Children of Chaos - Book 1

"That was it."

"Was what?"

"Aidan?" Lynn's voice was soft and gentle as if she were approaching a wounded animal. Perhaps that’s what he was. "Aidan... we can't..." her voice broke and she swallowed, trying to get a hold of herself. “We have to go."

He didn't react, his arms still cradling Megumi's broken body, his dark eyes vacant as he gently rocked her back and forth.

"Aidan," she said again as she put a hand on his shoulder. A tear made its way down her face, cutting a straight line into the grime and dirt from the battle.

"But what about her?" he finally whispered in a hollow voice. "We can't... we can't leave her here."

Lynn looked over at you, her expression full of conflicting emotions. Those blue eyes were asking you a question and you didn’t know what to say. She wanted to hear that you would take them all away from this place, but… Your left shoulder was still bleeding, despite the bandages Ethan had applied and you were exhausted. And that didn't even matter. You couldn't dark walk away from this island, just as you hadn't been able to dark walk onto it. The island didn't allow people to enter or leave, except through the tower. Something must have shown on your face, because before you could find the words to answer her unspoken plea, her eyes hardened and her jaw set. She looked back at Aidan and you were relieved to be free of her disappointed gaze.

It was Nami, to your surprise, who spoke up next, her voice gentle and for once not distant at all. "We should give her back."

You looked at her, startled, again wondering what those lilac eyes could see.

"Give her back?" Ethan's voice was soft, his broad shoulder slumped, making him look strangely vulnerable.

"Back to the sky."

You felt a heavy lump in your chest as you understood. Give her back to the sky. Yes…. Perhaps that would be best, and it would solve the problem of transporting her.

"It is her home," Nami continued. "Her patron's home. She should return to the winds that keep it in the air. She should be free. It's what she wanted."

"Yes... I think it is" Lynn said, her hand still on Aidan's shoulder. He looked down at Megi and gently kissed her forehead. The scene seemed oddly intimate and you looked away. The choice was his, somehow.

"Alright."

The word was no more than a whisper, but it cut through you. Suddenly you needed to get away, unable to bear any of it for another second. Without a word you turned around and started walking. You could feel them, their eyes, Lynn's judgmental expression, you felt it, but you had to leave, because if you stayed, even for a second, you would fall apart.

You walked through the ruins, leaving footprints in the ashes that Aidan's outburst had scattered all over. Your feet seemed to have a mind of their own as they moved forward, uncaring of where they would take you. As soon as you were at of sight your walk turned into a run. You could feel your legs burn, your lungs gasp for air and still you ran. You ran until you lost yourself in the tree's until you could no longer feel their eyes. And then you stopped, like a puppet whose strings had been cut, gasping for air. Your shoulders slumped, your knees gave away, hitting the ground hard. You felt the impact shutter through your body, making the wounds on your body stretch, and it felt good. Right. Because the rest of you was cold and numb and empty. A dry sob escaped your lips, but that was all. You wanted to cry, wanted to shout, but there were no tears, there was no voice. They had abandoned you and so all that was left was the cold numbness that seemed to hollow you out and fill you up in equal measure.

"I killed her.”

There. You had said it. The truth for no one to hear. But they still knew.

Time seemed to slip away from you as you knelt there on the cold, damp ground. You vaguely registered the smell of smoke, indicating that they had started the ceremony without you. Good. You didn't deserve to be there. Funerals were not for murderers after all. You could see it in your mind. The funeral pyre that Ethan had built. Megumi’s small, fragile body on top of it. Her hands folded over the ugly wounds in her torso. Her eyes closed, looking as if she were sleeping if not for the pallor of her skin, the wounds in her body. Then the flames. Started by Aidan himself, licking at the dry wood and making their way up to where she lay peacefully. You imagined hearing Lynn’s gentle sobs, Ethan’s arm around her shoulder, Emrys’ grim face, Nami’s dreamy eyes, and Aidan’s lost expression as Megumi turned to ashes.

And then they were going to give her back to the sky, scatter her ashes over the edge of the flying island, return her home.

A dry chuckle escaped your lips at the beautiful picture those words painted. Return her home. Bullshit. Utter and complete crap! She wasn't going home. She wasn't going anywhere. Because she was dead, erased from this world.

The world around you seemed oddly fuzzy and you realized that you had been kneeling on the ground for quite some time, caught up in your pathetic lamenting and self-pity.

"Pull yourself together, Kyra."

Your voice sounded strange to your own ears, strangely far away and you remembered that your wound had never quite stopped bleeding. Slowly you got up, forcing your stiff limbs to move back towards the column of smoke rising into the sky. It was time to go.

You saw them before they saw you. They were standing near the edge of the flying island, their backs turned to you. Aidan was standing at the very edge, together with Lynn, her hand resting gently on his arm. You stopped just a little bit away from them, unwilling to interrupt the stillness that went with the scene. You had missed the whole thing it seemed. You had wanted to, but you still felt the smallest twinge of shame at your cowardice. You had run away afraid, unable to deal with the consequences of your own choices.

Ethan was the first to turn away and his eyes widened when he noticed you standing there. His green eyes rested on yours and looked away, suddenly uncomfortable with what you saw there. Pity.

"How long have you been standing there?" he asked in a gentle voice, that rang strangely loud in the midst of the silence that had been surrounding the group.

His words caused Emrys, Nami and Lynn to turn around and Aidan's shoulders to stiffen ever so slightly. Suddenly you were faced with three pairs of judging eyes, and something inside of you hardened. You weren't sure what kind of an expression had been on your face before, but now you carefully sculpted your features into an unreadable mask.

"Long enough. It's time to go."

Your words were spoken calmly, softly, in no way indicating that you had just endured an emotional meltdown. Lynns mouth hardened into a thin, disapproving line, but she did not disagree with you.

"Ah. Look who's finally bothered to show up. Too good for funerals, are we?" Emrys drawled.

"Give it a rest." the cold hard voice belonged to Aidan, you noted with some surprise. "Let's go."