Envious Desire

Elijah

“I can’t take this constant arguing Avery! Just stop!”

“Stop why? Because it will make you happy! Fuck making you happy. I want to be happy. All you ever do is run to her. What about me?”

“Are you fucking kidding me right now! She was fucking kidnapped and beaten! She needs her friends to help her feel normal again!”

“What about me?” Avery shouted with a piercing sound.

“What about you?”

“I need you.”

“What do you need me for Avery? Huh? Tell me.”

“Just to be there for me Eli, by my side so we can spend time together.”

“I’ve tried that but you’re uncompromising. You crave my presence when you crave it, not when it’s feasible. You just want me to ignore my friend, who needs everyone right now just so that we can spend time together, when we can do that whenever.” I expressed my displeasure.

My blood boils, veins beat erratically, “You’re so fucking selfish Avery. I can’t believe I’m actually with someone like you who could just put their own needs first when clearly someone else is in need.”

Avery’s face contorts, “If you can’t believe you’re fucking with me, then get the fuck out! I don’t ever wanna see you again.”

Those words pierced my ears, triggering a pain in my heart; however, in my stubborn state, I retaliated with, “Fine! I’m fucking leaving! Don’t you ever expect to see me again!”

Storming into the bedroom, I packed what I could into a duffle bag, sprinting out the house. With labored breaths, pain intensified in my chest, I can’t believe that just happened.

Arriving at my car, I unlock the door, throwing myself into the driver seat, slamming the door behind me.

Bellowing into the air, punching the steering wheel repeatedly, the horn making a ruckus, in my car by myself. What the fuck was all that about? I can’t fucking deal with this shit anymore! This has been too much for too long; it wasn’t sustainable.

I phone the one person I feel can pacify my concern at this very moment. Scrolling through my contacts, I arrive at her name, pressing her number, waiting for her voice to soothe me.

“Hello,” her voice rang through the receiver.

Shutting my eyes, “Hey Chloe. I really need to see you. Something just happened and I need someone to talk to.”

“Sure! Of course. I’m home, come on over.”

Pressing the gas and the button at the same time, my car roars to life, heading straight to her home, off to alleviate this stinging in my chest.

Chloe

Hanging up with Eli I commence packing. Unsure of the length of time I’ll be absent, I pack a little of everything. One thing I’m certain of is I require spaciousness. This apartment, this place, everything... is a recollection of exceptional, although dreadful reminiscences of our time together.

Every crevice of my home is a constant reminder of him, my kitchen counter... where he first had me liberate my pent up tension on his face. The living room where we role played, the bathroom when he allowed my expression of anguish from our first date. An ache throbs in my chest.

A tear threatens to escape, I won’t allow it, I refuse! I won’t empower its escape to present itself at this time.

Shaking away my thoughts, I continue rummaging through my clothing, picking out pieces as if this is a vacation. I feel a plethora of emotions, I crave his touch. FUCK! I just crave to be in his proximity.

A knock at the door startles my thoughts. Dropping my clothing, I shuffle towards the entryway. Peeling the door back I view Elijah, red eyed and teary, my heart stings at the very sight of him.

I embrace him in the hallway, “Awe Eli.” He nestles in my neck. I can feel the tears wet my shoulder triggering a tighter embrace.

Pulling back, he stares into the windows of my soul, “I’m sorry Chloe, I didn’t mean to hug you.”

Waving off his apology, “No, it’s okay. I’m okay. Let’s get inside.”

His hands slide down my arms grasping my hands as we enter the living room, plopping on the sofa, “Now, tell me what happened?

“What’s there to say Chloe? Avery has been unreasonable. The demands from me are unbearable. I couldn’t take it anymore. We... we broke up,” his hands raise to the ceiling. “I just... I feel like I need to just get away from it all, this whole god forsaken ordeal.”

The lightbulb brightens in my mind causing me to interrupt, “Come with me.”

“Come with you? Where?” Grasping his hand I rise from the sofa, leading him to the bedroom. “Earlier, when you called, I was already packing. I had surmised a retreat was a necessity, everything has been... too much. Why don’t you join me?”

Eyelids shut and open at a rapid pace, “Uh, I’d love to.”

“Great! Go home and pack and I’ll come get you after I’m done packing. We can take my car.”

“I’m already packed, Chloe. I had to leave,” his eyes misted.

“On the ride you can tell me everything that transpired that led to this,” I attempted to shift his mood as best I can.

“Okay, I’m gonna go get road trip food while you finish packing,” Elijah gets up, heading out the door twisting at the waist, “Thanks Chloe. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

Granting a small smile, I nod, closing the door behind him, heading towards the bedroom to gather the rest of my belongings.

Elijah emerges from the street with a smile on his face as he approaches the car with mountainous amounts of road trip food and drink, chips, cakes, cheese, candy, soda, redbull and water, packing it all in the back seat with our belongings.

“Hey Chloe, you ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I put on some road trip music and looked at Elijah, “Now what happened? Explain everything, don’t leave out a single detail.”

Taking a lung filling breath, Elijah explains how Avery has been very demanding and even been jealous of the time that Eli spends with me. As if anything would ever happen. I don’t have the equipment to satisfy him. How absurd is that?

I feel for him, it’s almost impossible to maintain a healthy relationship when one person is insecure, constantly requiring reassurance. “Eli, I’m so sorry. I don’t want to be the cause of the demise of your relationship.”

Moving his head back and forth, “This was long coming. That is just the most recent issue that spung up. Avery has always been so selfish. I just hadn’t realized how much until now.”

I stew on his words when Eli breaks me from my train of thought, “What about you Chloe? Why do you need to get away? I thought you were making progress.”

My mind filters endless images of Selena’s huge belly, all of the appointments, the endless interruptions and Axle smiling while feeling the baby kick. My face distorts, Eli automatically reacts.

“Awe, hun, don’t worry we don’t have to talk about it,” Eli nudges my chin with his knuckle. “I know what will cheer you up,” his hand grasps the phone, flying through the playlist pressing on a song.

The Black Eyed Peas featuring J Balvin, the “Mi Gente,” song fills the space between us. Eli’s arms raise to the ceiling, circling his hips, “Come on girl! You know you wanna move it!” Distorting his face with funny movements, I can’t help but giggle and join in the hysterics.

Time flies by as we make our way to our destination in limited dance movements, nonsense speech and junk food. The tall buildings and stores blur transforming into bushes of tree lined streets alongside beautiful Victorian homes. Memories invade my mind as we approach the end of the line.

Stopping in the driveway, I exhale as I observe the dining room light on. I turn to Elijah, “We’re here,” my hand places on his shoulder giving a light shake, waking Eli from his slumber.

Hands reach for his eyes, rubbing in circular motions as he comes to exit the car with his bags in hand. I follow suit to the front door.

Ringing the bell, nerves spike with anxiety when the door swings open. There’s a glow coming from behind her, highlighting her fire red hair in an orange glow.

“Sapphire?”

I exhale a quick breath, “I haven’t heard that in years.”

“You haven’t been here in years. I’m so happy to see you though,” her emerald hues fall on Eli.

“And you, you must be Axle?” Extending her arm she reaches for a handshake.

At the mention of his name my heart aches. I automatically coil my arms around her waist, needing the safety of a familiar embrace.

I hear Eli correct her, “Hi, I’m Elijah.” Her arms swing around me as she places a kiss on my head, “Come in. Let’s have some dinner. I made Bolenengese.”

Making our way in, she guides us inside. I head to my old room having Eli join me to drop his bags.

Heading to the table, Cassie serves us before she sits down.

“Now, hello Elijah, I’m Cassandra, everyone calls me Cassie, Shelly’s mother. I hope you enjoy the food. It was made with love,” her smile widens, causing Eli to retaliate with an even larger one.

“Then I’m sure it will be great,” Eli reassures her.

Nodding her head in approval, “So Elijah, please tell me about yourself.”

Elijah and Cassandra engage in conversation and my mind drifts to what Axle might be doing at this very moment. Images of Selena on top of Axle in the office invade my mind. Ugh! His smile. The smile she caused, results in my heart crumbling into dust.

“Chloe honey? Are you okay?” Elijah and Cassie’s eyes are focused on me.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” my head uses short quick up and down movements to nod away the painful sensation eradicating my heart.

Cassie twists to face him, “Elijah dear, could you be a gentleman and give us a little time to catch up please?”

“Of course,” Eli gets up, placing a kiss atop my head before gathering his plate, disappearing down the hall, shutting the door behind him.

“Not that I’m complaining because I love seeing your beautiful face but, what brought on this impromptu visit?”

“I required some time away in a place that I last felt safe,” I informed her with downturned eyes.

“You are always welcomed home, Sapphire. My doors are always open for my girls.”

Shaking my head, “Sapphire? I can’t believe you still remember that,” a warm wave of nostalgia warms my skin.

“How could I not call you that? I’ll never forget the day you two broke into my jewelry case and played dress up with my clothes and jewelry. Of course Shelly had on the Ruby necklace and earrings, with my red chiffon dress and black heels and you. You had on the little black dress with the Sapphire jewelry set and lost one of the earrings.”

“I felt so guilty,” recalling my guilt, my eyes cast to the floor.

Cassie canopies my hand evoking my eyes to meet hers, “That’s when I told you, ‘Now you’ll just have to be my Sapphire,’ and that’s how you earned that name.” Winking at me, relief filled my lungs.

“I apologize for my actions when I was a teen. You were so gracious to take me in. I know I was a pain in the...”

“Hush,” shaking my hands, “You were concealing the pain you were experiencing. I’m sorry I wasn’t more of a better role model for you. You went through a traumatic experience and I was just glad you came back to us. I tried to be a mother figure. But I didn’t want you to think I was trying to replace her.”

Watery salt stings my eyes.

“No one could ever replace your mother. I had to ensure you understood that, which is why I did such a horrific job being a motherly figure to you and for that I seek your forgiveness.”

Mutism consumes me, how could she perceive she did a horrendous job?

“I love you Chloe, as if I birthed you myself.”

A slight pull tugs at the edges of my lips, eyes cast to the table.

“You do know she loved you with everything she had. You were her world Chloe. She did everything she possibly could for you.”

Moving my head up and down, I acknowledge her claim.

Cassie rises from her chair, “Give me one sec.” She disappears down the hall to her bedroom. Reemerging, she hands me a manilla envelope.

Pulling apart the envelope, my eyes widened at its contents, “What’s this?”

“Remember while you stayed here, after your return. You started paying your way. Well, I saved everything you ever gave me. I never wanted your money. I just wanted to teach you the responsibility of living on your own,” Cassie’s smile infects my heart.

“How much is this?” Curiosity piques.

“It’s just shy of $20,000. I had it in the bank for you gaining compound interest. I withdrew it when you were looking for work after college just in case you needed it. I hadn’t returned it yet, now that you’re home, I figured I’d give it to you. ”

My head shakes back and forth, “No Cassie, after everything I put you through you deserve it. Go on vacation. Take it as my apology for being an ungrateful teenager.”

“Chloe, it was meant as a lesson not as a punishment. I wouldn’t feel right, you’re my daughter. I would never take that from you. Save it for a rainy day, you’ll never know when you’ll need it.

Realization sets in, she will not relinquish. I’ll concede just to avoid any further back and forth. However, this money will end up with her. “Thank you Cassie. You truly are the best.”

The weight of the day commences to bare down on me causing heavy eyelids.

“Let’s continue this tomorrow. Go to bed and we can continue to speak over breakfast,” rising from her chair she places the plates in the dishwasher, flipping it on but not before embracing me. “It’s always good to have you here.”

“It’s always so good to be here,” a smile tugs the edges of my lips.

Heading to my old room, Elijah is on one of the double beds, eyes capturing me as I stroll in.

“Hey Chloe, did you have a good talk?”

“Yeah, she’s one of a kind. Catching up with her is consistently a breath of fresh air. I’m beat though, do you mind if we call it a night?”

“Me too. Today has been trying. I’m good with it,” Elijah curls under the blanket as I make my way to the ensuite to change.

Emerging from the bathroom, I slide under the cover of the other bed, soft tears begin to flow as I attempt my very best to silently cry myself to sleep... again.

~~~

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