Falling Awake (Unbreakable #2)

To tell the truth, I felt like on a visit from another planet. Perhaps a million two hundred thousand light-years from Earth.

I tripped on the smooth floor of the bathroom. I dropped Jim’s shaving gel as I was reaching for my face cream. And I wasn’t able to put the toothpaste on my toothbrush until the third attempt. His yesterday´s visit disconcerted me so much that I almost lost all my teeth as I cleaned them furiously. And I pulled out a half of my hair by combing it.

Why the fuck can’t he give me a break?

Why the hell can’t I control myself around him?

We didn’t even talk to each other a week ago! So, how… How did it come to this?

I searched for my T-shirt for half an hour just to find it lying on the bed in front of me. I almost sprained my ankle as I ran downstairs in a murderous mood. And then I got completely stuck when I found my weird-smiling uncle in the kitchen. He handed me a mug of coffee.

“Good morning, Honey,” he greeted me sweetly, kissing my forehead.

What the heck?

I narrowed my eyes at him in an attempt to figure out why he was grinning like that, and I measured him quite suspiciously. After all, I was always the one who waited for him with the morning coffee. This was bizarre, extraordinary, strange.

“You need something from me, don’t you?” I asked cautiously, carefully and slowly, as I needed to prepare for the shock of his response. But willy-nilly, the worst-case scenario immediately occurred to me anyway: “Goodness gracious! Is there some soccer championship starting and Eric´s gonna spend every night here?”

Yes. I was very happy I made Jim burst out laughing.

Who cares that my heart almost stopped, panicking.

“No, Honey,” he kept chuckling. “Today´s Valentine’s Day, so I’d like to tell you that I love you. And that I’m really glad you’re here with me. And thank you for taking such good care of me.”

I choked.

Valentine’s Day?

Shit!

Fuck the whole Valentine’s Day!

But my uncle’s words made me smile, and the coffee helped me get in a better mood.

“Yeah, Jimmie,” my gaze dropped to the floor as I tried to hide my embarrassment. “I love you too.”

He offered me to do the shopping and that was definitely the greatest Valentine´s Day present for me.

At nine-thirteen, I finished my coffee and bit into a salami bun. At nine-forty-eight, I threw things in the washing machine and cleaned the bathroom. At ten-thirty-nine, Jim returned from the grocery and I could start cooking.

At twelve-zero-one, the chicken was ready and I started making a cake – my gift of love for Jim. And at twelve-thirty-two, I finished preparing the rice. At twelve-fifty-nine, I pulled the cake out of the oven and could start cleaning the kitchen. At half past one I focused on my room, and ten minutes after two o’clock I sat exhausted on the floor next my bed.

Damn, why do I keep checking the clock?

I didn’t want to admit it. Inwardly, I growled at my brain every time it reminded me that the time was running too fast. That soon, there would be evening. And a soccer. And Jim’s visit.

Holy crap, did I really come up with the idea?

I wasn’t ready to see him. I wasn’t ready to face him. I wasn’t ready to face everything that was going on inside my chest every time I thought about him.

Nothing was so dazing than succumbing to the power that drew me to him. To dig my fingers in his hair, to kiss his lips, to let his hands wander through my back.

And nothing was as painful as waking up. Realizing that I wasn’t the only one. That his lips didn’t belong to me only.

I had to go do something, I just had to. I ran downstairs to find Jim in the living room. Of course, he was lounging on the seat. Of course, a half of the cake was gone. I really didn’t understand what kid of metabolism the guy had, but I was quite annoyed that these genes bypassed my Dad so I could inherit them too.

“Are you going for a run, Honey?” He asked as he saw me grab my sneakers.

“Yes,” I nodded, and immediately got stuck as it occurred to me again. For the thousand time that day. “Um, uh, Eric’s coming later, okay? To watch soccer with you.”

Well, maybe my tension was worth Jim’s smile: “I know, Sweetheart. He already called me. You´re the best.”

I hurried to leave the house before he would decide to say something more. I turned straight to the path that led me into the woods. It didn’t take long for my muscles to ache, but I still couldn’t get enough of that. The fresh air in my lungs, the damn hot scream of Chester Bennington in my ears. For the first time that day, my body truly relaxed.

My uncle was still smiling dementedly when I got back home. I preferred to head straight for the shower and covered just in a towel, I ran to my room after taking it.

And then it was an eclipse.

I swear.

Complete system reset.

I turned around maybe five times, but no, I didn’t open someone else´s door. I really stood in my room.

There were roses…

Everywhere!

Lots and lots of beautiful colored roses were covering the floor, my table, my dresser. Even the windowsill. They were lying everywhere I looked, everywhere except my bed. I only found a notice there.

167 roses for every day I know you. I care for you. E.

Nothing. There was absolutely nothing in my head. Out of the blue, an emptiness dominated my mind, yet I fell to my knees under its weight.

Shit!

Damn!

Fuck!

“The boy has pretty crazy ideas, doesn’t he?” I jerked upon hearing Jim´s voice coming from the door. I looked up at him, I stared at him blankly. I just keep staring as his words were replaying somewhere in my brain. Because it took me a while to understand their meaning.

”You knew about this?” I had to ask.

I had my answer, I had it as soon as he let his gaze drop guiltily somewhere down. “Well, yeah,” he confirmed my assumption. “I let him in.”

Dammit what?

Did he approve all of this?

It must have been really expensive!

“Are you angry?” The concerned tone of my uncle’s voice made me return to reality.

“No,” I exhaled absently, “not at you.”

But at the other one, that was a completely different story.

I could feel it, it was bubbling somewhere inside me, and I didn’t suppress the anger that was triggered in me. Because… Hell! Those roses were beautiful, so damn beautiful! An if I were his girlfriend, if we were a normal couple, I would die of happiness right now. But we weren´t! He cheated on me! He promised me he wouldn’t buy me expensive gifts!

And besides, what did he want to achieve? Didn’t I make it clear to him that I didn’t want anything more to do with him?

Okay, I know, I let him kiss me.

Twice.

And I talked to him too.

And we spent the whole evening together comforting Jim.

And I held him in my arms when he was feeling sick…

Holy crap! Lara! You’re so stupid!

I got up from the floor, I wasn’t probably thinking anymore as I started pulling clothes out of my closet furiously.

“Honey?” I jerked for a second time, realizing that Jim was still standing at the door of my room, confused.

“I’m going to go kill him,” I told him dryly, trying to ignore his chuckle. Jim just closed the door so I could get dressed.

Without a jacket and with my hair still wet, I ran out of the house and got into my car. There was something boiling inside me, yet I couldn’t even tell what bothered me so much. The disorientation grew into a gigantic mess, I needed to make things clear with him. Although I had no idea what I wanted to tell him, even when I was already walking toward his place.

“Lara!” I was startled as Tamara suddenly appeared from around the corner. “I’m glad to see you again! You’re going to see Eric, aren’t you? Just don’t break anything.”

I flashed her an exemplary confused grimace, but she just shrugged. However, I didn’t manage to answer her.

“Eric warned us already, my dear,” Will appeared out of somewhere as well. His smile didn’t lose any of its magic meanwhile. “He said you were going to go, uh... kill him.”

What the hell?

Does he know about it?

How…?

Oh…! Thank you, Jim!

“He´s in you…, his room. He´s in his room.” It couldn’t be more obvious that his sister was trying hard not to burst out laughing.

So, okey, he finds it funny.

I took a sharp breath, but I still managed to talk to them. I was pleased to meet both of them. At least for a few minutes, as they seemed to be leaving somewhere. But it didn’t ease my anger. I ran upstairs and didn’t bother knocking. But Eric wasn’t in his room.

I wanted to go see if I could find him in his library, but it stopped me. It hit me; it took my breath away. As soon as I noticed it. A painting hanging on the left side of the fireplace. A painting of me.

And in an instant, there were just too many shocks in one day.

“It´s beautiful, isn’t it?”

It woke me up to hear his voice behind me. It sent shivers down my spine to hear the gentle tone, he spoke of it with.

“Dammit, Eric,” I whispered, because I couldn’t, I simply couldn’t talk louder. “Why do you have a painting of…”

The question got stuck in my mouth, I wasn’t able to finish it. I wasn’t able to take my eyes off it.

“You,” he finished it calmly instead of me.

Me.

Because it’s normal. Totally normal.

But…, apart from the fact that I was painted there, it really was beautiful. The boy knew how to use the oil colors extremely well. I recognized the sketch, I recalled it. As a template, he used his painting, which he´d drawn already in December when I´d lived here for a week.

Shit, did he plan this already back then?

Is that why he suggested the bet in the first place?

“Where´s the fifth angel?”

Wait a second!

Did he exchange the fifth angel for my painting?

Fuck! Lara! Come on! Come to your senses!

This is none of your business! That’s not why you came here!

“I put it back where it belongs,” my demon didn’t hesitate to answer anyway. “The truth is, Dove, that you returned to me everything what the angel reminded me of.”

What?

His reply didn’t help me to understand him. Or to sort my thoughts. I needed to collect myself, I needed to do so quickly. I let it go and turned to him. And then, then I waved my common sense goodbye.

I swear, I was literally feeling it leaving me.

Monsieur Lestrad probably came straight out of the bathroom. He was wearing only a towel, and to say that the wet piece of fabric clung to his incredibly divine butt in a perfectly way, would be an extremely poor analogy. He offered me his absolutely flawless body on a silver tray, and moreover, he was looking at me, as if I supposed to be able to speak now.

No, I wasn’t.

What the hell did I want?

Rebuke him.

Or yell.

Or something.

The corner of his lips shot up. Voilà! Why not to try a crooked smile when she still wasn’t knocked-out by the fact that I´m standing here half-naked.

He knew it! He was damn well aware of the embarrassment he had caused me again. And I might have stayed disconcerted, it might have turned out completely differently if it hadn’t caught my eye. If I hadn’t found out that the tattoo on his chest wasn’t really a tattoo.

Because tattoos don’t fade.

And the torn skin pattern he’d always had there was no longer recognizable. Those strange words could no longer be read.

It made me wake up, it forced me to put myself together. Because the question itched my tongue. But a single glance at the expression on his face reassured me that he realized how much I was surprised. I swear he waited for me to ask, but no, I couldn’t. Because of the reason I came here with - to tell him to leave me alone - I also lost the right to take care as well.

“What are you doing?” I asked him this question instead. For the sake of my mental health, I must have promised myself not to look lower than into his face.

“I just took a shower, Dove,” he pointed to the bathroom, and that was alright. That he took a step towards me, not so much. “I wanted to get dressed, but I found you in my room.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Yes, it was a nice attempt to calm down indeed. Seriously. Also, totally unnecessary. He knew very well that I didn’t want to know this.

“What are you doing?” I asked again, unable to control the angry tone of my voice anymore.

“I’m just listening to you,” he told me, forcing me to open my mouth and look at him confused.

Damn, when did he manage to get so close to me?

It engulfed me. A terrible urge to reach out and touch his tattoos. Or those muscles. Or the heat that radiated from him, that I could feel it on me.

Fuck! Was he doing it to me on purpose?

“You told me that it was high time for us to go back to our worlds,” he continued, making me turn my attention back to what he was telling me. I blinked, but no, I had no idea where he was heading with this. What part of that sentence didn’t he understand?

“You not only belong to my world, you are my world. Did you forget?”

I didn’t want to, I desperately didn’t want to, but his eyes… My whole body obeyed only him. Including my brain which - even against my will - replayed me the words he´d once told me.

“I wanted to protect you by not dragging you into my world. But the truth is that you not only belong to my world, you are my world. I was a fool to think I could handle it without you. I can´t. Period. So, if you ask me what I really want, what I truly long for, then the answer is you. From the moment I found you, I’ve always wanted you. You’re the best friend, I’ve ever had. You´re my soulmate.”

He said it exactly that night when he promised me not to leave me alone. That night I forgave him everything. That night when he kissed me.

And then he kissed her.

“I won’t get over it,” I exhaled. “You have to put up with it.”

“And I won’t give up you,” he shrugged. “You need to put up with this.”

Damn!

Fuck his stubbornness!

Or mine!

Suddenly, I was burning from the inside.

“Why the hell are you so stubborn?” I exploded. “Why do you have to provoke me all the time?”

He took a sharp breath, something flashed in his irises, and I knew I´d pissed him off. But I didn’t care, he was to blame. And besides, I was more upset!

“I am provoking you?” He hissed. “What about you? You flirted with that jerk and eventually, you went on a date with him!”

Excuse me?!

Involuntarily!

And besides why does he care? We´re not involved! Just like him, I can go on a date when I want! Even with a half of the school if I wanted to!

He clenched his fists and damn, it was a knee-wobbling view as the muscles of his arms automatically tensed. An absolutely inappropriate situation for me to concentrate on all the heat that was starting to flood me.

“You shiver when I touch you, you kiss me back! And you still pretend like it means nothing to you!” He raised his voice, he almost yelled at me.

And all of a sudden, I couldn’t breathe properly. I was totally torn. With his gaze, burning a hole in my brain, making it impossible for me to think. His deep eyes, I swear, they seemed so bright when he was this angry. He reached out for my arm, he grabbed it cheekily to pull me closer to him.

„Admit it, Lara,“ he growled as his gaze dropped to my lips. „Admit that we belong together.“

He was staring, fuck, he was watching my lips shamelessly, as if they were his last chance of salvation. As if they could save him from falling into eternal doom.

And I…, my gosh! There were so much of what I was feeling right now. I wanted and then I didn’t, I longed, I needed, I had to, I couldn’t.

I tried to fight it, I tried to make him let go of me. But he just wrapped his arm around my waist and pressed me to his naked chest. “Admit it,” he whispered. “Say it out loud. I´m yours and you´re mine.”

And all I knew; all I was full aware of was that he was the only one who could make me feel everything at once.

Earth is calling Lara! And her broken heart begs for attention, too!

“Shit, Eric!” I jerked to release my hand out of his grasp, to release me out of his grip. I was standing on the edge; I was standing just a small step from an abyss. “You make me hate myself!”

“What?” He retreated immediately. I added insult to injury, I knew it, my confession knocked him down. Out of the blue, the anger was gone, and my demon was calm. “You hate yourself because of me? Why?”

Because I’m out of my depth!

Because I let you break my heart!

Because I trusted you!

Because I love you.

There was a small step that separated me from the never-ending abyss, and at the moment when I returned the look to him, I began to balance. Because nothing was so dazing than succumbing to the power that drew me to him.

“Because you made me…!” I growled, but then I got stuck as I couldn’t control it anymore. My hand, longing to touch him, dug into his hair to pull him hard against me. I complied my heart, which was fluttering in my chest, and I pressed my lips to his. No, I didn’t try to regain my balance, instead I jumped headlong into that abyss.

And maybe I would have put myself together right away.

Maybe I would have regretted it.

Maybe I would have realized what I´d done.

If my demon hadn’t growled under my touch. If he hadn’t taken a sharp breath. If he´d defended himself. If he´d let me go.

But he didn’t, he didn’t understand at all how broken I was inside. My attempt to save myself, to interrupt it, to break away from his kisses, to step away from him, failed in that second, he seized his hand around my arm, pinned me back against his chest, and put his lips back to my mouth. When he claimed what belonged to him anyway.

Nope, my last hope of salvation just died.

Maybe I staggered, maybe those were two uncertain steps he made me take. Something wobbled, something fell, I didn’t care. I had no idea how, suddenly, there was a door he leaned me against.

He didn’t hesitate to steal my breath, and just like that, my head was spinning. Because he kissed me as if his life depended on it. Or mine. Or the life of both of us.

And I let him. There was nothing I wanted to do about it. Or could. Whatever he asked of me, he had it.

I… I enjoyed the fall into nothingness.

His firm shoulders, as bewitching as they were, I put my arms around them, pulling his naked chest even closer. I let him pin me to that door.

His tongue conquered my mouth, his hands gripped my body. He let them fall on my butt, he pressed me to his lap, just so I know what I was doing to him.

I couldn’t get enough of each millimeter of his skin, and he made sure I would desperately beg to taste him. He bit gently my lower lip to suck it in his mouth, he took a deep breath as I moaned. He run his lips through my chin to redirect his whole attention only to my neck. My demon worshiped it with his tongue and his breath left burnt prints behind his kisses. The envoy from my hell probably had no idea how much he dominated me right now.

He showed me that it could be much, much worse when his hands wandered under my sweatshirt. When he pulled it over my head in one quick movement.

His eyes, his whole body glowed, I would say he took the tank top I wore as his personal challenge. And I didn’t care. I didn’t, I beseeched him inwardly to get me rid of it, too.

And he looked at me.

The lust, reflecting in his irises made me surrender, I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t fight with him; I couldn’t fight with myself. Let him have it all, let him destroy me, let him tear me to pieces.

But it changed.

“Dove,” he whispered.

He froze. The passion which he had demanded my lips with disappeared and a confusion grew in his face instead. My demon was watching me, he was studying me, and I simply couldn’t hide from his hypnotizing gaze. And then he exhaled heavily. In contrast to my scattered breathing, he calmed down completely, and his forehead leaned on mine.

“I can see it in your eyes, the fear to trust me again,” his hand cupped my cheek. “The huge mess I caused.”

My heart pounded even wilder as I realized the meaning of his words. He pressed a gentle kiss to my lips as he ran his nose through mine.

“Dammit, Lara,” he muttered, “I can think of so many ways how to make you moan my name. Right now, right here.” The desire that had dominated his expression a minute ago returned as his gaze fell upon my tank top. But he raised his eyes just as quickly. “But I won´t do it until you´re sure that you want it too. Until you ask me to. I tried so hard not to screw up with you. But I did. Twice. And that why I´m not gonna give you a reason to hate me for the third time.”

There was only tenderness left in his deep voice, his touch couldn’t be softer. He tucked my hair behind my ear, he caressed my face, and carefully kissed my forehead.

“Tell Jim I’ll be there at seven, would you do it for me?”

He let me go. He pulled himself away, allowing me to breathe again and stare at him with wide eyes. He stepped away from me, and I didn’t understand how he could - unlike me - control himself so easily. I wondered until I noticed his clenched fists.

“Go, Princess, please go while I’m under control,” he literally begged. He didn’t look at me anymore, he turned away to face the window. “Because when I stop, even all the saints won´t help you. I don’t want you to regret anything.”

I knew he was right. That he himself stood on the edge too. And I rather obeyed him, I run away, dragging my bleeding heart and trampled brain behind me.

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