you some pretty little underthings that I can rip up.”

In an effort to distract him from being so on edge, I insisted he pick which panties I should get. Watching him rummage through drawers of frilly lingerie, eyes narrowed with intense concentration, was priceless. To my surprise, the pairs he picked were so spot-on to my style, it was as if I’d picked them myself. Bright colors, lacey edges, cute patterns.

He paid for everything, taking out his card at the register before I could even reach into my bag.

“Now, what was that fancy-ass lipstick I ruined?” he said as we left hand in hand. He’d insisted on carrying my bags too, and was now laden not only with my purse but with multiple pink bags containing my lingerie purchases.

Laughing at his description, I said, “It’s called MAC. Are you sure you want to set foot in a makeup store with me? It’s dangerous territory. I could spend hours there.”

He shrugged. “Then I’ll spend hours with you.”

He said it so easily, as if he truly didn’t mind traipsing around after me with all my bags on his arm. Kyle used to get so pissed at how long I would take when I was shopping, but picking out makeup was serious business.

We met up with Julia again at the makeup shop. We browsed together, with Lucas keeping close behind us. He didn’t hover as close with Julia here, but he also didn’t let us out of his sight for even a moment.

Unfortunately, he had every reason to be so tense.

As we turned down another aisle, I came face to face with Danielle and Candace.

We didn’t say a word to each other, but the tension in that aisle swelled until it was practically vibrating my bones. Doing my best to ignore them, I simply went on looking for the product I wanted, even when it meant standing right beside them.

But Danielle couldn’t keep her mouth shut.

“It’s scary how lax security has gotten here,” she said, speaking to Candace with a heavy sigh. It immediately got my hackles up, and despite Julia shaking her head at me, I didn’t think I’d be able to hold back. “They let so many creeps walk around here now, it doesn’t even feel safe anymore.”

When I laughed, both of them looked at me as if they’d had no idea I was there at all. But I knew the tricks of their petty little game. The casual insults, the fake innocence — I hated it.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I startle you?” I said. “I knew you were a coward, Danielle, but now you just sound paranoid.”

Her mouth gaped open at me. Maybe they had expected me to keep quiet, but if they wanted to trade insults, I wasn’t about to back down.

“Ugh, let’s go,” Danielle said, putting down the palette she’d been examining. They squeezed around us; Candace clumsily bumping into Lucas as they went. He barely even glanced at her.

“Ah, nothing like the stench of insecurity,” Julia said. She managed to get something like a laugh out of Lucas. He exhaled a bit harder than usual, but that was close enough to a chuckle for me.

We browsed a little longer before we headed to the register to pay. When we proceeded to the door and the alarm sounded as we stepped through, I didn’t think anything of it. They probably forgot to remove a tag from one of the items when they checked us out.

A security guard accompanied the employee who approached us to check our receipt. The guard lingered around us, eyeing Lucas suspiciously. The employee wanted to see inside our shopping bags next, and people were starting to stare.

“Is this all really necessary?” I said, exasperated at how long this was taking.

They’d let Julia proceed outside, and I knew she was in a rush to get home so she could get ready for work. It was taking so long that I finally waved at her to go. I’d ride home with Lucas instead. She didn’t seem particularly happy to leave us. So much for security at this place being “lax.”

“This is standard procedure, ma’am,” the security guard said. He kept one hand resting on his taser, and my palms were starting to sweat. People were looking at us like we were already guilty. I felt the stares, I heard the whispers.

Lucas had lowered his head, his thumbs hooked in his pockets, his jaw clenched so tight that a muscle in his cheek was throbbing. The employee looked through all our shopping bags, but then wanted to see inside my own personal bag — which Lucas was carrying.

“You want her purse?” Lucas said, his voice rising in frustration.

The security guard stepped closer and muttered something into his walkie-talkie, so I said quickly, “It’s fine. I don’t mind, Lucas, it’s okay.”

We had nothing to hide. It was just weird and uncomfortable, and I wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible. Lucas was breathing deeply, his stance growing tighter. He handed over my bag with a look of furious resignation.

My eyes widened as the employee reached into my purse and withdrew a large bottle of perfume in an elaborate glass bottle. We hadn’t paid for that. We hadn’t even looked at perfume.

“There has to be some kind of mistake,” I said. But the guard seized Lucas’s arm, and he jerked back instantly, throwing the guard off balance. The man stumbled, people gasped, and within seconds, he’d pulled out his taser.

“Stop! Stop, please, this is a mistake,” I said, desperately putting myself between Lucas and the guard, even with a taser aimed straight for me. He was breathing so hard, I could feel him shaking against my back.

The guard said something into his walkie-talkie again, some kind of code before he called for an “officer.”

“Is this your bag, ma’am?” the employee said.

“Of course it is,” I said. “But we didn’t —”

“I’ve been carrying her bag since we’ve been here,” Lucas said. “She had nothing to do with this, she hasn’t even touched the bag since we got in the store.”

“You didn’t steal that, Lucas!” I blurted. How the hell had this happened? A bottle of perfume didn’t just jump off the shelf!

But then I remembered Candace bumping into him as she’d left.

That was it. It had to be. She had to have slipped the bottle into the bag.

“We were set up,” I said. Hearing my own words, they sounded so weak. Like a terrible lie. “Pull the cameras and check, please. He didn’t take that perfume.”

“We’re going to need you to step aside, ma’am.” My stomach lurched. The officer the guard had called for had arrived, an armed policeman who was watching Lucas like he was a bomb about to explode.

When I turned and looked back, I could understand why. Lucas had been backed into a corner near the door and his eyes were wide, his fists were clenched. He wasn’t thinking clearly; I could see it in his eyes — unbridled rage and fear had overtaken everything else.

“Sir, for our safety, I’m going to need you to turn around and put your hands behind your head.”

Lucas’s entire body twitched. “Fuck you.”

“Lucas, it’s okay, it’s okay, please.” I grasped onto his arms, even though the guard had told me to step back. “Look at me. Listen. You’ll be okay. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Step back, ma’am.”

“Sir, if you keep resisting, I’m authorized to use force.”

I laid my hand against Lucas’s face, physically turning his head so he had to look at me. God, he was shaking so hard. “Listen to me. It’ll be okay. I’m not leaving you. You did nothing wrong. Just…” I hated what I was about to say. I knew he’d hate it too. But we had no choice. “Just do what he says, Lucas. Please.”

His face flinched; that pained look breaking my heart. But he nodded slowly. When I finally stepped back, he closed his eyes before he turned around and put his hands behind his head.