FULL NOVELXO Before the Storm: Chapter 69
Istare at her for long moments, unsure I heard her correctly. But the fire in her deep brown eyes is what tells me she’s dead fucking serious. And yet I can’t bring myself to move. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to allow her out of my sight, even if it is just in another room.
“I can’t do that, baby girl,” I say carefully.
“Get the fuck out, Storm. I don’t want you in here. I don’t want to be here at all.” Her coarse voice rises to what I think would normally be a shout, but it comes out croaky and hoarse. Even as the words come out of her mouth, her resolve wavers. She doesn’t know what she wants. She’s confused and hurt, and she doesn’t want to let me in again, but she doesn’t have a choice in the matter. I can’t be without her again.
The sooner I can tie her to me in every way possible, the better. I would have a ring on her finger and a baby in her belly before the end of the day if I thought I could get away with it, but that can’t happen for a variety of reasons, not even limited to the fact she’s been beaten to a bloody pulp and can barely move.
“Please leave, Storm,” Ayvah chokes, her eyes burning into me with an intensity that would have had me looking away just a few months ago. “I can’t deal with this right now. I just want to go home.” Tears drip down her cheeks, each one breaking my heart a little more than the last. I meant it when I said I hate to see her cry. It fucking breaks me to see her in any kind of pain, and I don’t care if I shouldn’t show weakness. Perhaps before she came along, I could turn off my emotions, but that’s no longer an option I’m willing to entertain.
“We’ll go back to the estate once Doc clears you to travel.”
“That’s not my home,” she snaps. “I want to go back to Rawdon. I want to be as far away from Chicago as I can get.” Her voice breaks and tears fall hard and fast, heavy sobs racking through her body and causing her to flinch each time her tender body jolts.
“Ayvah,” I say as calmly as I can manage, but it still comes out on a growl. “Your home is with me.”
“Maybe it was before. But you left me, Storm. You sent me away. You told me you never felt anything for me.” She brings her hand to her chest and rubs it as if the movement can make the ache go away. Believe me, beautiful girl, if it could, I would have been doing it on loop for every moment you were away from me.
“I didn’t mean a word I said, Ayvah. You have to understand that.” I grip her hand in my much larger one, holding on tight enough she can’t pull away from me, but not so tight it hurts her. My girl has felt enough pain to last a lifetime, and I never want to bring her another second of agony.
“How am I supposed to know that, Storm?” She chokes. “How can I ever believe another word that comes out of your mouth?” She shoves my hands away from her and tries to roll away from me, but the movement only makes her cry harder.
I’m out of my seat before I’m conscious of the decision, quickly climbing onto the bed and rolling her onto her back. I straddle her legs, careful not to allow any of my weight to rest on them and gather her wrists in one of my hands, resting them against her stomach gently. “Ayvah,” I growl. “I know you’re upset, but I will not tolerate you hurting yourself. You’re going to lay here and rest, even if it means I have to tie you to this goddamn bed to make that happen.”
Her eyes flare with something other than anger. Fear. And I fucking hate it. I never want her to be afraid of me. I want to be her safe place. I want to be her everything, just the way she is mine.
“I’m not going to hurt you, baby girl,” I murmur, using my free hand to stroke her damp cheek.
“Don’t you get it, Storm. You already have. You being here is hurting me. Breathing the same goddamn air as you hurts me. If you want to stop hurting me, you’ll send me back to Rawdon, where I belong.”
I let out a long breath to calm the anger her words have raging through my veins. I understand she’s hurt. Believe me, I fucking get it. But doesn’t she see how fucking sorry I am? Didn’t she hear a word I said when I explained why I sent her away in the first place? “Ayvah, I need you to listen to me, and I need you to listen real fucking hard. You belong with me. Your life, your future, it’s with me. I know you’re hurt and I will do anything to make it up to you. I’ll buy you anything, take you anywhere, give you anything your heart desires, but I will never let you go.” The words hang between us as we stare at one another. I’m not moving or releasing her until I’m sure she’s not going to hurt herself, and she’s being just as stubborn as I am.
The bedroom door swings open, but I don’t bother turning around. It doesn’t matter which one of my family members is walking in, they’re going to chew me out just the same for the position I’m in.
“Storm!” Wynter hisses. “What the fuck are you doing to that poor girl? Get the fuck off her.”
I sigh. “I’m obviously not hurting her, Wyn. She was, however, hurting herself, and I’m just stopping her from doing that.”
There’s silence for a few seconds and then my sister appears in my peripheral vision, both hands rubbing her swollen belly mindlessly. She looks between me and Ayvah and back again before rolling her eyes. “I’m glad this baby is a girl. This family doesn’t need any more Saint James men,” she huffs before turning her attention to Ayvah. “How are you feeling?”
“I’d be feeling a lot better if this asshole would take me home.”
“Back to the estate? Doc had to go down to the docks. A few of our guys needed some stitches, but he said he would be back soon. Once he’s looked over you, I’m sure he’d clear you to go home.”
“That’s not my home,” Ayvah growls. “I want to go back to Rawdon. Why does everyone keep saying that house is my home?”
“Because it is, baby girl. Your home is wherever I am.”
“It certainly is not.” She strains against my hold on her wrists, but I keep them where they are.
Wynter looks between us like she isn’t sure what to make of the position she’s found us in and the words my woman is saying, but after a moment, she turns her attention back to Ayvah. “Okay, apart from wanting to go back to Rawdon and get the hell away from Storm, how are you feeling? Do you need some pain meds?”
Ayvah stops struggling for a second, and I loosen my hold on her just enough that she still knows I’ll have her pinned against the bed in under a second if she tries to bolt again. “Honestly, I’m in a lot of pain, but I don’t want the pain meds. I don’t want to feel… out of it again.”
Wynter smiles sympathetically. “I can understand that. He left two different strengths. How about I get you one tablet of the lower grade one, and we see how you feel? You’re safe here, even if this buffoon is acting like a caveman.”
Ayvah gives her a small nod and flinches at the movement. I’m glad she’s agreed to take something. I wouldn’t force it on her, but she very clearly needs some kind of relief.
Wynter disappears and returns a few minutes later with Everett, Snow, and Elijah hot on her heels, and I groan internally. I’m trying to convince my woman she belongs with me, that everything I said to her that day was a lie, but how am I meant to do that with a room full of people?
Elijah smirks at our position as he comes around the other side of the bed and pulls up the chair that usually sits in the corner before beckoning Snow to sit on his lap.
Her brows pull together as if she’s not happy with the seating arrangements, but I don’t miss the way her whole body relaxes when she settles on his knees and his arms wrap around her.
Wynter stands beside me with a bottle of water in one hand and a pill in the other. “Move, Storm.”
“No. If I move, she’s going to try to get out of bed, and she’s going to hurt herself. I’ll stay where I am.” It’s the voice I usually save for the boardroom when the board is being extra irritating, but right now, I’m barely holding on to my composure, and my siblings have always been able to push my buttons.
“You have to move. She can’t take this while you’re on top of her and if Doc comes back and you’re sitting on her, he’s going to lose his shit.”
I glare at her, but only because she’s right. Doc is a grumpy motherfucker, and if he finds me straddling his patient, he will lose his fucking mind. He’s also built like a linebacker and not someone I particularly feel like getting into a physical altercation with. I turn my attention back to Ayvah. “If you try to get out of this bed without assistance, I will tie you to it. Do not test me, baby girl.”
Her eyes flare with annoyance, but she gives me a quick nod and I hesitantly move to the bed beside her. I may be making this concession for her, but she’s insane if she thinks I’m going to give her any kind of space.
Wynter hands her the pill which she pops into her mouth and she brings the bottle of water to her lips.
“Not too much,” I say. “We’re meant to rehydrate her slowly.”
Both women turn their glares on me, but after the last couple of months, I’m used to Wynter’s coldness toward me, and I expect Ayvah’s. I never thought she was going to get over the things I said to her like they never happened, but I thought she would be a little more receptive to being back here with us.
A choked chuckle comes from the corner, and I find Elijah with his fist to his mouth. “Watching the great Storm Saint James be railroaded like this is making my whole fucking life.”
“Elijah,” Snow hisses. “Now is not the time.”
“It’s always the time, Snowflake.”
“What are you all doing in here? Ayvah really isn’t up for this many visitors.”
“Yes, I am,” she croaks, proving my point. She needs rest. She needs more sleep, and once Doc has been back to see her, she’ll be able to come home. But she does not need my crazy family right now.
Wynter perches on the edge of the bed and takes Ayvah’s hand in her own. “We need to ask you some questions about your time with Annalise, is that okay?”
“Yes,” Ayvah says at the same time I say, “No.” Earning me another glare from the woman I love.
Wynter ignores me, keeping her eyes on Ayvah. “I’ll get the uncomfortable question out of the way first. Doc has taken care of your external injuries, patched up your broken ribs, your cuts, all of that. But when he gets back, he’s going to want to know if there are any… injuries that we can’t see.”
Ayvah closes her eyes, her breath catching in her throat, and I reach for her hand before I can stop myself. I don’t care if she hates me right now, she’s going to know I’m here for her. Even if that makes her hate me even more.