Dear Heart, You Screwed Me

We sat in the restaurant that Killian had booked called Per Se. We were waiting for our drinks while scanning the menu. Killian had taken me to a car show room to show me his new car he had bought. He had chosen a Range Rover SVR. I wouldn’t have said it was particularly practical when it came to fuel, but who was I kidding. He obviously had more money than sense.

“I’m proud of you,” I said quietly, I didn’t want to come across as condescending, but I was proud of him.

I watched as his eyebrows pinched, his jaw clenching as his lips twisted into a smile. “And why is that?”

“Because honestly…” I played with a breadstick, tapping it on the table then rolling it between my fingers, “I didn’t think you would want anything to do with me, or our baby.” I winced a little as I said the words out loud.

“Reese,” he sighed, “even if we were enemies who hated each other, I would have still wanted to be there for you both.” He reached over and took my hand, “but we don’t hate each other, do we?”

I shook my head from side to side. “I just wanted you to know.”

“I am grateful, thank you,” he let go of my hand as he sat back and accepted our drinks from the waiter. Killian had a red wine; I had a soda and lime.

Once he disappeared, I leant forward, stirring my straw into my drink. I felt my cheeks flush as Killian’s gaze burned into mine. My stomach flipped; my heart raced.

“I cannot get the memory out of my head of you sucking my cock under my desk while Adele was sitting on the other side.”

“Killian,” I whisper-hissed at him, looking around the busy restaurant. He let out a throaty laugh, his shoulders shaking as he continued. I slapped his hand, blushing out of embarrassment now.

“Oh, come on, baby. Don’t get embarrassed, it was the best blow job I had ever had. I jerk off to that memory.”

“Oh my god,” I mouthed, covering my face with my hands which only caused him to laugh louder now.

“And then in my house, you on my desk with my tongue buried—”

“Okay! Enough!” I said loudly.

He sat staring at me, his glass pressing against his bottom lip hiding his beautiful smile.

“We shouldn’t be talking about that; we’ve moved on from that… we’re just… friends.”

“Are we?” he asked, leaning forward as he placed his glass on the table.

I swallowed hard, nodding.

“I don’t think we will ever just be friends.” He shook his head, “You can’t deny that you feel the pull and connection I do…”

I ignored him, my breathing fastening; my chest heaving up and down.

“Look how you react to me, how your body reacts… you can’t deny this forever Buttercup,” he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, moving in his chair. His brown pools filling with fire and desire. I pressed my legs together, trying to dull the ache that was growing.

“We said…”

“I know what we said, but that doesn’t change anything between us,” his voice lowered as he leant across the table, “I bet your little panties are soaked just thinking about me, about what I would do to you if we were in this restaurant alone.” His voice was so low it sounded like a hum that vibrated through me, waking my senses. “I would eat your pussy as if it was my last meal, licking and drinking every bit of your cum from you.” His tongue darted out, licking his bottom lip before he slowly brought the glass to his lips again, drinking it ever so slowly, trying his hardest to tease me. Holy fuck. My cheeks blazed.

I had to stay strong, because I knew if I gave in just a little… it would be game over.

“Let’s order, I’m starving,” I groaned, dropping my eyes to the menu. I had to distract him. My eyes flicked up, I tried to ignore the pull, but I couldn’t.

“I’m only hungry for one thing,” his eyes darkened as they fell to my lips.

“Killian,” I whispered.

“All I want to eat is your pussy. Nothing else will satisfy my hunger other than you.”

Swallowing, I managed to pull my eyes from his and hide my blush with my hair. My head dropped forward as I focused on the menu creating a wall of hair to hide behind.

“I think I’m going to go for the chicken,” I muttered, lifting my head and ignoring Killian’s heated gaze as I tried to get the waiter’s attention.

I heard him laugh but I didn’t look round. I saw the young waiter walk towards us, and I was internally grateful, I felt my shoulders relax suddenly.

“Yes, what can I get you both?” the waiter asked, his eyes moving from mine to Killian’s.

“I’ll have the chicken, but can I have it with chips…” I sighed, “shit, sorry, fries.” I grimaced, “and a side of mac ‘n’ cheese please.”

“It’s fine,” the waiter reassured me with a smile. I couldn’t stop the blush that was reddening my cheeks.

“And for you sir?” his smile faltered slightly as he looked towards Killian who hadn’t taken his eyes off me for a second.

“I’ll have the salmon.”

“Excellent choice, thank you,” the waiter said as he took the menus from us. He didn’t say another word before disappearing towards the kitchen.

“Now where were we?” Killian asked, his eyes hooded as they darkened.

“Baby names?” I shuffled in my seat, “any ideas?”

“Why are you trying to distract me?” he wiggled his eyebrows as he lifted his wine glass off the table.

“Because we’re not doing this,” I smirked, reaching for my own drink. “We’re in a really good place, we are getting on well and I don’t want to ruin this.”

I saw the realisation hit, his eyes losing their darkness in almost an instant.

“You know I am right…” I winked, trying to show him my playful manner. He smirked, sitting back in his chair. It worked.

“You’re right,” he sighed as he swirled his wine in the glass, “baby names?” he asked before taking a mouthful.

“Baby names,” I smiled back at him.

Killian drove us home, pulling into the underground carpark of our apartment block. I felt my stomach coil.

We walked side by side as we made our way up to my floor. I felt his eyes on me, first they were on my eyes then dropping to my parted lips before they were on my heaving chest.

Fiddling with the key in the lock, I let myself in. Killian stood in the doorway waiting to be invited in. I felt constricted. I knew I wanted him to come in, but once we were behind closed doors and away from an audience, I wasn’t sure how much self-control I would have. Before I had a moment more to think about it, my mouth started moving before my brain caught up.

“Would you like to come in?”

He smiled, his eyes alight as he stepped over the door threshold and walked into my apartment. He closed the door behind himself as I headed towards the kitchen and flicked the coffee machine on.

I felt him close to me, his hands skimming around my hips and as he tightened his grip, his body pushing into me, pinning me to him. I felt his hard bulge pushing against my bum.

My breath hitched. I could feel my heart racing as it thumped in my ears. His lips pressed to the shell of my ear, his tongue darting out and licking my lobe before he sucked it into his mouth.

I couldn’t stop the moan that left me. I have been dying to feel his hands on me like this again, his lips on me…

“Killian, we can’t,” I breathed out, even though I didn’t do anything to stop him.

“I know… I know,” he whispered.

His lips trailed down from my ear, skimming along my jaw line as he nipped.

“Just one last time…” he panted, his own breath ragged and fast as he tried to control himself. I was incredibly horny, and being honest, my little silver vibrator just didn’t hit the spot. Killian would make me come and satisfy my craving, but I couldn’t go there.

I dropped my head forward, my palms pushing flat on the countertop as his hands continued to move round to my bump.

His left hand glided down to the hem of my dress, tucking his fingers underneath and drawing soft circles over my skin. He lifted the skirt of my dress a little higher, exposing my thigh. His fingertips leaving a blazing trail along my skin. Tipping my head back so it was on his chest, my throat exposed. His lips crashed down and pressed against my sensitive skin, his fingers slipping higher, tugging my dress up and over my bum. His large hand palmed my bare bum cheek. I felt his body stiffen, he gasped, jumping back and dropping his hands and lips from me in an instant.

“Did she just…” he whispered.

“Kick?” I giggled, my hands on my tummy.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, she did,” I smiled as my eyes fell to my bump.

I heard Killian laugh out loud, spinning me to face him before he dropped to his knees. His large hands covered my small bump, his lips pressing against my skin through my ribbed dress.

“Daddy’s little princess… already trying to stop me from kissing mommy.” He cooed, I saw his smile as he continued talking, “we can’t wait to meet you,” he whispered, “I can’t wait to meet you.”

He stayed there for a moment, his eyes closing as he fully embraced this moment. I felt my heart swell in my chest, a lump growing in my throat as I watched. I cared for him so much, my feelings consumed me sometimes. I couldn’t quite describe them, but one thing was for certain. I knew I had fallen for him.

But it wouldn’t last forever. It was just a crush. We don’t work. We wouldn’t work. It was just a chemical reaction between us. Growing sexual tension.

Tonight, was a close call, it couldn’t happen again. I needed to keep my head in the game. We were friends. We agreed to be friends, co-parents, and that’s all we could be.

Whether I wanted it or not, that’s the way life had to be.