Dating the Defensive Back (The Nash Brothers Book 1)

Thoughtful Fleeting Things

A giant bag of Tootsie Rolls appeared on my kitchen counter yesterday. Last week, I got a phone call from someone who plays defense for the Vegas Aces asking me to bake a cake for his daughter’s birthday party. This week, I’ve had more phone calls asking for a variety of different types of desserts for different events.

I know this is all Grayson’s doing. I know he believes in me and my abilities when it comes to baking.

And I think it’s starting to slowly get through to me that he believes in me as a person—as a partner—for him.

I’m teetering on the edge of wanting to slowly dip my toe back into trying things with him. The season is well underway now, but it hasn’t stopped him from calling me every day to check in. Sometimes it’s late into the night. Other times it’s first thing in the morning. But regardless, he hasn’t let a day go by where I haven’t heard his voice and he hasn’t heard mine.

And this is his season. He’s busy. But he’s making time—time for Tootsie Rolls and jerseys and Aces shirts. Time for tickets where he sees me in the stands. Time to come over and say hi and make sure everyone in the stadium knows he’s taken. By me.

Even if he really isn’t.

The media hasn’t picked up on us being apart, and I think it’s because people assume he’s busy. He is in season and not attending the same number of events he did in the offseason, and he’s still greeting me at games.

Or maybe he’s choosing to stay home because he doesn’t have a date since I’m still holding back.

At least that’s what he indicated when we were talking the other night. I told him I didn’t want to hold him back from doing the things he wanted to do, and he said he wouldn’t find any joy in them if he didn’t have my hand to hold.

The more time that passes where I’m not at his house, not in his bed, not by his side, the more I wonder whether I’m just being stubborn. I’m not sure what it’ll take to push me over the edge to run back into his arms.

I told him I need him to prove he believes in us, and I guess I need him to prove to me that I am the future he wants. Giving me tickets and jerseys, or selling my skincare line, or stopping by with Tootsie Rolls—these are all wonderful and kind and thoughtful actions.

But these things are fleeting. These aren’t the things that tell me I’m a permanent fixture in his life.

Football season is in full swing as the scorching heat of summer fades into the milder fall weather. Halloween is right around the corner, and while he has continued giving me all sorts of attention, he hasn’t pressured me into taking him back. Despite that, he’s still there, calling, texting, and letting me know he’s thinking about me every single day.

I’m starting to get the hint.

He wants me to take him back when I’m ready. And I think I’m getting closer to being ready. I think I want to jump in and try to trust him again.

And then one day my phone starts to ring, and I see it’s Beckett calling.

“Hey,” I answer.

“Hey. Mom said she wants to come see you in Vegas, and I have a free weekend coming up, too. Can I join her?”

“Just you? Or the whole fam?”

“Just me,” he says. “Rachel is sicker than a dog at six months pregnant but says she can handle the girls by herself for one weekend.”

“I’d love to see you. You’re welcome to stay with me.”

He clears his throat. “I know, but I’m guessing Mom will take you up on that, so I asked Grayson if I can stay with him.”

“You’re staying with Grayson?” I ask.

“Yeah. And, uh…just for the record, he told me everything.”

“Everything?” I repeat. “What everything?”

“Everything everything. From that first night at the Gridiron when he didn’t know who you really were up through the box of tests on your bathroom counter.”

“Oh,” I say softly. “So when you say everything, what you really mean is everything.”

“Yeah,” he murmurs.

He told my brother everything? When? How? Why?

A million questions plague my brain.

He’s the one who was scared to tell my brother, and my brother just confessed that he knows everything, and he’s so casual, so cool about it, and I’m pretty much confused as hell as I try to piece out why Grayson would tell him now—after it’s been over for months.

Because it’s not over for him, a little voice in the back of my head tells me. Maybe this is his way of trying to clean the slate so we can start over.

My chest warms at the thought.

“Are you okay with it?” I finally ask.

“I mean…yes and no. But you’re not together now anyway, so does it matter if I’m okay with it?” he points out.

“I guess not.”

“Why aren’t you with him, again?” he asks. “I’m a little fuzzy on that part.”

I chuckle. “It’s not always very clear to me, either. But more or less he left me when I felt like I needed him most.”

“He left for camp. He didn’t have a choice.”

“You’re hearing his side,” I point out. “He broke up with me. He left me.”

“And according to his side, he’s been working overtime to make that up to you.” He makes a damn strong point.

I wander around my kitchen as I make a confession to my brother. “I miss him, but I also can appreciate the friendship we’ve formed. I’ve been on my own now for almost three months, and that’s the longest stretch of independence I’ve had since I was a teenager. Isn’t that all sorts of screwed up?”

“Not really. I haven’t had much independence since I met Rachel, and I wouldn’t trade a second,” he says.

“But you two are perfect together.” I roll my eyes as I think of how sickeningly perfect they really are.

“Don’t you think you and Grayson could be, too?”

“Sometimes I do because for a moment in time, we were. But I’m so scared, Beck. What if he leaves me again? I can’t go through that twice in one lifetime.” I sigh heavily as my brother extracts the fear that has pulsed beneath the surface for months.

“What if he doesn’t?” he counters. “Isn’t it worth the risk?”

I’m not sure how to answer that.

“Anyway, I have to go. I just wanted to check in with you and see if you’re taking visitors. We’re looking at the second weekend in November. The Aces have a home game, and I’m planning to stay through Wednesday so I can hang with you and Grayson.”

“I’ll get the dates on the calendar at the bakery,” I say.

“I’m sure I’ll talk to you before the trip, but I’ll see you then.”

We hang up, and even though it’s still a few weeks away, I’m excited to see my family…even if my brother is staying with my ex.