Artificial Heart

Prisha crept down the hall. Moonlight bounced against the couch and T.V. A clock ticked. Her phone felt heavy in her pocket and slid up and down against her thigh. Quietly, the front door clicked shut behind her.

Prisha rubbed the back of her neck as the prickling intensified. She wondered where Alf was going to pick her up. She didn’t know the place. There was a park towards the left but she was drawn to somewhere to her right. The full moon lit up the night, swallowing up the stars around it.

She kept an eye on her surroundings, jumping at a sudden bark from a dog. She looked across her shoulder at the squealing of tires in the distance. Her footsteps were too loud.

It wasn’t far.

She walked through a grassy thoroughfare between two large homes before finding herself at the top of a slope. Down below was what must be a lake. It was surrounded by trees. She could hear the croaking of innumerable frogs.

She turned, catching movement in the corner of her eye. Her heart leapt. The shimmering! Like winking diamonds against the moonlight. It spread and widened and shot outwards, transforming into the ship. Lights blinked. Metal gleamed. A hum made the air vibrate. A square of darkness opened up like a mouth, the ramp lowering to the ground like a tongue.

Prisha was running. Running towards the excitement ahead, running away from the fear behind. She glanced over her shoulder, momentarily terrified that someone was chasing her.

The ramp thudded beneath her footsteps.

Only when the ramp had closed securely behind her did she relax. Her heart raced, her skin prickled, thoughts of all that had happened at their last meeting heated up every cell of her body. She watched as he controlled the ship, studying his broad shoulders and the way his space suit clung to his muscular figure. She’d touched that. She’d had that. She’d kissed it and stroked it and loved it.

Her hands twitched.

As they traversed the deep, dark sky Prisha tried to speak but his name kept catching in her throat. She tried to get up close to him but her feet wouldn’t move. Men could act strangely sometimes after intimacy, she’d come to learn. He hadn’t looked at her yet.

Then his hands fell away from the controls and he turned. One glance in his eyes and Prisha knew that nothing had changed. A pleasant ping between her hipbones, a swoop in her guts, and Alf was catching her in his arms as she crashed into him.

Prisha’s fingers bunched tightly into the material of his suit as she pressed her face hard into his chest. ‘I wish you wouldn’t go.’

‘I am sorry.’

‘It hurts, Alf. I miss you too much.’

‘I have missed you too.’

Prisha looked up at him with a smile, chin pressed to his chest. Then she frowned. ‘What’s wrong? You look worried.’

‘I am in trouble. Command is getting suspicious.’

‘S-suspicious? How?’

‘I have been to your planet too many times. My excuses are unacceptable.’

‘What does that mean?’ But she already knew. She already knew.

‘This must be my last contact.’

‘No!’ Prisha tightened her grip, as much to clutch onto him as to steady herself. It felt like the floor was shaking. ’You can’t do that! You can’t leave! Not yet! Not after … everything.’ Her throat swelled up. Wet heat rushed to her eyes.

‘I must. For me. For you.’ He grabbed her arms, as though to pull her away. But he didn’t, clutching her just as tightly as she was clutching him. His brown eye looked deeply into hers. ‘I am sorry.’

‘And what about my people? You said we were going to die.’

‘No. To fail.’

‘Whatever! You’re just going to leave us like this?’

‘The fate of your world is not my designation.’ The light gleamed against the metal of his face, against his red eye. It shone against his brown one. There was an uncharacteristic thickness to his voice that made her want to cry. ‘I have no choice.’

’You do have a choice! You always have a choice!’ Prisha dug her fingers into his waist, then buried her face into his chest so she didn’t have to see the lines in his forehead, the lines around his mouth. It hurt too much.

‘Alf,’ she croaked. ‘I won’t let you go.’

‘You must.’

‘Again. One more time,’ she said breathlessly, voice muffled in his chest. She looked up, gazing deeply into his astonishing eyes. ’Again.’

He was frowning.

‘Please.’

‘I cannot,’ he said.

‘Why not?’

‘You know why.’

Prisha shoved herself away. ’30% organic, my arse, Alf! There is just no way. You’re a machine. All machine. There’s nothing left of you! Soulless! Heartless!’ The tears burned against her cheeks. ‘In the end, you’re just pretend.’

Prisha stared hard at her shoes. It was a cruel thing to say but she was angry and sad and frustrated and miserable, and she wanted to hurt Alf as much as he was hurting her. It was only fair.

Alf was quiet. The ship hummed. Such stillness. Such lifelessness. There was nothing she’d experienced on Earth that was as inert as Alf’s ship—or Alf himself.

All that shattered. He moved—fast. Prisha yelped as he pulled her close. She looked up just as he leaned in. His brown eyes was blazing.

She was in his arms. She was across the ship, the ceiling spinning above. He was lowering her onto the bed. He was much more furious this time. Either desperate to prove himself or desperate to possess her. She supposed it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but his touch and his heat and the feel of his body rocking against hers.

Somehow they ended up on the floor in a pool of their clothes, holding onto each other, breathless and hot and trembling. Prisha had her head cradled in the curve of Alf’s throat. His hands were sitting upon her hips. Neither had moved for several minutes, clinging onto each other, quietly enjoying the simple feel of each other. Stillness again—but filled with so much life. When she looked up at him, her neck felt stiff. He was slumped over her. There was some pink to his cheeks.

Prisha touched his face with a smile. ‘Are you flustered?’

He didn’t answer, watching her with an intensity that made Prisha’s cheeks flame. She pressed her forehead to his chin with a sigh. Closing her eyes, she smoothed her hand up his arm, over warm skin and cool metal. She laid her hand upon his chest, feeling his heart.

‘Is it real? Your heart?’

’I am all real,’ he said gruffly.

Prisha jerked her eyes up to his. ‘I’m sorry, Alf, for what I said. I didn’t mean it. I was just angry—and sad. I shouldn’t have said it. I’m sorry.’ She took a shaky breath. ‘I love you.’

Prisha went cold. The words had just slipped out.

‘I love you, too.’

And just like that, he said it. Without hesitation. Like it was obvious. Like there was no debate. Seemingly naive to the impact of such a deep statement. Prisha bit down on her lip. Her body went from cold to very very hot.

She turned her face, trying to cool her cheek against a sliver of metal in his shoulder. ‘Can we stay like this for tonight? I don’t want to sleep.’

‘Some,’ he agreed.

‘What happens when this is over? Are you going back?’

‘I move on to my next designation.’

‘And what happens if they find out what you’ve been doing?’

‘They will not.’

Prisha pursed her lips. ‘I thought you couldn’t lie. You said they are suspicious.’

‘It is not a lie.’

Prisha didn’t press him further as she rested her head upon his shoulder with a sigh. She looked down into his lap and circled her fingers around his belly button. Despite his artificial heart and all his strength and steel, he’d had a mother once. He’d been a baby. A child. He’d been loved and cared for, just as much as he must have loved and cared for others.

There is nothing outside of my designations.

My memories were erased when I became a drone.

I am a discard. The disposable remnants of a greater me.

Prisha winced.

’Tell me everything,’ she said. ‘About you. About your species. About what happened to you. I want to know you, Alf. Inside and out. Tell me everything.’

*

Prisha slept. Alf wouldn’t allow her to stay awake the entire time—however long that was. If he was still gathering “data” about her, she didn’t ask. She didn’t care. She didn’t care what he did to her, as long as he stayed—or took her with him.

But that was never going to happen. And all too soon she was getting ready for her last formal encounter with her “leaders”. It was going to be a completely different experience to the last two times, Prisha knew. She felt no fear. No anxiety. There was no room for it. Only sadness and an utter disinterest in anything outside of her unhappiness.

‘Give them this,’ Alf handed over what appeared to be a little metal ball. Lights blinked on its surface. There were lots of grooves and striations beneath her fingertips. It reminded her of the chip but spherical.

Prisha took it without a word, hanging her head.

‘Tell them it will help,’ he said.

‘Okay.’

‘You are sad.’

Prisha didn’t answer.

‘Because of me.’

Again, she didn’t answer.

‘Speak,’ he said sharply.

Prisha thrust up her head. ‘I’m mad, Alf. You’ve come into my life and have left me in pieces.’

‘I have not hurt you.’

‘Not physically.’

He gazed at her with his startling eyes.

Prisha focused on his mechanical one, the easy one. The friendly one. The one that could only x-ray her body, not her soul.

‘You’re phenomenal, Alf. You’re the best human I’ve ever met. Don’t—don’t let them treat you like trash.’ She sniffed and turned her face. ‘Where’s my helmet?’

Moments later, he was helping her put it on. At least she wasn’t in her pyjamas this time. She gripped the sphere tightly in her hand.

‘Are you ready?’ he asked.

Prisha nodded.

Alf returned to his usual spot at the controls and Prisha turned to face the exit. Slowly, the ramp lowered. The hollowness in Prisha’s stomach only deepened as she stomped her way down the ramp. Prisha barely looked. She barely felt. They were back to seven again. Black Moustache was standing right in the middle this time.

Prisha felt no fear. She felt nothing.

She held out the sphere. ‘Another present.’

‘What is it?’

‘Alf doesn’t tell me shit. It’s to help us, that’s all I know.’

Three of the seven looked at each other, surprised by her attitude. Black Moustache raised his eyebrows.

‘We have many questions about his last “present”,’ spoke the woman further down the line.

’Spectacular,’ Prisha clipped.

Black Moustache frowned. ‘What’s wrong? Why are you upset?’

Prisha continued to hold out the sphere, even as her arm trembled, even as she fought with all her might not to burst into tears. Not in front of them. Not in front of everyone. She didn’t bother answering.

The sphere was visibly shaking and Prisha hated herself for it. There was movement from her left. The same soldier as last time approached. Prisha felt nothing as he stood over her, peering at her with his usual suspicion.

He held out his hand wordlessly and Prisha dropped the sphere into it. She stepped back.

‘When can we see him?’ spoke the woman again. ‘We have so many questions.’

‘You’ll never see him. This is his last visit.’

‘What?!’

There was fretful, angry murmuring.

‘You heard me.’ Prisha was very glad for her helmet as her cheeks turned hot and her eyes watered until they blurred.

‘Why?’

Prisha shook her head.

‘Convince him to stay,’ Mr Moustache said.

‘Wish I could,’ she choked.

The swollen feeling in her throat was threatening to burst. The tears were already running down her cheeks as she turned back towards the ramp.

‘Tell us who you are,’ Mr Moustache called after her. ‘If you don’t, we’ll track you down anyway.’

Prisha froze, one foot up on the metal. ‘Bring it on.’

She continued her ascent. Prisha was trembling when she reached the ship. The moment the ramp shut behind her, she ripped the helmet from her head. It stung. She was supposed to release the suction first.

Her cheeks burned with pain as she stared down at her shoes. The helmet fell from her nerveless fingers, banging against the floor. Prisha stared at it, remembering how they’d first met. She’d hidden in one of the ship’s compartments. Alf had been sitting at the controls, just as he was now. A lonely, extraordinary, unbelievable figure.

It had all been so terrifying. So exhilarating. So marvellous. And now it was all going to go away.

Tears dripped onto her shoes.

She didn’t realise they were safely away from Earth until Alf pulled her into his arms.